(no subject)
i feel like i have noone to run to.
speaking to one of my friends just upsets me and everyone else is too busy. i dont know anymore. im breaking down again and feel completely alone. its like the music video for that incubus song - the one where the girl is in these crowded places like in the middle of an office and in the middle of the street. during the chorus, she just screams but noone can hear her. thats how i feel.
one of my friends doesnt even listen to my bitching anymore. another friend is just too caught up in everything going on in her life. one of my best friends seems to be slowing turning against me. who cares if i actually make sense, because thats not what my goal is right now.
then there is someone who is there always. 12:30 in the morning when i cant sleep. all i need is for someone to hear me. not to judge me, not to interrupt me, and not to look at my venting as a means of receiving attention from the people around me.
whatever.
its like a recurring nightmare. it only gets better for a short period of time. and during that short period of time, its hard to be happy. its almost as if im fooling myself. if one thing doesnt upset me, something else does. how ridiculous.
ive given up on trying to find someone to be compatible with. after my last big fling, as i guess you can call it, i refused to let people inside my heart. a broken heart hurts too much and i didnt want to go through that again, especially not immediately after. just recently have i started just to see possibilities. i have come to an abrupt dead end and i feel like there is no way to turn back. all around me, people are falling in and out of love, and its not like i want a boyfriend, i just dont like being alone. i know that im not alone because i have my friends, but somethings missing. theres still that void inside me that i fear will never be filled no matter how hard i try.
maybe i should give one of my friends a rest. it just seems like i am getting in the way and i dont want to put him at any situation he doesnt want to be. its fine with me. i realized that its also because of him that i have been messed up. i never thought that it would get this far. i figured it would be like the usual, you know a few weeks and its over. but ive learned that once there is love involved, all else is a blur and almost unimportant. friends should never be unimportant. after all, who is left when the girlfriend is gone? the friend. friends stick by you no matter what.
thats what i thought we were. you have said it so many times, but honestly, how many of those times did you actually mean?
i give up on us..
speaking to one of my friends just upsets me and everyone else is too busy. i dont know anymore. im breaking down again and feel completely alone. its like the music video for that incubus song - the one where the girl is in these crowded places like in the middle of an office and in the middle of the street. during the chorus, she just screams but noone can hear her. thats how i feel.
one of my friends doesnt even listen to my bitching anymore. another friend is just too caught up in everything going on in her life. one of my best friends seems to be slowing turning against me. who cares if i actually make sense, because thats not what my goal is right now.
then there is someone who is there always. 12:30 in the morning when i cant sleep. all i need is for someone to hear me. not to judge me, not to interrupt me, and not to look at my venting as a means of receiving attention from the people around me.
whatever.
its like a recurring nightmare. it only gets better for a short period of time. and during that short period of time, its hard to be happy. its almost as if im fooling myself. if one thing doesnt upset me, something else does. how ridiculous.
ive given up on trying to find someone to be compatible with. after my last big fling, as i guess you can call it, i refused to let people inside my heart. a broken heart hurts too much and i didnt want to go through that again, especially not immediately after. just recently have i started just to see possibilities. i have come to an abrupt dead end and i feel like there is no way to turn back. all around me, people are falling in and out of love, and its not like i want a boyfriend, i just dont like being alone. i know that im not alone because i have my friends, but somethings missing. theres still that void inside me that i fear will never be filled no matter how hard i try.
maybe i should give one of my friends a rest. it just seems like i am getting in the way and i dont want to put him at any situation he doesnt want to be. its fine with me. i realized that its also because of him that i have been messed up. i never thought that it would get this far. i figured it would be like the usual, you know a few weeks and its over. but ive learned that once there is love involved, all else is a blur and almost unimportant. friends should never be unimportant. after all, who is left when the girlfriend is gone? the friend. friends stick by you no matter what.
thats what i thought we were. you have said it so many times, but honestly, how many of those times did you actually mean?
i give up on us..