Can someone stop my brain... I wanna get off
Well... my brain has been going into overdrive in the last 24 hours. Watching Master Fire-Soul with His rina and spending time with Master Keiran makes me realize how very much i need a Master. It hurts so much to think about the fact that Master is gone and i have no idea when He will be returning. i'm getting restless and i don't completely understand why. i know that He will be returning... the question remains... when... and for how long? i know that the things going on in His reality are so extreme that i can't expect Him to be thinking of me right now... but i think about Him. Every time i step into the Home and He isn't there i think about Him... every time i speak with Master Fire-Soul or Master Keiran... or any Master for that matter a twinge of guilt snaps me into the reality that i have no idea when my Owner may return to me.
How long can an owned girl remain Ownerless... Master Fire-Soul has been wonderful... He has been more than i thought He would be able to be with a girl of His own... but still... He is not my Master... i cannot come into the Home and retreat to Him.. curl up into His arms and whisper... welcome Home my Master. i long so desperately for that again that i can taste it. The steel around my throat has become a reminder of what once was... of what may never be again... and then there's the guilt for being selfish enough to want Him here when He has things that He must deal with in rl. i know i'll work through this in time... but for now i'm reeling... spinning deeper into my own selfish desires and thoughts... waiting... yearning...
How long can an owned girl remain Ownerless... Master Fire-Soul has been wonderful... He has been more than i thought He would be able to be with a girl of His own... but still... He is not my Master... i cannot come into the Home and retreat to Him.. curl up into His arms and whisper... welcome Home my Master. i long so desperately for that again that i can taste it. The steel around my throat has become a reminder of what once was... of what may never be again... and then there's the guilt for being selfish enough to want Him here when He has things that He must deal with in rl. i know i'll work through this in time... but for now i'm reeling... spinning deeper into my own selfish desires and thoughts... waiting... yearning...