(no subject)
I'm kind of hating everything right now. I hate the way I look, I hate school and the way things are going with school, I hate that I built up Germany in my head as some kind of great adventure that would change my life for the better. I'm so confused right now. I thought being an interpreter was my "It job", and I'm finding more and more that Germany just is really not somewhere I can see myself living. I have no idea where Germans got a reputation for being hard-workers, organized, and on-time, because they are none of these. This has got to be the most unorganized place I have ever been in, and as a result, I've been totally screwed over several times, especially with money. It's just such a fucking huge let-down when the plans you make for your life turn out to be the complete opposite of what you want. I know I'm only 21 (my 21st birthday was totally shitty, by the way), and I have what people call "a long time" to figure out what I want, but I just want to KNOW what I want. I want to have a goal. I want to have a passion. Something that drives me. Something I can strive for and work hard at to achieve. I'm just so tired of being unsatisfied with everything I do and with every place I visit. I think I should just move to Holland. It's the only place I really like.
I think people are like leaves. If they don't get enough of what they need, they become weak, and all it takes it one last, strong gust of wind, and they're gone.