rant like you mean it
people irritate me so much. and i irritate myself quite a bit too with my inability to just get my shit together and accomplish things i want to. but when i look at it i'm at least proud that i can take care of myself. like i am walking home with ash today and she's like... "i've been thinking about getting back together with sean." the first thing that went through my head was I DON'T CARE! she uses him nonstop and drags him along, there is absolutely no spark or romance-they are NOT in love, they are in love with the idea of being in love or having someone there. and let's think about how many times she's considered and re-considered her relationship or lack thereof with sean. it's not news anymore, it's just a pain in my ass to hear about it. and then she proceeded to talk about how she "just needed time to think about things." like WHAT?! how you can't take care of yourself so you might as well re-establish the title so you don't have to pseudo feel bad for the way you treat him? or were you thinking about what an idiot you are for not seeing how amazing of a person he is? because i sure as hell know you weren't doing any growing, maturing...or cleaning for that matter. i'm pretty sure you spent that time "thinking" sleeping. because not only have you spent two out of the last three days sleeping past noon but you also managed to miss every single one of your classes also. that's impressive. the truth of the matter is if you don't have someone like sean around, you wouldn't know what to do with yourself. AAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!
so stop, let's re-evaluate. for one, i do need to get my own shit together, if that requires shutting out the world then so be it but i'm so anxious and uptight constantly because i can't even deal with daily things like i need to...but on the other hand...let's think about the ashlee situation in a different light:
maybe the way ashlee lives her life is not the way i choose to live mine. i don't understand it and don't agree with it. but really, what impact does it have on me? a lot when it comes to the cleanliness of our house because it stresses me out to no end. other than that, i should careless what she does in her personal life. i don't need to judge her decisions or lack of rationality because nothing she does will have any overwhelming effect on my life. my judgments are just based on the irritation of seeing people act so ridiculous. but let's think about it, i don't really need to waste so much negative energy-or energy at all-on something that has little to no bearing on my life. if ash wants to live like a nasty pig and treat sean like shit, i can't control that. not only can i not control that, i don't need to care either. because it's not my life and it's not something i need to be angry about. i can't eliminate her emotional problems or solve her life for her; only she can do that. and i can't make sean realize what he's missing out on and see that normal people DON'T act like ashlee; only he can do that. in reality, i'm happy and i'm at peace with how my relationships work. what people do with theirs is their business. and who am i to care what classes she goes to? i don't need to be jealous that she gets eight times as much sleep as every other normal college student including me, i can be happy that i'm doing something productive. all in all, i'm aware that i am quick to judge her because i think her thought processes are really fucked up but taking a step back i am able to realize that if nothing else i can just be thankful that i'm not like that. thankful that i don't have to suffer for her poor decision making. so i need to let myself stop mentally suffering over that.
i can just be happy that i'm me.
so stop, let's re-evaluate. for one, i do need to get my own shit together, if that requires shutting out the world then so be it but i'm so anxious and uptight constantly because i can't even deal with daily things like i need to...but on the other hand...let's think about the ashlee situation in a different light:
maybe the way ashlee lives her life is not the way i choose to live mine. i don't understand it and don't agree with it. but really, what impact does it have on me? a lot when it comes to the cleanliness of our house because it stresses me out to no end. other than that, i should careless what she does in her personal life. i don't need to judge her decisions or lack of rationality because nothing she does will have any overwhelming effect on my life. my judgments are just based on the irritation of seeing people act so ridiculous. but let's think about it, i don't really need to waste so much negative energy-or energy at all-on something that has little to no bearing on my life. if ash wants to live like a nasty pig and treat sean like shit, i can't control that. not only can i not control that, i don't need to care either. because it's not my life and it's not something i need to be angry about. i can't eliminate her emotional problems or solve her life for her; only she can do that. and i can't make sean realize what he's missing out on and see that normal people DON'T act like ashlee; only he can do that. in reality, i'm happy and i'm at peace with how my relationships work. what people do with theirs is their business. and who am i to care what classes she goes to? i don't need to be jealous that she gets eight times as much sleep as every other normal college student including me, i can be happy that i'm doing something productive. all in all, i'm aware that i am quick to judge her because i think her thought processes are really fucked up but taking a step back i am able to realize that if nothing else i can just be thankful that i'm not like that. thankful that i don't have to suffer for her poor decision making. so i need to let myself stop mentally suffering over that.
i can just be happy that i'm me.