Moving on with the rest of your life starts with Goodbye...
So I think last time I wrote I talked about how I broke up with Cortney... techincally. I told him that I didn't want to be exclusive but that my feelings for him haven't changed and that I didn't want things to change between us. I still considered us dating, just not exclusively, and as much as you can date someone that's 1000 miles away and soon to be shipped off to Iraq fr six months.
Well, it was great to see him when I went home a week and a half ago for my birthday. Things were great between us, maybe a little awkward in the beginning but not for long. We went to Hollywood where, apparently, we had reservations at a really nice restaurant, but because of the insane traffic that is Hollywood at 5:30 on a Friday night, we missed them. We could have still gone but then would have missed the second part of the night, which I'll get to shortly. So instead of a 4 star dinner we had In-N-Out. Hey, it was great for me. When you live in Idaho ou don't get to have In-N-Out so I was thrilled. After eating we headed off to my present. I still didn't know what it was. Well, as we parked somewhere around the orner from the Pantages, Cortney pulled some tickets out from his pocket. Ladies and gents, he took me to see WICKED. Yea. I know. I was ecstatic. He's known since Christmas that I would die to see Wicked and he swore time and time again that he would never see it. Also, he gave me clues that I found out were all lies so that I wouldn't guess it and be surprised. Good job, cuz it worked. The show was amazing and everything I hoped it would be!!
The night as a whole was great. The weekend was great. Saturday night I had a party with a few friends at my place and Sunday I just hung out with my family. Monday morning I flew back to Idaho and Tuesday was my actual birthday. I'm 21 and that's weird. Anywho...
I found out a couple nights ago that things weren't fine between Cortney and me. He thought that when I told him I didn't want to be excluive that I was done and that I only wanted to be friends. I don't know how he got that even after I said that I didn't want things to change between us and it didn't change the way I felt about him. So he's done. He's been done since I broke up with him and here I've been for almost three weeks thinking everything was fine. That was a horrible little surprise. I found out also that, because of an issue he has, that he really didn't see it going anywhere. It would have been nice for him to have said that a month and a half ago when he realized that. He would have saved me a lot of pain and heartache. So now, here I am,trying to get over him. I don't know how to. He's the first guy I've really dated in five years. I don't know how to get over someone. It hurts and it sucks. He was the person I called when anything happened, good or bad. He was the person I spent my nights on the phone with and I can't do that anymore... one reason because he doesn't want to talk to me, and another reason is even if I needed to talk to him I couldn't because I don't have his number anymore. It's out of my phone, he's out of my life. I know it's better because I don't have to wonder about certain things and whether or not he'll make certain changes because he basically told me he's not going to. He doesn't want to and he won't even think about it changing. So I know it's better that it happened now, that I figured it out now, and that I broke up with him when I did. Had I waited until a few months from now, or had I not brought up the conversation we had Sunday night, I would have gone on thinking things were fine between us and the heartached would have been that much harder to deal with. It's just so hard to say bye to someone you love, not because the two of you aren't compatible or things are wrong with the relationship, but because one person doesn't have the same values as you and isn't willing to reconsider their actions. He was a huge part of my life for over four months. He was the first man I could actually, literally see myself with. I love(d) him. I wanted so badly for it work out.
Obviously I'm not good enough to make him want to change. And, sadly, because of that, he's not good enough for me. It hurts and it sucks so much and even though I know it's for the better. At least now I can look t the future and move on. He's gone and there's nothing I can do about it. He's 27 and old enough to make his own decisions. If he doesn't want me to be a part of it so be it. If that's the case I don't want him to be a part of my life either...
Well, it was great to see him when I went home a week and a half ago for my birthday. Things were great between us, maybe a little awkward in the beginning but not for long. We went to Hollywood where, apparently, we had reservations at a really nice restaurant, but because of the insane traffic that is Hollywood at 5:30 on a Friday night, we missed them. We could have still gone but then would have missed the second part of the night, which I'll get to shortly. So instead of a 4 star dinner we had In-N-Out. Hey, it was great for me. When you live in Idaho ou don't get to have In-N-Out so I was thrilled. After eating we headed off to my present. I still didn't know what it was. Well, as we parked somewhere around the orner from the Pantages, Cortney pulled some tickets out from his pocket. Ladies and gents, he took me to see WICKED. Yea. I know. I was ecstatic. He's known since Christmas that I would die to see Wicked and he swore time and time again that he would never see it. Also, he gave me clues that I found out were all lies so that I wouldn't guess it and be surprised. Good job, cuz it worked. The show was amazing and everything I hoped it would be!!
The night as a whole was great. The weekend was great. Saturday night I had a party with a few friends at my place and Sunday I just hung out with my family. Monday morning I flew back to Idaho and Tuesday was my actual birthday. I'm 21 and that's weird. Anywho...
I found out a couple nights ago that things weren't fine between Cortney and me. He thought that when I told him I didn't want to be excluive that I was done and that I only wanted to be friends. I don't know how he got that even after I said that I didn't want things to change between us and it didn't change the way I felt about him. So he's done. He's been done since I broke up with him and here I've been for almost three weeks thinking everything was fine. That was a horrible little surprise. I found out also that, because of an issue he has, that he really didn't see it going anywhere. It would have been nice for him to have said that a month and a half ago when he realized that. He would have saved me a lot of pain and heartache. So now, here I am,trying to get over him. I don't know how to. He's the first guy I've really dated in five years. I don't know how to get over someone. It hurts and it sucks. He was the person I called when anything happened, good or bad. He was the person I spent my nights on the phone with and I can't do that anymore... one reason because he doesn't want to talk to me, and another reason is even if I needed to talk to him I couldn't because I don't have his number anymore. It's out of my phone, he's out of my life. I know it's better because I don't have to wonder about certain things and whether or not he'll make certain changes because he basically told me he's not going to. He doesn't want to and he won't even think about it changing. So I know it's better that it happened now, that I figured it out now, and that I broke up with him when I did. Had I waited until a few months from now, or had I not brought up the conversation we had Sunday night, I would have gone on thinking things were fine between us and the heartached would have been that much harder to deal with. It's just so hard to say bye to someone you love, not because the two of you aren't compatible or things are wrong with the relationship, but because one person doesn't have the same values as you and isn't willing to reconsider their actions. He was a huge part of my life for over four months. He was the first man I could actually, literally see myself with. I love(d) him. I wanted so badly for it work out.
Obviously I'm not good enough to make him want to change. And, sadly, because of that, he's not good enough for me. It hurts and it sucks so much and even though I know it's for the better. At least now I can look t the future and move on. He's gone and there's nothing I can do about it. He's 27 and old enough to make his own decisions. If he doesn't want me to be a part of it so be it. If that's the case I don't want him to be a part of my life either...