rambles
so many things have happened this winter break... yet so little has happened at the same time. i feel so consumed, so taken aback by what has happened; i don't know what to think anymore.
i feel a great responsibility on my shoulers now, but it's not a burden. just... a responsibility. because of a recent turn of events, i feel like i must be a better person to set a better example to others. specifically, to my dear friend jon. he's going through so much pain; it hurts me to know that i am one of the causes of that great pain. seriously, i don't know what to do. what can i do? on the surface, he seems fine, but deep down... he isn't. he has inspired me to write this aphorism:
"The happiest people in school are the saddest ones in the world."
it's times like these where i wish man was primitive, where man wasn't a huge intellect with a passion to better the world... (heh, actually, i wish that all the time but it's times like these where i wish of that the most.) our retarded brains make us think so complicated so... unnecessary. man, man sucks!
heh, friendships... i apologize to all those whom i have distanced myself away from because well, this college thing is getting to me. i really don't want to go into my college life whimpering like a pathetic loser because of all the close friends i've lost, so i'm preparing for that now. the only person whom i haven't distanced away from is amanda (d) because chances are, she's gonna be my roomate at UA so i have nothing to fear about losing her as a friend. i know all your reasonings about 'better to have lost and loved than to never have loved at all,' but i just don't buy it. 'no gain [of friends] no pain.' that's gonna be my motto. if that even makes sense... the point is that i'm willing to lose friends now, before i form closer bonds with them than later, when i do. heartless, i know. so sue me.
i feel a great responsibility on my shoulers now, but it's not a burden. just... a responsibility. because of a recent turn of events, i feel like i must be a better person to set a better example to others. specifically, to my dear friend jon. he's going through so much pain; it hurts me to know that i am one of the causes of that great pain. seriously, i don't know what to do. what can i do? on the surface, he seems fine, but deep down... he isn't. he has inspired me to write this aphorism:
"The happiest people in school are the saddest ones in the world."
it's times like these where i wish man was primitive, where man wasn't a huge intellect with a passion to better the world... (heh, actually, i wish that all the time but it's times like these where i wish of that the most.) our retarded brains make us think so complicated so... unnecessary. man, man sucks!
heh, friendships... i apologize to all those whom i have distanced myself away from because well, this college thing is getting to me. i really don't want to go into my college life whimpering like a pathetic loser because of all the close friends i've lost, so i'm preparing for that now. the only person whom i haven't distanced away from is amanda (d) because chances are, she's gonna be my roomate at UA so i have nothing to fear about losing her as a friend. i know all your reasonings about 'better to have lost and loved than to never have loved at all,' but i just don't buy it. 'no gain [of friends] no pain.' that's gonna be my motto. if that even makes sense... the point is that i'm willing to lose friends now, before i form closer bonds with them than later, when i do. heartless, i know. so sue me.