Strangers (can't be friends)
Title: Strangers (can't be friends)
Author: Shycapri8
Length: Oneshot
Pairing(s): Jaechun (Jaejoong/Yoochun)
Genre: angst? One-sided(?) romance
Rating: R
Summary: If he had known things would've turned out as they did, he would've never even kissed him; that kiss marking the beginning of falling in love and there's just no taking things back. But, he can't stay friends with him. So they should remain strangers.
A/n: Inspiration from trey songz 'can't be friends'. I love that song. If you like, you can listen to that song while reading ^^ oh and if you do choose to listen while reading, make sure to put the volume on the computer low since there is no volume control on the embedded player.
And the lyrics are the small italicized words
Disclaimer: characters and song lyrics are not mine.
Request: does anyone want to be my beta? please?
And I wish we never did it.
And I wish we never loved it.
And I wish I never felt so deep in love with you
And now it ain't no way
We can be friends.
He was his best friend. They always hung out together. So when did all of this come about? How did things end up this way? He couldn't put his finger on it.
Or maybe he refused to acknowledge the first time he'd actually looked at his friend in a different perspective; a different light that had his heart beat erratically just by the slightest sight of him. But, he tried to dispel those thoughts. He tried to repress those feelings that were fighting to come to surface. Things were fine as they were.
So why did it all have to change? He didn't want it to change if it meant this as the overall outcome of the events that had transpired; the emotions that had came into collision with each other, leaving nothing left, but the broken remnants of what used to be and could've been: their relationship.
________
Now I'm sitting here going half crazy...
It's as if a perpetual burning was created in his chest. A taunting migraine, pulsating against his skull as his mind became bombarded with scenes of their touches and engagements of intimate moments they shared together; moments he thought they both felt the same about.
It drove- is still driving him mad, having to look at the other and have to constantly battle his inner self just to keep from going out of his way, to prove to the other that they could be more. To prove that they wouldn't be investing into something that wasn't worth anything to begin with. But, that was what the other felt. And he recalls every thing- every word the other had said to him. Those words were still lingering; left behind to continuously eat at him, to remind him of what just can't be.
But, then why is it- why is there a small part- just a small part of him that feels the other is longing as much as he is. Even if it's just by a little. Even if it's a small part of him that feels this way. It's enough to go by on, but it's more than enough to put him through more pain as well.
And he remembers. That conversation they had before everything had seemed to come to a downward spiral for the both of them.
'Just what are we Jae?' He had mustered up the courage to ask that question. He had been meaning to ask for quite some time, ever since the two had started whatever it was-he didn't know what to call this thing they had between them. And so curiosity got the best of him. But, who would've thought the answer he recieved would have scorched him opposed to actually quenching that curiosity, leaving more of an insatiable thirst for the other.
'We're friends Chunnie, what else?' The auburn haired male responded softly, running his fingers through the black locks of the younger male, managing to get some strands from blocking the other's eyes. He didn't know the other was trying his best to conceal the hurt that overtook him, but the tears that threatened to drop proved the younger male's attempt failed. 'Chunnie...I-'
'No Jaejoong', Yoochun didn't want to hear any sort of explanation. He didn't want to see the pity the other must've held in those apologetic orbs. 'I didn't know you still saw us that way. And here I thought-', Yoochun pulled from Jaejoong's reaching arm. He wasn't in the mood for consolation. Not this way. There was just no way in gaining comfort from the same person who was blatantly rejecting his evolving feelings; feelings he obviously had no control over. 'Maybe you felt something different. Now I see I was wrong', He reached for his clothes, purposely avoiding having any visual contact with the other, for fear of breaking down in front of him. For fear of making a more fool of himself. He had managed to put his clothes on, even if it was a bit haste despite his attempts to appear the least bit of calm. But, his actions showed far from it. And as his hand reached for the knob, he felt a hand on his shoulder and an arm encircle his lower abdomen.
'I love you. You know that, right?' The voice whispered into his ear, resulting in Yoochun's body tensing up for a moment, before resuming in turning the door open.
'Your declaration of love just isn't the same as what I feel since your love is for that of a friend', He gained nerve to turn to Jaejoong who had nothing, but a sullen expression. 'And that, I can't be.'
