Slap in the face
I haven't written about how I feel and what's going on in a long, long time.
Right now, I feel like I'm a messy. As per usual, it's always writing about the things that aren't going so great. Who wants to write when they're happy. Right?
I'm stressed out with school. These semester has just started and I already feel as though I am not going to be able to handle it. I just want to be done so much that I don't have the motivation to keep going. I am so burnt out. Everyday I just wish for a vacation where I don't have anything to do. I'm continuously starting things and not finishing just because I start something else and never get back to it. It's a big cycle and just continues to go round and round. I'm just really tired of it.
I am really passionate about teaching. And I know it's what I want to do. But I cannot help feeling envious of those people that go to work and when they come home, they're not bringing their work home with them. I will never be able to just leave work at work. And yes, I am the one who chose this. I am the one that wanted to be a teacher, despite the work I knew that would go into it. But, still. I wonder if there will be a time when I am truly just calm and not overwhelmed. I yearn so badly for that day. I'm well over exhaustion and on the brink of mental insanity.
So there's that. The usual stressor in my life. The one that's always there playing a part, whether it be the foreground or background. But then there's just a lifey situation that I can't help getting worked up about. Though I wish I could shrug it off or that it would just roll of my shoulders, it's staying put. Pushing downward with too much pressure.
I am completely puzzled that one can go out with someone- multiple times- and not know that they were lying straight to your face about the thing they promised you they didn't do. My insides are all twisted inside and I can't so much make sense of the situation or get myself to even think straight. I sit here trying to do homework, yet my mind is far too occupied with this. I am okay. I suppose. I just am confused. And angry. And hurt.
I want to take the rest of the day and just sleep. Crawl into a whole and just sleep and let my brain shut off. Let the thoughts be pushed aside. Do I do this and take the day off tomorrow? No doubt, regretting the decision when all work is saved for tomorrow. Or do I refrain from being a pussy and trudge on with that lengthy to-do list?
Decisions, decisions.
Right now, I feel like I'm a messy. As per usual, it's always writing about the things that aren't going so great. Who wants to write when they're happy. Right?
I'm stressed out with school. These semester has just started and I already feel as though I am not going to be able to handle it. I just want to be done so much that I don't have the motivation to keep going. I am so burnt out. Everyday I just wish for a vacation where I don't have anything to do. I'm continuously starting things and not finishing just because I start something else and never get back to it. It's a big cycle and just continues to go round and round. I'm just really tired of it.
I am really passionate about teaching. And I know it's what I want to do. But I cannot help feeling envious of those people that go to work and when they come home, they're not bringing their work home with them. I will never be able to just leave work at work. And yes, I am the one who chose this. I am the one that wanted to be a teacher, despite the work I knew that would go into it. But, still. I wonder if there will be a time when I am truly just calm and not overwhelmed. I yearn so badly for that day. I'm well over exhaustion and on the brink of mental insanity.
So there's that. The usual stressor in my life. The one that's always there playing a part, whether it be the foreground or background. But then there's just a lifey situation that I can't help getting worked up about. Though I wish I could shrug it off or that it would just roll of my shoulders, it's staying put. Pushing downward with too much pressure.
I am completely puzzled that one can go out with someone- multiple times- and not know that they were lying straight to your face about the thing they promised you they didn't do. My insides are all twisted inside and I can't so much make sense of the situation or get myself to even think straight. I sit here trying to do homework, yet my mind is far too occupied with this. I am okay. I suppose. I just am confused. And angry. And hurt.
I want to take the rest of the day and just sleep. Crawl into a whole and just sleep and let my brain shut off. Let the thoughts be pushed aside. Do I do this and take the day off tomorrow? No doubt, regretting the decision when all work is saved for tomorrow. Or do I refrain from being a pussy and trudge on with that lengthy to-do list?
Decisions, decisions.