(no subject)
This is the first time I've posted anything on lj in a year - exactly 52 weeks is what it says on my homescreen. I'm not really sure why I decided to start this up again, and I'm not even gonna bother trying to make my page look cool or anything. I guess I just kind of miss having a place to write down all of the things that stress me out...it seems like those stressful things got together and multiplied over the last year.
Since it would be almost impossible to explain all of the things that have been going on with me since I was last on lj, here's a short list of things that have been bothering me in the past month or so.
-people (the same people) constantly breaking or changing plans at the last second.
-money...or the lack of it.
-people (guys) who are totally, 100% full of fucking sh*t (I guess that's bothering me more than the rest of these things.)
-work; the people there are so easily excited over nothing and it's not fun to feel like you're constantly surrounded by negative energy. It wouldn't be so bad except for:
-the fact that I haven't had a vacation in like 4 years.
-worries about future plans.
I won't go into detail with these...except maybe for number 3. I mean, honestly...I don't understand how guys can act in ways that totally contradict the things they say to you. I hate that lately my life has become like a Sex and the City episode. I never wanted to be one of those girls who sits around wondering what the hell the guy she's interested in is thinking. And it seems like they're all the same. The cycle goes like this:
meet guy --> guy is awesome --> guy thinks I'm awesome --> we date/he's the sweetest guy in the world/I rave about guy to my girlfriends --> guy sends mixed messages for about 3 days, then drops off the face of the planet.
The thing that kills me about all of this is that it would be so much more decent if the guy lost interest and just TOLD me instead of disappearing. I don't know if they realize how much that really hurts. It really makes you feel like something's horribly wrong with you after a while. I wish I could at least date a guy who had balls big enough to handle breaking up like a man.
So no more dating for me. I'm going to completely stop looking/caring/giving out my number until I find a guy that can prove to me that he's not like all of the rest. Seriously. Make some self-improvements or something.
This might be the girliest thing I've written in a while, but I needed to write it. I'm seriously getting to the point of despondency and I need to vent.