On the edge of window sill
Blah... well, I think I had made it since late Wednesday night without crying. That wonderful streak ended as soon as I hung up the phone with her. It was the first time we had actually spoken (non IM) since MLK day when she broke the news.
It was an awkward conversation. But I didn't want it to end. I so much had missed her voice, her understanding. I miss everything about her and that was as close as we've been since that day.
There has been such a void in my life without her in it, both on a day-to-day basis and spiritually, emotionally. I wish things could have been different. I wish I could control how I feel. I wish things would work out for once.
But none of that is realistically possible.
I need some sort of new start. I need some inspiration. I need something to dull the pain of the void that has been left. But I have no ideas. I have no motivation. I have no real hope.
I hate that this is hurting her too. I hate that I can't take that pain away. I hate that I am responsible for that pain.
Nothing I can do right now is the right thing. Or a good thing. All I can do is pick (guess) between lesser evils. That's what I have to get by on?
I wish I could give up. Or give in. Just go and say "Hey, I need some happy pills and LOTS of 'em" and get by that way.
I mean is that really any worse than just lying to yourself?
It was an awkward conversation. But I didn't want it to end. I so much had missed her voice, her understanding. I miss everything about her and that was as close as we've been since that day.
There has been such a void in my life without her in it, both on a day-to-day basis and spiritually, emotionally. I wish things could have been different. I wish I could control how I feel. I wish things would work out for once.
But none of that is realistically possible.
I need some sort of new start. I need some inspiration. I need something to dull the pain of the void that has been left. But I have no ideas. I have no motivation. I have no real hope.
I hate that this is hurting her too. I hate that I can't take that pain away. I hate that I am responsible for that pain.
Nothing I can do right now is the right thing. Or a good thing. All I can do is pick (guess) between lesser evils. That's what I have to get by on?
I wish I could give up. Or give in. Just go and say "Hey, I need some happy pills and LOTS of 'em" and get by that way.
I mean is that really any worse than just lying to yourself?