In due time.
I owe you a 1 year Aurelia post, but you'll just have to wait on that. ::smile:: Instead, I'm just going to ramble.
Nick is beginning to look for jobs and we have to come to the understanding and agreement on where those jobs might be. You know, being an adult means I have all these responsibilities, but honestly - the biggest and most important one is my family. It doesn't matter where we go, as long as we go together. I don't need a big house, or crazy dug-in roots; I need the people I love around me. I guess that's part truth and part utter bullshit. I like feeling secure, but maybe my idea of secure needs a tweak. So, move to another city? Another state? Miss my friends and family? Stay or go? Will this lead to just another thing on the list of resentments? Will I relapse into the super crazy version of me? Or will forcing myself to "shake it up", equal a step forward into a better me? Shit, who knows. I can see it being new and exciting and invigorating, and also a complete and utter disaster. I am scared shitless. But I think it's good to be scared. Seriously, tomorrow I'll read this and think I was on some kind of pill. Security, comfort, routine. These things make me feel normal. But it's control. I just want control. And maybe I should just stop. I cannot control everything, I can only place my best foot forward and hope that I don't place it in quicksand. It would be better if it was Nes-quick-sand. Delicious. You know, I used to re-arrange my bedroom all the time. It felt like every few months I would look around my room and think, "Something has to change." It was my sole space to make my own. Now, I look around my house and worry I'm not "Homes and Garden" enough. I need picture collage ideas from Pinterest! Seriously, I should unsubcribe from that imaginary world right now and hang every picture I have, in all their non-matching colored frame glory. Who gives a shit, really! Who gives a shit?! So, let's get to the point. My bedroom is my life, it is my space to make my own, and right now - it feels like something has to change.
the end?
Nick is beginning to look for jobs and we have to come to the understanding and agreement on where those jobs might be. You know, being an adult means I have all these responsibilities, but honestly - the biggest and most important one is my family. It doesn't matter where we go, as long as we go together. I don't need a big house, or crazy dug-in roots; I need the people I love around me. I guess that's part truth and part utter bullshit. I like feeling secure, but maybe my idea of secure needs a tweak. So, move to another city? Another state? Miss my friends and family? Stay or go? Will this lead to just another thing on the list of resentments? Will I relapse into the super crazy version of me? Or will forcing myself to "shake it up", equal a step forward into a better me? Shit, who knows. I can see it being new and exciting and invigorating, and also a complete and utter disaster. I am scared shitless. But I think it's good to be scared. Seriously, tomorrow I'll read this and think I was on some kind of pill. Security, comfort, routine. These things make me feel normal. But it's control. I just want control. And maybe I should just stop. I cannot control everything, I can only place my best foot forward and hope that I don't place it in quicksand. It would be better if it was Nes-quick-sand. Delicious. You know, I used to re-arrange my bedroom all the time. It felt like every few months I would look around my room and think, "Something has to change." It was my sole space to make my own. Now, I look around my house and worry I'm not "Homes and Garden" enough. I need picture collage ideas from Pinterest! Seriously, I should unsubcribe from that imaginary world right now and hang every picture I have, in all their non-matching colored frame glory. Who gives a shit, really! Who gives a shit?! So, let's get to the point. My bedroom is my life, it is my space to make my own, and right now - it feels like something has to change.
the end?