Old stufff
April 05, 2007 (never published)
Its 2:24 in the morning...&I'm thrown in bed...starring at nothing &seeing the world.
I suddendly lost direction in life.
Like its pointless to sleep...like its pointles to live.
But yet regardless of the non sense going through my mind &body..... I still want to be here.
Because before I realize it, life will slap me with reality &ill see how &why it all happened.
I sometimes pretend as if I already have my life all figured out.
But I really don't.
No one really does.
But I like to pretend.
I play a lot of mind games with myself.
&Ive come to realize, that I'm very vulnerable &naive.
I don't know what its like to lose part of your life...
But I do know &understand the feeling of losing someone you love.
I'm going crazy...
&it isn't healthy.
I can't help but to think...
To think about him..&the space that was once mines being taken up by her...
&the fact that he seems happy..
&the fact that I'm not.
I don't know what I want in life anymore.
I have no expectations &I have no hope.
I don't know how to make it better.
I don't know how long this will last.
There it is.
I knew he would be the down part of all my good.
It can't be perfect.
Life can't do that.
&people can't have it all.
Atleast not me, im not lucky enough.
Subject: bleh. wednesday to thurs. (last day of school)