relax, turn around and take my hand...
FIRSTS
First best friend: trish smith, fourth grade...that was my acutally first REAL best friend...
First car: i dont have one yet. i drive my dads stratus around sometimes, but that dont count.
First real kiss: some cowboy in eigth grade when i lived in texas.
First break-up: um....i dont know.
First screen name: jzzy134....wow...how ancient.
First self purchased album: it was probably my no doubt cd and janet jackson cd at the same time...
First pets: doggie dexter
First piercing/tattoo: standard piercings in the ears...thats all for now...soon tho, ill be getting a little more creative.
First credit card: none...and never...
First true love: goonie
First enemy: enemy? i wouldnt really know...
First big trip: i dont know....ive been on trips since i was born.
First music you remember hearing in your house: good ol' jazz
Last car ride: coming home a few hours ago from going out to eat with family who are here to visit me for my graduation.
Last kiss: when i was sitting in the car with michael on tuesday. i wasnt feeling good at all so he kissed me...
Last good cry: probably when michael and i were having problems and i told him he made me feel stupid and he said that if he makes me feel stupid, maybe we shouldnt be together and he got up and walked away...i sat there and cried, even after he came back and held me and apologized and told me not to cry.
Last library book checked out: some book on what my senior paper was about. i still havent returned that...it was due fourtwenty....and ive STILL got it...hahaha....
Last movie seen: i dont remember.
Last beverage drank: water while i was at raferty's...
Last food consumed: garlic mashed potatoes and prime rib...
Last crush: i still dont get the crush thing...i guess its michael, huh?
Last phone call: my michael...
Last time showered: earlier this morning before i went to elisha's to get a dress/skirt for underneath my gown at graduation tomorrow....
Last shoes worn: the ones ive got on.
Last item bought: im not at liberty to say...
Last annoyance: my brother hovering over me while i was looking through a photo album my mom put together for me...i was all emotional with it and my brother's hovering about gave me an anxiety attack. thats really fucking annoying.
Last time wanting to die: thats such a great thing to think about...well, it was probably some time yesterday...i was really depressed....then i remember being fine after i talked to michael, and today ive just been giddy with all the excitement at my house....with me graduating and odd family members in one place at the same time and all...
Last time scolded: i dont know...usually when im being scolded, my mind is somewhere else, so i dont remember....
im really into tool right now...it was apc before *still is* but tool more so now than before...i think im just in love with maynard. its alright tho cuz michael loves maynard too...thats probably why i do.
ever song that ive asked people to send me reminds me of michael...i can hear his voice in my head when i hear these songs.
i used to only carry around the memories from freshman and sophomore years, but ive got new ones now...ive got these fresh memories that make me just MELT and stuff...i need to show him how to feel again, how to LOVE again...just as he's shown me how to be myself again and how to be alright again. hes shown me so much.
i know i talk about michael alot, but i really do love him. and i need him.
tomorrow i have grad practice at nine till eleven. then im taking my mom and her fag to the water falls. we'll probably be back around four so i can shower and pretty up for grad. i hafta be there at six fifteen and it starts at seven. so, today, i cleaned a bunch of more shit, i went to see elisha for about an hour and a half and to borrow a dress/skirt cuz the one i borrowed before wont do. we're not allowed to have skirts with slits and that one does...so i got a couple from elisha. then my mom, sean, and jimi showed up, followed by my father coming home from work, and then my grandparents from florida. we all went out to eat. mom gave me a photo album she put together. it had a bunch of old pics from when it was just the three of us...mom, dad, and me....when we were a family...it was very emotional. she also gave me a bag of pictures and such that belong to my dad. i see this as my mom doing as ive done so many times....clearning out old memories. she'll be alright one day. one day she'll find her real, true self again as well...
im graduating tomorrow...how strange.