I lasted 4 days.... 4 days too long.
Anthony,
I'm breaking the rules. The no-contact rules. I have to. It's an emergency. I've had 2 dreams the past two nights about you telling me when school starts that you were with someone else this whole sumemr. And then my whole summer waiting for you was pointless because you just wanted to be with someone else. Isn't a "break" from a relationship a time when the two people can just be free and date other people? Because that is what I have been hearing from people that I talk to about this... that seems to be the general consensus. So, what kind of "break" is this? You are already so far away from me and we can't see each other... why do you need to cut the knife deeper? Why do you need this so bad? Why can't you make decisions or think things through without us being together still...?
I don't need you to tell me if you want to be with me for the rest of your life. I need you to tell me if you are strong enough, determined enough, willing enough, disciplined enough to make a long distance relationship work for an extended period of time. How is that so hard? Do you have self control? Can you bear the fact that we might not see each other for a few weeks? Can you be faithful? Do you want to be? Can you find ways of talking to me and "being" with me, even if not in the physical sense? Can you make compromises? Can you be happy with seeing me once a month? Would you be willing to do that to stay together with me?
Yes, you get lonely--don't we all. But you deal with it. You don't run into someone else's arms. You don't do something stupid that can ruin your relationship. You deal. Are you willing to do that? Is that what you are "thinking over"? Why do we have to further separate ourselves from each other in order for you to do that? I know it probably doesn't mean as much to you, but it kills me to not be able to talk to you at all. I think this break is putting a rift between us... one that I don't think I can recover from. If I don't talk to you for the next two months, I could find myself not needing you after all. Learning how to live without you and still being happy. Is that what you want? I feel so strongly for you right now, I don't want to be without you. Don't do this to me... please. I want to be happy with you. But I think I'll forget how to be. And then by the time we "get back together" in the fall, it will be too late--we will be busy in school and we won't have time to stitch up the knife-wound in our relationship. We'll drift apart. After a summer of you not wanting to talk to me... I'm afraid I won't want you either. I know I am very psychotic and melodramatic, but this "break" is not the way to go. I know that now more than ever, because I can truly see myself not wanting to be with you again by the time school starts because of how rejected, hurt, angry, frustrated, and cold I feel towards you right now. I am trying to save our relationship.
I'm putting my foot down-- you have two choices: break up with me or be with me. Black or White. No middle ground.. it is too confusing and I can't make any guarantees about the end result. And I don't want to spend a summer without you but still be considered "with you". That is not fair and not right. You have had a week without me. How did it feel? If you felt less stressed out, enjoyed yourself better, felt less nagged about the future... then fine... maybe we shouldn't be together after all. I don't want you to say you want to be back with me if you still feel "apathetic" toward our relationship--that is just stupid. If you feel that way, then leave. I want someone who is going to be there for me, who is going to tolerate my quirks, who sincerely wants to be with me, and knows that no matter how many miles are between us, that can't change how he feels about me. He doesn't need to see me to love me. Maybe that's you, and maybe that's not you... and if it's not you, then I'm done. If it's meant to be between us, then we'll let fate figure that one out.
But all I know is, I have never loved or cared for a person (outside of my family) as much as I love and care for you. And I know I love you so much that I am willing to make sacrafices for our relationship. I am more than willing to not go to medical school if I have a good enough reason to keep me from it. I am more than willing to become a physical therapist or a physician's assisstant and start a family earlier if I know that there is another part of my life, a part better than just a career, that will be there waiting for me. I'll run away to medical school if I don't have that--more of as a way to keep myself in school until life deals me a better hand. But I think that hand I have now is great--I would choose you over medical school any day. It's really not that important to me--I can help people in so many other ways and I won't need to be a doctor to do that. I know you don't like talking about marriage, but in a couple years, after we graduate, I know that my life would be so much more fulfilled being married to you than becoming a doctor. Because being with you is something I feel extremely passionate about, and I do not feel nearly as passionate about being a doctor. And I know that you complete me. We have chamistry. :( Don't you remember that? Sure we piss each other off, banter regularly, and disagree on things, but who doesn't? You've taught me so much... more about love than anything else. Why do I feel like I have to convince you that I'm worth it...? It doesn't seem right or fair... You should just know if I'm worth it. You shouldn't have to spend a summer trying to figure it out. And if you have doubt, you work through it with me or you lose me. You can't just say we're in a relationship without acting like we are in a relationship. That hurts too much... for me anywya...
This is serious. I need a response as soon as possible before I go truly mad. Whether by phone or email ... please talk to me, whatever your response is. Go with your gut feeling, your intuition... you're usually always right with that. Because if this "break" keeps going on the way it is, you will end up losing me anyway... whether you want to or not. So either make it happen now or give me something to hold onto so I know that these last 2.5 years hasn't all just been a dream.
