FIC: The Memories of a Life We've Yet to Live, PG-13, (1/5)
The Memories of a Life We’ve Yet to Live - Part OnePairing: Lily/James
Chapter: 1/5
Rating: T
Disclaimer: Everything belongs to JK. The first title from part one is from Cinematic Orchestra’s ‘To Build a Home’ and the title from the second is Stars’ ‘Heart’.
Summary: For James, it had all passed too quickly: one moment he was trying to win Lily’s heart, the next he had it, she became his wife and had his baby. But then just as quickly as he had won her over, a monster came knocking at his door, wanting to take it all away. Screaming and unwilling to accept his fate, he wishes that he could have prevented it all.
Meanwhile, in another world, a Seventh Year James stares into the Mirror of Erised and encounters something that will change everything, and force him to make the hardest decision he will ever have to make.
A/N: This started off as a one-shot then turned into a really long one-shot, so it has been divided into five parts, the first two which I have put up. I didn’t originally write this fic to mark the 30th anniversary of their deaths, but then I realised that day was actually coming up, I decided to post this fic as my way of marking that day. Many thanks to _autumncolours for the beta.
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Part I - And now it’s time to leave and turn to dust
In the end, Death hadn’t greeted him like an old friend. Death had barged into his house unwanted, unexpected and all too prematurely. It stole his life in the most terrifying manner and had ripped him so cruelly from the world that he knew his soul must have screamed the entire way to the place it had been dragged to.
James Potter wanted nothing more than to live. He wanted nothing more than a life with his beloved wife, whose heart he had battled to win, and their cherished baby son. But on that Halloween, fate chose another route.
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James looked at his son and couldn’t help but grin as little Harry squealed in delight at the coloured smoke rings James was making with his wand. His son sat in his lap and James jigged his legs up and down, which seemed to amuse Harry further. But then Harry was incredibly easy to entertain.
Standing in the door way, his wife looked on at them, arms folded and a smile on her face as she took in the sight. When James noticed her, he temporarily stopped flicking his wand, mesmerised by her smile. Even after all this time, Lily could still render James utterly motionless and truthfully, he was still waiting for someone to tell him this was all a dream. Lily and Harry- his wife and their son- were part of his life and he still couldn’t believe it. Any day he expected Lily to come to her senses and abandon him, and anyway, Sirius constantly found his pleasure in goading James about being a tied down, young father (something their younger selves would have been aghast at). But then James wasn’t the one who constantly requested letters from Lily, nor was he the godfather absolutely smitten with his godson. Sirius wouldn’t admit it, but Lily and Harry meant almost as much to him as they did to James.
What James wanted was for Lily to come and sit down beside him and complete that image he had in his head of the three of them sharing one rare, perfect moment together. But Lily had started saying something about it being late and far past Harry’s bedtime, so reluctantly he put his wand in his robe pocket, scooped Harry up and handed him to his mother.
He watched as she took Harry and held him close, noting the way her head inclined towards their baby and the way her hair fell into Harry’s face, making him grab strands gleefully, which in turn made Lily laugh. Her face was etched with tiredness, and the slight slumping of her shoulders hinted at a heavy burden, but Harry had this way of bringing the both of them joy when surely they felt like despairing.
Motherhood agrees with her, he thought as he leaned back into the sofa. It wasn’t too long ago that procreating with the Giant Squid would have been more appealing to Lily than marrying James- and look how far things had come! His smile suddenly faltered and James’ shoulders sagged a little. As much as he had everything he could possibly want right now, there was part of him that yearned for the days when Lily still hated him, if only because it meant a time without so much worry for their safety. His perfect life had come at a price and there wasn’t a moment that went by that he forgot about that.
As if to highlight this, James heard the sound of the door flying open and he knew, just knew that it was him.
No, he thought. Not today. Not this moment. No, no, no, no, no! Something must have gone wrong! Something must have happened to Peter!
But he doesn’t have a chance to contemplate what.
He stood up. (His wand fell out of his pocket, unnoticed by him.)
He found himself running to the hallway, to warn Lily. He reached for his wand. (It was on the sofa, far out of his reach.) But it was too late to go back for it.
“Lily, take Harry and go! It’s him! Go! Run!” he screamed as fear overwhelmed him. “I’ll hold him off!”
He couldn’t believe this was actually happening. They’d been fearful for so long and now he was here at this very moment. (They should have been more prepared.)
Lily didn’t say anything, but he heard the sound of her frantic footsteps as she rushed up the stairs. And he felt, rather than saw, her looking behind her shoulder at him with the upmost fear in her eyes.
There was no time to tell each other they loved one another or to say goodbye (and he knew it was goodbye, knew) because Voldemort was standing in their doorway, in their home, brandishing his wand in James’ face.
James heart was pounding so loudly that he couldn’t hear Lily’s screams as she stood frozen on the top of the stairs and a hundred thoughts passed through his head in a second.
(Lily, why aren’t you running? You need to run! I’ll try to hold him off. You need to get you and Harry to safety. I’ll do my best, my best.)
James glimpsed the red eyes behind the hood; he was terrified, but would never admit it to the monster in front of him.
(Fuck, why don’t I have my wand? We don’t stand a chance. LILY!)
James held out his hands, as though this action alone would provide protection enough.
He heard the sound of derisive laughter and still, he couldn’t believe this was all happening.
(He must have killed Peter and we were fools to think hiding would be this easy.)
Voldemort’s mouth moved. James couldn’t make out the words, but he knew the spell.
(I’ve failed you Lily, haven’t I? There’s not enough time to escape. And I couldn’t protect you. I was meant to protect you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I love you.)
The last thing James saw was a flash of green light and he felt himself flying to the ground.
Then Death took him by the hand, forcing him away from his home and away from Lily and Harry who were about to meet their own demise. The heart in the body that was no longer his own, broke, and his soul cried out in pain at everything that he was losing.
I wish I’d kept them safe! he screamed at Death, as it dragged him along. I would have done anything to prevent this.
But Death just looked on.
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A dying man is always granted his one last wish. If that man is already dead, would it make a difference?
Part Two this way