That was all that was said as the door clicked silently behind him.
________
The way it felt,
No faking it.
Maybe we were moving just a little too fast.
But, what we've done,
We can't take it back.
He knew he had began taking a little bit too much of a glance at his friend. It was more like staring at the other for periods of time until it was more than flat out noticeable- what he was doing. He didn't know- was it the broad shoulders, the toned abs or that alluring face? Was it the small waist that would make anyone want to hug him or was it the well defined triceps that made him want to feel what it was like to be held in those arms? The answer eluded him.
For all he knew, it was difficult to come to some type of reasoning when those eyes fell upon his own, catching him in the act.
Oh how he thought he was damned. He stood bolted to his spot by the lockers as the other strode up to him with an inquiring look. The way the other was eying him was posing worry. The way an arm was raised, he thought he was about to get an unwelcoming fist to his cheek. But, for checking the other out? Yeah, that seemed more than enough reason to get punched. A person just doesn't check out their male best friend especially if you're a male yourself.
'So...', The older male leaned forward just enough for the other to hear him. Yoochun let out an unknown breath of relief, seeing that the hand had rested on one of the lockers, to the side of his head. 'I see your wondering...' , His voice ghosted over Yoochun's neck, allowing the younger male to feel the heat that emitted through his pink lips. If the proximity of their bodies- let alone their faces- made Yoochun nervous, then the tickling of the older male's breath just added to it.
'Wo-wondering w-what?', If he could have kicked himself for responding in a stutter, he would had. He could feel the bobbling of his adam's apple; moving up and down in-almost-sync with his heart (which he was by now, pretty sure that his heart was thumping in the pit of his stomach). Jaejoong just smirked, permitting himself to dive his face in more.
'I've been wondering too', He admitted, using his free hand to rest in the crease of Yoochun's hip and waist. 'Maybe we can find out together-if it's hormones or something. I mean if you don't mind', He searched for some form of response or possible signs of objection. But, not receiving anything, yet not getting any negative vibes, he took that as an opening to close in on whatever distance was left between the two.
And as Yoochun allowed it, he couldn't keep himself from thinking that it was anything, but hormones. Right there he knew, from the kiss, he was getting himself into something that may have him in over his head. He also knew he would take that chance, enjoying how those lips felt against his own and how those hands felt on his chest.
The anticipation was building up from the anxiety as those hands traveled down to his lower region, teasingly tugging at the band of his boxers. A hand clasped onto one of his, bringing it to the towel that was loosely tied around that slender waist, with eyes silently pleading for him to remove it. While doing it shakily, he complied to the request, making sure to use every second to take in the sight before him as he felt his boxers being dropped.
Soon after, he found himself withering beneath a panting Jaejoong, assuring him of the pain that would subside and the pleasure that would soon overcome his body as he took one thing into account:
There was definitely no turning back now.
________
And if I knew it'd end like this,
I never would've kissed ya
Cause I fell in love with ya...
He remembers the day after he had ended things with Jaejoong, he had bumped into him on the way home. Or more like, Jaejoong had been following from behind the whole time, calling to gain his attention. Thinking he should stop to hear what the other had to say, that and the fact he had already reached the front door, he turned to the other as he caught his breath. Apparently the other had been running and it would had seemed wrong to close the door in his face. So he waited patiently, snorting to himself at the irony his patience portrayed (how he had waited so long ever since they took that step and crossed that line).
'Yoochun, I had been thinking the same thing. You know, thinking, hey maybe I could do this-we could do this. I was actually considering taking it further than just being friends that screwed around with each other, you know?', Jaejoong held onto Yoochun's hands with both of his. 'But, I just couldn't. Please try to understand. Your friendship means too much to me. I just can't take that kind of step with you; a step that involves emotional attachment to each other, leaving us both open to get hurt and that I can't bring myself to do.' Jaejoong couldn't keep a collected stance as his hands started to tremble. And Yoochun knew the sincerity of Jaejoong's words which made it harder for him to say what he said.
