There's beauty in the breakdown
Nothing has the power to calm me down like that song. I just put in on repeat, and lay in my bed, and forget that the world sucks right now.
I don't have a right to feel this bad about life. I really don't.
I need a vacation. I need to get away from people. I think that might be my problem. I just need a break from things. From school. From my friends. From the stupidity of high school and gossip and misunderstandings and jealously and unrequited emotions and restlessness and everything.
I get restless like this about twice a year. This feeling has been the cause of things like me taking up badminton, cutting my hair, and applying to Brown for the summer, just to name some. I've always had a solution to this problem. There's always been some sort of change or risk I could take that excites me again and makes me forget how much school and everything else suck. But I don't feel like some random change in my life will do much.
I need something. There's something that I'm missing that's making me feel this way. I'm not sure what it is, though. I'm not even that sure I know what I'm feeling. I can't really describe what it is I feel, but it's a general feeling in me that I can physically feel,which is rare for me. I feel in me that something is wrong. And it hangs over me, like it needs attention because I'm not doing anything about it. But I don't know what to do about it, because I'm still not exactly sure what's the root of the problem.
Misery loves company. I think part of the reason I feel like shit is because everyone around me feels equally shitty. I'm sensitive to other peoples' emotions, so when so many people I know feel like shit, it's hard not to fall into the trap. Same goes for when they all feel happy.
As far as I know, everyone is in a shitty mood as of late. Everyone. Everyone is complaining about everyone and saying stupid shit and doing crap and it's all just crazy.
Looking at all this, I can't help but think, "So this is why it sucks to be a teenager."
I don't have a right to feel this bad about life. I really don't.
I need a vacation. I need to get away from people. I think that might be my problem. I just need a break from things. From school. From my friends. From the stupidity of high school and gossip and misunderstandings and jealously and unrequited emotions and restlessness and everything.
I get restless like this about twice a year. This feeling has been the cause of things like me taking up badminton, cutting my hair, and applying to Brown for the summer, just to name some. I've always had a solution to this problem. There's always been some sort of change or risk I could take that excites me again and makes me forget how much school and everything else suck. But I don't feel like some random change in my life will do much.
I need something. There's something that I'm missing that's making me feel this way. I'm not sure what it is, though. I'm not even that sure I know what I'm feeling. I can't really describe what it is I feel, but it's a general feeling in me that I can physically feel,which is rare for me. I feel in me that something is wrong. And it hangs over me, like it needs attention because I'm not doing anything about it. But I don't know what to do about it, because I'm still not exactly sure what's the root of the problem.
Misery loves company. I think part of the reason I feel like shit is because everyone around me feels equally shitty. I'm sensitive to other peoples' emotions, so when so many people I know feel like shit, it's hard not to fall into the trap. Same goes for when they all feel happy.
As far as I know, everyone is in a shitty mood as of late. Everyone. Everyone is complaining about everyone and saying stupid shit and doing crap and it's all just crazy.
Looking at all this, I can't help but think, "So this is why it sucks to be a teenager."