I love you...
Carolyn
I'm breaking the rules. The no-contact rules. I have to. It's an emergency. I've had 2 dreams the past two nights about you telling me when school starts that you were with someone else this whole sumemr. And then my whole summer waiting for you was pointless because you just wanted to be with someone else. Isn't a "break" from a relationship a time when the two people can just be free and date other people? Because that is what I have been hearing from people that I talk to about this... that seems to be the general consensus. So, what kind of "break" is this? You are already so far away from me and we can't see each other... why do you need to cut the knife deeper? Why do you need this so bad? Why can't you make decisions or think things through without us being together still...?
I don't need you to tell me if you want to be with me for the rest of your life. I need you to tell me if you are strong enough, determined enough, willing enough, disciplined enough to make a long distance relationship work for an extended period of time. How is that so hard? Do you have self control? Can you bear the fact that we might not see each other for a few weeks? Can you be faithful? Do you want to be? Can you find ways of talking to me and "being" with me, even if not in the physical sense? Can you make compromises? Can you be happy with seeing me once a month? Would you be willing to do that to stay together with me?
Yes, you get lonely--don't we all. But you deal with it. You don't run into someone else's arms. You don't do something stupid that can ruin your relationship. You deal. Are you willing to do that? Is that what you are "thinking over"? Why do we have to further separate ourselves from each other in order for you to do that? I know it probably doesn't mean as much to you, but it kills me to not be able to talk to you at all. I think this break is putting a rift between us... one that I don't think I can recover from. If I don't talk to you for the next two months, I could find myself not needing you after all. Learning how to live without you and still being happy. Is that what you want? I feel so strongly for you right now, I don't want to be without you. Don't do this to me... please. I want to be happy with you. But I think I'll forget how to be. And then by the time we "get back together" in the fall, it will be too late--we will be busy in school and we won't have time to stitch up the knife-wound in our relationship. We'll drift apart. After a summer of you not wanting to talk to me... I'm afraid I won't want you either. I know I am very psychotic and melodramatic, but this "break" is not the way to go. I know that now more than ever, because I can truly see myself not wanting to be with you again by the time school starts because of how rejected, hurt, angry, frustrated, and cold I feel towards you right now. I am trying to save our relationship.
I'm putting my foot down-- you have two choices: break up with me or be with me. Black or White. No middle ground.. it is too confusing and I can't make any guarantees about the end result. And I don't want to spend a summer without you but still be considered "with you". That is not fair and not right. You have had a week without me. How did it feel? If you felt less stressed out, enjoyed yourself better, felt less nagged about the future... then fine... maybe we shouldn't be together after all. I don't want you to say you want to be back with me if you still feel "apathetic" toward our relationship--that is just stupid. If you feel that way, then leave. I want someone who is going to be there for me, who is going to tolerate my quirks, who sincerely wants to be with me, and knows that no matter how many miles are between us, that can't change how he feels about me. He doesn't need to see me to love me. Maybe that's you, and maybe that's not you... and if it's not you, then I'm done. If it's meant to be between us, then we'll let fate figure that one out.
But all I know is, I have never loved or cared for a person (outside of my family) as much as I love and care for you. And I know I love you so much that I am willing to make sacrafices for our relationship. I am more than willing to not go to medical school if I have a good enough reason to keep me from it. I am more than willing to become a physical therapist or a physician's assisstant and start a family earlier if I know that there is another part of my life, a part better than just a career, that will be there waiting for me. I'll run away to medical school if I don't have that--more of as a way to keep myself in school until life deals me a better hand. But I think that hand I have now is great--I would choose you over medical school any day. It's really not that important to me--I can help people in so many other ways and I won't need to be a doctor to do that. I know you don't like talking about marriage, but in a couple years, after we graduate, I know that my life would be so much more fulfilled being married to you than becoming a doctor. Because being with you is something I feel extremely passionate about, and I do not feel nearly as passionate about being a doctor. And I know that you complete me. We have chamistry. :( Don't you remember that? Sure we piss each other off, banter regularly, and disagree on things, but who doesn't? You've taught me so much... more about love than anything else. Why do I feel like I have to convince you that I'm worth it...? It doesn't seem right or fair... You should just know if I'm worth it. You shouldn't have to spend a summer trying to figure it out. And if you have doubt, you work through it with me or you lose me. You can't just say we're in a relationship without acting like we are in a relationship. That hurts too much... for me anywya...
This is serious. I need a response as soon as possible before I go truly mad. Whether by phone or email ... please talk to me, whatever your response is. Go with your gut feeling, your intuition... you're usually always right with that. Because if this "break" keeps going on the way it is, you will end up losing me anyway... whether you want to or not. So either make it happen now or give me something to hold onto so I know that these last 2.5 years hasn't all just been a dream.
I love you...
Carolyn