'Can't you see?', His voice caught in his throat. It hurt once to say it, but to say it again was speaking of an indescribable pain he knew would leave a permanent scar. 'You're hurting me by trying to keep me back. I know what I'd be getting myself into and I know what I was getting myself into when we started all of this. I need for you to understand that you are more precious to me than a friend and if you feel otherwise, then I have to respect that. Just like you have to respect that I would much rather not be friends if that means for the pain to fade even if that itself would take a while. Having to remain friends with you would just be torture Jae and I don't think I can take that. I'm sorry', Yoochun slipped his hands out of Jaejoong's grasp, feeling the loss of warmth they held. He turned to place his key into the lock, failing to catch the forlorn look Jaejoong displayed as the latter stepped down from the front steps.
'I don't regret it Chunnie. Not one bit. And even if, come to pass, that your feelings for me have gradually faded, know that I still love you and I still will after time passed. Know that I'm sorry about how you feel and if I'm the cause of all of this, but I don't regret it!' Jaejoong ran his hand through his hair, running out of ideas; out of ways to fight for Yoochun to stay by his side. But, if the other felt so strongly about their current state and level of their relationship, then he couldn't do much, but to let go if that meant keeping himself from causing more damage towards the other. Then he'd do it. And he just stood there, a heavy pang in his chest when he heard those last words slip past the younger male's lips.
'I think we should white out everything that built up between us up until now. I think it's better that way- going on as if our presence never existed to one another. As if we never met. That way, it'd be easier to move on because I feel that I've come to regret some things- this being one of them', Yoochun disappeared inside, leaning against the front door as he heard Jaejoong yelling and banging from the outside, protesting to his request, begging for Yoochun to open the door. Begging for Yoochun to think about what he had said. But, he didn't budge. He remained there on the floor until the yelling died down and the banging stopped all together.
Until Jaejoong had finally left.
________
...now everything's different.
I lost my only lover,
And my friend...
Looking back at it all, he still feels the same. If anything, his growing feelings have intensified from the time spent apart from the other, secretly longing for the day the other can walk up to him and put all things aside to tell him that he was ready to take that next step. But, who was he kidding? It was all wishful thinking.
Looking back, he tries to pin-point exactly when their-mostly his- feelings got strung along during their experimentation or quest -he would like to call it-that every other high school student experienced. But, he knows they were different from the rest. It wasn't just some experiment or some type of quest. They had the answer all along; before they even knew what they were engaging in, it was there. They just needed something to confirm it; to bring those wandering traces of affection out so they could be known. But, to think after everything, those feelings seem to have become more uncontainable and less assured.
Looking back, he decides he should just keep the past where it belongs: behind him. And not bother to tap into it since it would, put a hinder in his step in moving forward. He should just stop looking back.
He sighs as he grabs his bag to head on to his next class. Recollecting his thoughts and having a leveled mind, he takes a deep breath, ready to go through another day of not knowing him. That is until he sees him walking towards his way. Just continue walking, he tells himself. Just as they're walking past each other, their shoulders brush lightly against the other. Yoochun can't help, but let out a shudder. He continues with his steps, neither one of them seeming to acknowledge the other. This is how it's been ever since. But, after a few seconds, something compels him to look over his shoulder.
And he sees Jaejoong doing the same; a solemn smile on his face. He keeps on with his way to class, wishing he never would have looked because they were nothing now. He had to remind himself that.
They have become no more than strangers to one another.
________
Ain't no telling what we could have been...
----
----
----
----
Author's extra note: uh...does anyone want to be my beta? i have like a list of ideas and some are already written and I need someone to check my work over before i actually post. i would really appreciate it and i don't update a lot either, so if anyone could volunteer, i'd be so happy you wouldn't know!
Author: Shycapri8
Length: Oneshot
Pairing(s): Jaechun (Jaejoong/Yoochun)
Genre: angst? One-sided(?) romance
Rating: R
Summary: If he had known things would've turned out as they did, he would've never even kissed him; that kiss marking the beginning of falling in love and there's just no taking things back. But, he can't stay friends with him. So they should remain strangers.
A/n: Inspiration from trey songz 'can't be friends'. I love that song. If you like, you can listen to that song while reading ^^ oh and if you do choose to listen while reading, make sure to put the volume on the computer low since there is no volume control on the embedded player.
And the lyrics are the small italicized words
Disclaimer: characters and song lyrics are not mine.
