You Could Be Into You But You Don't Know What You're Like
Today for my (nearly) daily workout I went the cardio route. I usually go with a machine called Crossramp, and as of late my goal is to go farther in 45 minutes than I did the previous time. Faster, better, now, go, blah, blah, blah...
Anyway... I got off to a fantastic start and about midway through I realized I was on pace to crack 6 miles in 45 minutes, which would be a nice boost over my previous high mark. I stepped it up and really pushed myself pretty hard. The 45 minute mark hit and... I was at like 5.98! So it took me 45 minutes and 35 seconds to get to 6. Still, it felt pretty great.
During my cooldown, all lost in thought, my MP3 player's shuffle landed on the song displayed below.
[This is the part of the entry where you ideally hit 'Play' on the video]
First things first... I think fate was very unfair to P.M. Dawn. These pop/hip-hop new age inspired hippies really had a cool thing going musically. The image was a bit much but their melodies, their samples choices ("Downtown Venus" samples "Hush" by Deep Purple), and their lyricism were very cool. That's why a handful of their songs are in my MP3 player long after they left the music world. :P
There was something about the words in "Downtown Venus" that really struck me today, especially in the context of working out and my quest for self-improvement. I've heard this song countless times but the line "You could be into you but you don't know what you're like" followed by "You would be into you but you don't know what you're like" really knocked me on my mental ass. I'm not sure what they were aiming for besides a good hook but there is something in that today that spoke to me.
I have, in recent years, really developed a lot of self-image problems. It doesn't matter what avenue of life -- professional, personal, physical, psychological, etc -- I always feel like I'm short of what I could be. To borrow from P.M. Dawn, I can't get into me. And as I'm sure you know, it doesn't matter how many people tell you you're this or that, that you're fun to be with or you look good or whatever... if you're not at least a little into yourself then none of it really matters.
I tend to compensate for this by constantly seeking approval or attention, thinking that maybe if just one more person tells me X, Y, or Z that I'll finally believe it and be more confident. But now I know that'll never be enough on it's own. It has to come with something internal. Again, I know I could be into me if I'm willing to accept what I'm like. If I'm willing to believe that, for example, people don't say nice things to me just to be polite. They don't compliment something I did because it serves them in some way. They don't tell me I look good out of pity. They don't hang out with me because they feel sorry for me.
I'm not just tolerated. I'm welcomed. The people I know and like are as lucky to have me in their life as I am to have them in mine.
You have no idea how strange and difficult it is to write that last sentence out. Harder still to actually try and believe it.
But maybe you do. Maybe, as this semi-forgotten musical duo reminded me today, "You would be into you but you don't know what you're like" just as (as they say in the final chorus) "I could be into me but I don't know what I'm like."
It could be that I'm reading too much into or taking too much out of a random pop song. Wouldn't be the first time and it won't be the last. :)
J
Anyway... I got off to a fantastic start and about midway through I realized I was on pace to crack 6 miles in 45 minutes, which would be a nice boost over my previous high mark. I stepped it up and really pushed myself pretty hard. The 45 minute mark hit and... I was at like 5.98! So it took me 45 minutes and 35 seconds to get to 6. Still, it felt pretty great.
During my cooldown, all lost in thought, my MP3 player's shuffle landed on the song displayed below.
Click to view[This is the part of the entry where you ideally hit 'Play' on the video]
First things first... I think fate was very unfair to P.M. Dawn. These pop/hip-hop new age inspired hippies really had a cool thing going musically. The image was a bit much but their melodies, their samples choices ("Downtown Venus" samples "Hush" by Deep Purple), and their lyricism were very cool. That's why a handful of their songs are in my MP3 player long after they left the music world. :P
There was something about the words in "Downtown Venus" that really struck me today, especially in the context of working out and my quest for self-improvement. I've heard this song countless times but the line "You could be into you but you don't know what you're like" followed by "You would be into you but you don't know what you're like" really knocked me on my mental ass. I'm not sure what they were aiming for besides a good hook but there is something in that today that spoke to me.
I have, in recent years, really developed a lot of self-image problems. It doesn't matter what avenue of life -- professional, personal, physical, psychological, etc -- I always feel like I'm short of what I could be. To borrow from P.M. Dawn, I can't get into me. And as I'm sure you know, it doesn't matter how many people tell you you're this or that, that you're fun to be with or you look good or whatever... if you're not at least a little into yourself then none of it really matters.
I tend to compensate for this by constantly seeking approval or attention, thinking that maybe if just one more person tells me X, Y, or Z that I'll finally believe it and be more confident. But now I know that'll never be enough on it's own. It has to come with something internal. Again, I know I could be into me if I'm willing to accept what I'm like. If I'm willing to believe that, for example, people don't say nice things to me just to be polite. They don't compliment something I did because it serves them in some way. They don't tell me I look good out of pity. They don't hang out with me because they feel sorry for me.
I'm not just tolerated. I'm welcomed. The people I know and like are as lucky to have me in their life as I am to have them in mine.
You have no idea how strange and difficult it is to write that last sentence out. Harder still to actually try and believe it.
But maybe you do. Maybe, as this semi-forgotten musical duo reminded me today, "You would be into you but you don't know what you're like" just as (as they say in the final chorus) "I could be into me but I don't know what I'm like."
It could be that I'm reading too much into or taking too much out of a random pop song. Wouldn't be the first time and it won't be the last. :)
J