Holiday venting!
I haven't updated my journal for a while because my life's been kind of 'meh' lately. The holidays are just about here and work is slow. I had about six customers yesterday, seven today, and I'm bored to death. Which I guess is a good thing, because watching internet tv is far better than dealing with floods, fire alarms, and loud partying guests. So in this downtime, I'd like to take this opportunity to remind my customers of a few things:
-There's a shower in your room, complete with free soap. I suggest you use it.
-When you ask for a single and I say "Okay, I have a queen room or a king room for $59.99 plus tax," don't say "I'll take it." Which one, damn it?!
-Don't get huffy if you call for a reservation and I ask you to spell your last name when it's something like Kowalczyk or Gottesfreund. How the hell would I know how to spell that?
-If you ask "Is that the best you can do?" even without a snotty tone, the answer will always be "Yes." Something about that question just rubs me the wrong way. There are politer ways to ask for a discount.
-I'm not lying to you, I swear. There's nobody by that name staying here. Don't ask me the same question in three different ways and then demand to speak to my manager. You're just making yourself look stupid and wasting my time.
-$60 is not fucking expensive.
-When I make a reservation for you and I ask for your credit card number, the correct answer is not "No. I'm driving." Have you never stayed in a hotel before? I need your credit card to hold the room, because you might not show up and then we will lose money, because we could have sold it otherwise. And then I will get in trouble, so give it to me or fuck off. Also, hang up your phone before you cause a wreck.
-Sorry, no, I can't guarantee you a room that no pet has ever stayed in because people are assholes and sneak them in. I hope you have Benadryl.
-Cover your fucking mouth when you cough, you germ-infested douchebag.
-If you are staying here for a month, you do not need new towels every. damn. day. Thanks for wasting water and killing the environment.
-Also, what the hell are all these brown stains on the towels? You're a slob.
-Stop stealing the TV remotes, you cheap bastards.
-It's not cold, you silly Californians. 40 degrees is practically tropical for this time of year. Your shivering amuses me. (This is written most tongue-in-cheek because I like to poke fun at my San Diego-born manager who bundles up every time he goes outside while I come to work without even a sweater.)
-You are not superior to me. Can you at least acknowledge me when I talk to you?
-If you tell me you have two people in your room and you actually have seven, trust me, I will find out.
-"Would you like one key or two?" is not a life-or-death decision and should not provoke five minutes of pondering. Really, I'll give you another key if you lose one.
For a round of Customer Weirdness, the other evening at about 8:30 a guest came down to my desk and we had this little chat:
Dude: "I'm ordering pizza, what kind do you want?"
Me: "Oh, no thanks, I actually just ate my dinner."
Dude: "Really, I want to buy you some pizza."
Me: "Thanks, but-"
Dude: What kind?
So I just told him "Uh... pepperoni?" because otherwise he might climb over the counter and try to force-feed me.
I'm trying to have holiday spirit, but ugh... people are just draining me.