Venustraphobia: the...weird...killer
I've actually been having a pretty good week. Fresh off PAXEast, the warm weather has been revitalizing me, and Easter with the family was a lot of fun.
But my introspection has led me to another...interesting...personality flaw.
My last post talked about me being intimidated by cute girls. Yeah, it's a problem, but I'm rapidly realizing I had failed to take in the scope of the issue. I'm not just intimidated by them, I'm terrified of them. I was watching Game of Thrones last night and I saw a completely random shot of the new Queen of King's Landing's butt. Yeah, it seems way out of context but it wasn't her butt that was notable, it was my reactionto seeing it, which was an impulse of shame.
That's right, looking at a medium to nice derriere makes me hate myself. I mentally shy away and fight any desire I have for the woman attached to it. That was when I realized just how bad things have gotten in my head.
It's not as if I haven't had girlfriends, or girls attracted to me, or gotten handsy with a willing girl, but somewhere along the line defeat with the opposite sex turned into futility, and then futility turned into my thinking there was something very wrong with me. Eventually I gave up, and now I don't even want to hope because incessant failure is just too painful.
So how does a person rid themselves of the fear of beautiful (or even pretty) women? Venustraphobia (I looked it up) has a surprising number of treatment options. The two that I can do right now are taking action that will boost self-esteem, and exposure therapy. Getting a job will help with my self-esteem, but...
...how exactly do I go about surrounding myself with beautiful women?
But my introspection has led me to another...interesting...personality flaw.
My last post talked about me being intimidated by cute girls. Yeah, it's a problem, but I'm rapidly realizing I had failed to take in the scope of the issue. I'm not just intimidated by them, I'm terrified of them. I was watching Game of Thrones last night and I saw a completely random shot of the new Queen of King's Landing's butt. Yeah, it seems way out of context but it wasn't her butt that was notable, it was my reactionto seeing it, which was an impulse of shame.
That's right, looking at a medium to nice derriere makes me hate myself. I mentally shy away and fight any desire I have for the woman attached to it. That was when I realized just how bad things have gotten in my head.
It's not as if I haven't had girlfriends, or girls attracted to me, or gotten handsy with a willing girl, but somewhere along the line defeat with the opposite sex turned into futility, and then futility turned into my thinking there was something very wrong with me. Eventually I gave up, and now I don't even want to hope because incessant failure is just too painful.
So how does a person rid themselves of the fear of beautiful (or even pretty) women? Venustraphobia (I looked it up) has a surprising number of treatment options. The two that I can do right now are taking action that will boost self-esteem, and exposure therapy. Getting a job will help with my self-esteem, but...
...how exactly do I go about surrounding myself with beautiful women?