what day is today, besides the day you left me
I'm sitting here in my room with the light shining through the shades, thinking over last night. Although i regret everything from the bottom of my heart, i still have so many questions left unanswered, and i know my heart will be restless till they are. but, my dear, i'll burry it alive.
I sat in church today and thought about how i've changed. i remember once being able to play and laugh like a child, with out a care in the world. i was reminded of this at the clue social. i started out the night yelling at mike for running with the kids, and by the end of it they were trying to keep up with me. i screamed, i laughed, i ran. where is that now? it seems it comes out in the middle of excitement, but where is my child innosence now? where is my joy and laughter?
i think the biggest thing i am missing is my innosence. i miss being free and not caring what anyone thought, because i had you by my side. i beleived and i trusted and i opened a part of me no one saw. how do i get that back? how do i reclaim the person i was before all of this happened? I've been told to "just get over it" or "just move on" or "your not letting yourself" thats a load of bull. this isn't something that just goes away with time. the very problem is that something in gone, a part of me missing.
the thing is, my old best friend brought something out in me, and when he left, that left too. how does a person just get over that? how do u get over losing the one person who knew you the best and was always there for you? how do u move on from that when you were pushed aside and replaced? he was something very special that does not come again, why am i not the same?
i'm not saying i'll never get over this, i'm not saying geting my friend back is the only way to be happy. i'm just trying to understand how i came out of this so jaded, and yet he's still the same. its as if none of this happened to him. i cant so easily replace you.
what do i want? my college interviewer asked me that, i wanted to scream "MY BEST FRIEND". i've been told a million times "more time, later, timetimetime" but i'm starting to lose my faith in time. the truth is, you were right, it was the begining of a painful end. if your goal was for me to live a life apart from you, and to push me away, to have me lose all hope in a relationship, or even a friendship, you've absolutely succeeded.
whats hurt so much up untill now, was that i wanted my friend back so badly i tried so hard, but there seemed little effort in return. so, i'll play this your way.
i dont write any of this to hurt you, i honestly highely doubt you'll ever read all of this. i hope you dont, because i dont want to cause you any pain. i just have to get out what i'm thinking somewhere, and myspace wasnt safe, and i cant tell you.
I sat in church today and thought about how i've changed. i remember once being able to play and laugh like a child, with out a care in the world. i was reminded of this at the clue social. i started out the night yelling at mike for running with the kids, and by the end of it they were trying to keep up with me. i screamed, i laughed, i ran. where is that now? it seems it comes out in the middle of excitement, but where is my child innosence now? where is my joy and laughter?
i think the biggest thing i am missing is my innosence. i miss being free and not caring what anyone thought, because i had you by my side. i beleived and i trusted and i opened a part of me no one saw. how do i get that back? how do i reclaim the person i was before all of this happened? I've been told to "just get over it" or "just move on" or "your not letting yourself" thats a load of bull. this isn't something that just goes away with time. the very problem is that something in gone, a part of me missing.
the thing is, my old best friend brought something out in me, and when he left, that left too. how does a person just get over that? how do u get over losing the one person who knew you the best and was always there for you? how do u move on from that when you were pushed aside and replaced? he was something very special that does not come again, why am i not the same?
i'm not saying i'll never get over this, i'm not saying geting my friend back is the only way to be happy. i'm just trying to understand how i came out of this so jaded, and yet he's still the same. its as if none of this happened to him. i cant so easily replace you.
what do i want? my college interviewer asked me that, i wanted to scream "MY BEST FRIEND". i've been told a million times "more time, later, timetimetime" but i'm starting to lose my faith in time. the truth is, you were right, it was the begining of a painful end. if your goal was for me to live a life apart from you, and to push me away, to have me lose all hope in a relationship, or even a friendship, you've absolutely succeeded.
whats hurt so much up untill now, was that i wanted my friend back so badly i tried so hard, but there seemed little effort in return. so, i'll play this your way.
i dont write any of this to hurt you, i honestly highely doubt you'll ever read all of this. i hope you dont, because i dont want to cause you any pain. i just have to get out what i'm thinking somewhere, and myspace wasnt safe, and i cant tell you.