just when everything else falls apart...
Ok. i know it's been a while but i was on the myspace fad for a while. not to mention i haven't been using my computer lately.. i just wait for nick to get off his. A lot has happened since i've written here.. probably too much to remember to put in here. It just seems like nothing is going right. So the final total is just below 3500$. comes to about 400 a month if i want to get out in 9 months. not too easy but something that needs to be done if i dont want to totally put my life on a permant hold. ahhh. So working at wendys has turned out pretty well. i like it there, the people are nice.. except for this stupid girl i hate but ya can't win em all.
Things have been complicated lately. I'm not sure where my feelings are taking me. I've been having weird dreams too. I've just been thinking about my relationship lately. I can't seem to realize what's best for me. i just have so many thoughts and feelings, i can't sort them out. One one hand he takes care of me. I mean how many boyfriends work their asses off just to make enough to pay the bills. On the other hand theres a lot of little things. things that might matter more than just taking care of someone. i mean dont get me wrong, i'm grateful for everything we have, the apartment, new couches ect. but theres other things that have just been driving me crazy. Like how i can make him dinner practically every night if not 4 times a week but now that i'm working he either eats without me or waits for me to make dinner. hmm.. i'm all for being domestic but something doesn't seem fair. I've also broke down his time... about 50% work, 20% sleep, 20% computer, 3% eating, smoking, 1% cleaning, 4% watching tv/movies and 2% me. i'm soo serious. i mean it doesn't help me working nights and not getting home till 1am but it was the only shift they had. I just always feel like i have to check up on him. i know i've done my share of shady shit but i've never cheated. Honestly i'm still not over that. yeah i guess it's gay considering it's been over a year now but i just can't get over it. i just feel like we've lost our connection. i remember when i couldn't wait to see him. now since two days ago i've probably said 20 words to him. I'm just not sure anymore. i know he feels it too.. he has to. theres just NO romance, i mean i came home from work the other day really sore and said my shoulders hurt. i asked him to rub them and he was like i just woke up (he had the day off) and i'm tired. i just dont see myself marrying him or even continuing a relationship with the way things are going. i think we might need to take a break. maybe i could just stay at my moms for a while. maybe just until things change. it's not like i want this to happen. i've invested over 2 years into this relationship and i worked very hard to get nick. we've just past the "wooing" stage. but i'm not going to settle. there should be no stages. i should be treated better. not like he treats me badly, he takes care of me. just not emotionally lately. i dont know what will happen. i just hope things turn around.
i just dont know how to tell nick.
PeaceOut
Things have been complicated lately. I'm not sure where my feelings are taking me. I've been having weird dreams too. I've just been thinking about my relationship lately. I can't seem to realize what's best for me. i just have so many thoughts and feelings, i can't sort them out. One one hand he takes care of me. I mean how many boyfriends work their asses off just to make enough to pay the bills. On the other hand theres a lot of little things. things that might matter more than just taking care of someone. i mean dont get me wrong, i'm grateful for everything we have, the apartment, new couches ect. but theres other things that have just been driving me crazy. Like how i can make him dinner practically every night if not 4 times a week but now that i'm working he either eats without me or waits for me to make dinner. hmm.. i'm all for being domestic but something doesn't seem fair. I've also broke down his time... about 50% work, 20% sleep, 20% computer, 3% eating, smoking, 1% cleaning, 4% watching tv/movies and 2% me. i'm soo serious. i mean it doesn't help me working nights and not getting home till 1am but it was the only shift they had. I just always feel like i have to check up on him. i know i've done my share of shady shit but i've never cheated. Honestly i'm still not over that. yeah i guess it's gay considering it's been over a year now but i just can't get over it. i just feel like we've lost our connection. i remember when i couldn't wait to see him. now since two days ago i've probably said 20 words to him. I'm just not sure anymore. i know he feels it too.. he has to. theres just NO romance, i mean i came home from work the other day really sore and said my shoulders hurt. i asked him to rub them and he was like i just woke up (he had the day off) and i'm tired. i just dont see myself marrying him or even continuing a relationship with the way things are going. i think we might need to take a break. maybe i could just stay at my moms for a while. maybe just until things change. it's not like i want this to happen. i've invested over 2 years into this relationship and i worked very hard to get nick. we've just past the "wooing" stage. but i'm not going to settle. there should be no stages. i should be treated better. not like he treats me badly, he takes care of me. just not emotionally lately. i dont know what will happen. i just hope things turn around.
i just dont know how to tell nick.
PeaceOut