When I Say Pizza You Think...

Oct 27, 2008 16:28

First things first, aka "a brief word of self promotion/self pimping"...

The new not-so-much-Halloween-themed-but-more-like-Halloween-appropriate edition of Soundtrack, titled "Dreamscape", is up and ready for download: http://www.sendspace.com/file/yow31t

My LJ amigo, Nathaniel, who knows his good music from his bad, has told me this one is pretty damn good. I agree. It is unlike any other edition of the show so please do check it out...

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Now the entry proper...

Here is one of the coolest parts of being in love with someone...

When they're having a bad day sometimes you can find that part of yourself that can make them laugh like no one else on the planet can. This happened yesterday... in the grocery store... I got to be that person... and I can thank Banquet frozen dinners for it.

My wife had a rough morning. I was at the studio, putting Soundtrack to bed, and when I got home she was upset, frustrated, and not very cheery. But the kids were gone (off with the grandparents) so we headed out to the grocery store and I was feeling light and having a good post "Soundtrack is done!" buzz. So, of course, when we were in the frozen food section and something shiny and funny caught my eye I immediately became obsessed with it.

This short-lived but hilarious obsession was a Banquet Frozen Dinner containing these three items: A square piece of pepperoni pizza, a fudge brownie for desert, and... wait for it... corn.

Why did I find this so funny?

Consider this: The last time you ate a slice of pepperoni pizza -- even a microwaved crappy pre-frozen piece of pepperoni pizza -- did you ever stop and think to yourself, "Ya know what would go great with this? Some corn!"

Now I love pizza and I love corn. We're talking about one of my favorite foods (pizza) and my favorite vegetable. And I have never once in my life wanted both of these foods at the same time. In fact, I think anyone who would crave pizza and corn at the same time is either pregnant or fucking insane!

So I began imagining how this Banquet frozen dinner came about. I envisioned a meal planning team of two. Let's call them Bob and Lisa. And I think I went like this...

It was like 5:55 PM on a Friday and Bob and Lisa had to finish a series of Banquet meal combos. Quitting time was supposed to be 5 and they're behind schedule and they want to go home. They have one meal left to piece together...

Lisa: Okay... pepperoni pizza... what are we going to put in with it?
Bob: How about a salad?
Lisa: How the fuck are we going to freeze a salad, dumb ass?
Bob: Oh yeah... sorry... I'm tired.
Lisa: Okay... how about a brownie for the desert?
Bob: That sounds pretty gross. I never want chocolate right after pizza...
Lisa: Bob... it's late.
Bob: Fine... brownie it is.
Lisa: Now what about the vegetable?
Bob: A vegetable... with pizza?
Lisa: I know... but let's just pick something.
Bob: Okay... fuck it... corn.
Lisa: Corn!? That is so... ick.
Bob: It'll add color! It'll look good on the box.
Lisa: Fine... I need a drink. And I'm hungry.
Bob: Let's go get a pizza... and some corn!
Lisa and Bob: (Laugh)

I played out this dialog in the grocery aisle for a good two minutes and by the end my darling wife was laughing hard.

So thank you, Banquet... for putting together the most fucked-up frozen meal combo I've ever seen.

J

soundtrack, humor, love

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