Here I am
I have managed to avoid pretty much any avenue of contact with people of late. Why? I really don't know. I have just needed time to myself to sort things out in my own head. And despite all this time and pissing people off, I haven't really manged to come up with much.
That friend of mine I mentioned in the previous post, well he decided that he no longer wanted to talk to me. Basically, he got annoyed at the fact that I needed time to digest what he had told me and said that he couldn't put himself through that kind of hurt again, so thought it best to just forget the friendship. Now this is going to sound totally bitchy, but at the moment I don't really care. He was the one that decided at the beginning of our friendship that he liked me and wasn't going to say anything. He then was the one that decided to not say anything through the entirity of our friendship. He decided to stop talking to me when he thought things were getting a little weird and basically make me think that he hated me. He was the one that thought it a good idea to tell me how he felt after over a year of friendship knowing that it may jeopardise things. I tell him that I need some time to gather my thoughts, but that things would be okay. NEVER in our conversation did I give any kind of time frame as to when things would be okay, but apparently I have taken too long. I didn't even realise that was possible. He took over 2 months to decide telling me would be a good idea. It was never that I didn't want to be friends with him, I just needed to figure out what level of friendship I wanted to regain with him and move past the things that he had told me without feeling weird about it. So I get to that point, and he says he doesn't think it is worth it. How is it that he puts our friendship on the line, and yet somehow I am the one left fighting for it?? I am so angry about it!
One of my best friends is pregnant with her second child. It is just strange really. Not that she isn't old enough (she will be 23 in July), but the circumstances are too bizarre to be bringing another child into the world. She broke up with the guy after the first child was born and they haven't been together since, but have been spending every day together for the sake of their child. Apparently they are still sleeping together and have (and planned as well) conceived another child. She is happy, and for that I am happy for her, but I just want to know when exactly she threw all of her dreams and ambitions out of the window and decided to be a full time mum.
I find myself thinking about him a whole lot lately. Not really because I want to get back together with him, I don't really know what it is. I miss him, and it has been so long. I have even gone to the extent of trying to get into contact with him, with much failed success. I just miss the feeling.
I feel so ridiculously single at the moment. The worst part is, I am not even meeting people, because I am so caught up in feeling shit, I don't want to go anywhere.
It is my birthday in less than 2 weeks and I will be 23 and single. For some reason that thought is eating me up inside. I know 23 is young and it shouldn't be a big deal etc. etc. but for some deragned reason it is to me.
Despite all my promises at the beginning of the year, I have totally managed to screw uni and am so ridiculously far behind I have no idea how I am going to recover. I thought these holidays might help, but instead I have sat at home feeling sorry for myself. I have tried so hard to pull myself out of this rut, but it hasn't really helped.
You know things are bullshit when you can barely function on a regular plane because you think things are that bad. It isn't that I am actually clinically depressed or anything, I am just finding it hard to cope with the things that are going on in my life at the moment. You know when you feel as though everything is kind of falling down at the same time..
The pieces need to start picking themselves up or I am going to need some kind of escape.
That friend of mine I mentioned in the previous post, well he decided that he no longer wanted to talk to me. Basically, he got annoyed at the fact that I needed time to digest what he had told me and said that he couldn't put himself through that kind of hurt again, so thought it best to just forget the friendship. Now this is going to sound totally bitchy, but at the moment I don't really care. He was the one that decided at the beginning of our friendship that he liked me and wasn't going to say anything. He then was the one that decided to not say anything through the entirity of our friendship. He decided to stop talking to me when he thought things were getting a little weird and basically make me think that he hated me. He was the one that thought it a good idea to tell me how he felt after over a year of friendship knowing that it may jeopardise things. I tell him that I need some time to gather my thoughts, but that things would be okay. NEVER in our conversation did I give any kind of time frame as to when things would be okay, but apparently I have taken too long. I didn't even realise that was possible. He took over 2 months to decide telling me would be a good idea. It was never that I didn't want to be friends with him, I just needed to figure out what level of friendship I wanted to regain with him and move past the things that he had told me without feeling weird about it. So I get to that point, and he says he doesn't think it is worth it. How is it that he puts our friendship on the line, and yet somehow I am the one left fighting for it?? I am so angry about it!
One of my best friends is pregnant with her second child. It is just strange really. Not that she isn't old enough (she will be 23 in July), but the circumstances are too bizarre to be bringing another child into the world. She broke up with the guy after the first child was born and they haven't been together since, but have been spending every day together for the sake of their child. Apparently they are still sleeping together and have (and planned as well) conceived another child. She is happy, and for that I am happy for her, but I just want to know when exactly she threw all of her dreams and ambitions out of the window and decided to be a full time mum.
I find myself thinking about him a whole lot lately. Not really because I want to get back together with him, I don't really know what it is. I miss him, and it has been so long. I have even gone to the extent of trying to get into contact with him, with much failed success. I just miss the feeling.
I feel so ridiculously single at the moment. The worst part is, I am not even meeting people, because I am so caught up in feeling shit, I don't want to go anywhere.
It is my birthday in less than 2 weeks and I will be 23 and single. For some reason that thought is eating me up inside. I know 23 is young and it shouldn't be a big deal etc. etc. but for some deragned reason it is to me.
Despite all my promises at the beginning of the year, I have totally managed to screw uni and am so ridiculously far behind I have no idea how I am going to recover. I thought these holidays might help, but instead I have sat at home feeling sorry for myself. I have tried so hard to pull myself out of this rut, but it hasn't really helped.
You know things are bullshit when you can barely function on a regular plane because you think things are that bad. It isn't that I am actually clinically depressed or anything, I am just finding it hard to cope with the things that are going on in my life at the moment. You know when you feel as though everything is kind of falling down at the same time..
The pieces need to start picking themselves up or I am going to need some kind of escape.