So alone
I was on my way home tonight when I had this overwhelming feeling of loneliness. It was the same feeling I got on Sunday after I came back from New York, just the overwhelming feeling of...being unloved. It scares me, like I'll never be happy.
A few weeks ago I was sick in bed. Really sick. I was coughing and miserable and just felt like crap. Then I started coughing in the bathroom. Hard. Just three quick coughs, a pause for like 5 minutes, and then three more. Each time it wracked my body and hurt by back. After a half-hour I was nearly crying.
Eventually I literally couldn't get out of bed, it was just too excruciating to move. I have *never* felt so helpless in my life, and I had this horrible vision of what my life would be like when I got old, just the lonely man who had no one to keep him company. GOD it was so depressing. Probably the lowest I've felt in a long, long time.
So many of my friends have drifted away, and it seems like it's impossible to reconnect with them. Is it ego? Feeling like I don't need friends? Or just that I *want* to feel like I don't need anyone?
How did my life get this sad?
A few weeks ago I was sick in bed. Really sick. I was coughing and miserable and just felt like crap. Then I started coughing in the bathroom. Hard. Just three quick coughs, a pause for like 5 minutes, and then three more. Each time it wracked my body and hurt by back. After a half-hour I was nearly crying.
Eventually I literally couldn't get out of bed, it was just too excruciating to move. I have *never* felt so helpless in my life, and I had this horrible vision of what my life would be like when I got old, just the lonely man who had no one to keep him company. GOD it was so depressing. Probably the lowest I've felt in a long, long time.
So many of my friends have drifted away, and it seems like it's impossible to reconnect with them. Is it ego? Feeling like I don't need friends? Or just that I *want* to feel like I don't need anyone?
How did my life get this sad?