Request: does anyone want to be my beta? please?
And I wish we never did it.
And I wish we never loved it.
And I wish I never felt so deep in love with you
And now it ain't no way
We can be friends.
He was his best friend. They always hung out together. So when did all of this come about? How did things end up this way? He couldn't put his finger on it.
Or maybe he refused to acknowledge the first time he'd actually looked at his friend in a different perspective; a different light that had his heart beat erratically just by the slightest sight of him. But, he tried to dispel those thoughts. He tried to repress those feelings that were fighting to come to surface. Things were fine as they were.
So why did it all have to change? He didn't want it to change if it meant this as the overall outcome of the events that had transpired; the emotions that had came into collision with each other, leaving nothing left, but the broken remnants of what used to be and could've been: their relationship.
________
Now I'm sitting here going half crazy...
It's as if a perpetual burning was created in his chest. A taunting migraine, pulsating against his skull as his mind became bombarded with scenes of their touches and engagements of intimate moments they shared together; moments he thought they both felt the same about.
It drove- is still driving him mad, having to look at the other and have to constantly battle his inner self just to keep from going out of his way, to prove to the other that they could be more. To prove that they wouldn't be investing into something that wasn't worth anything to begin with. But, that was what the other felt. And he recalls every thing- every word the other had said to him. Those words were still lingering; left behind to continuously eat at him, to remind him of what just can't be.
But, then why is it- why is there a small part- just a small part of him that feels the other is longing as much as he is. Even if it's just by a little. Even if it's a small part of him that feels this way. It's enough to go by on, but it's more than enough to put him through more pain as well.
And he remembers. That conversation they had before everything had seemed to come to a downward spiral for the both of them.
'Just what are we Jae?' He had mustered up the courage to ask that question. He had been meaning to ask for quite some time, ever since the two had started whatever it was-he didn't know what to call this thing they had between them. And so curiosity got the best of him. But, who would've thought the answer he recieved would have scorched him opposed to actually quenching that curiosity, leaving more of an insatiable thirst for the other.
'We're friends Chunnie, what else?' The auburn haired male responded softly, running his fingers through the black locks of the younger male, managing to get some strands from blocking the other's eyes. He didn't know the other was trying his best to conceal the hurt that overtook him, but the tears that threatened to drop proved the younger male's attempt failed. 'Chunnie...I-'
'No Jaejoong', Yoochun didn't want to hear any sort of explanation. He didn't want to see the pity the other must've held in those apologetic orbs. 'I didn't know you still saw us that way. And here I thought-', Yoochun pulled from Jaejoong's reaching arm. He wasn't in the mood for consolation. Not this way. There was just no way in gaining comfort from the same person who was blatantly rejecting his evolving feelings; feelings he obviously had no control over. 'Maybe you felt something different. Now I see I was wrong', He reached for his clothes, purposely avoiding having any visual contact with the other, for fear of breaking down in front of him. For fear of making a more fool of himself. He had managed to put his clothes on, even if it was a bit haste despite his attempts to appear the least bit of calm. But, his actions showed far from it. And as his hand reached for the knob, he felt a hand on his shoulder and an arm encircle his lower abdomen.
'I love you. You know that, right?' The voice whispered into his ear, resulting in Yoochun's body tensing up for a moment, before resuming in turning the door open.
'Your declaration of love just isn't the same as what I feel since your love is for that of a friend', He gained nerve to turn to Jaejoong who had nothing, but a sullen expression. 'And that, I can't be.'
That was all that was said as the door clicked silently behind him.
________
The way it felt,
No faking it.
Maybe we were moving just a little too fast.
But, what we've done,
We can't take it back.
He knew he had began taking a little bit too much of a glance at his friend. It was more like staring at the other for periods of time until it was more than flat out noticeable- what he was doing. He didn't know- was it the broad shoulders, the toned abs or that alluring face? Was it the small waist that would make anyone want to hug him or was it the well defined triceps that made him want to feel what it was like to be held in those arms? The answer eluded him.
For all he knew, it was difficult to come to some type of reasoning when those eyes fell upon his own, catching him in the act.
Oh how he thought he was damned. He stood bolted to his spot by the lockers as the other strode up to him with an inquiring look. The way the other was eying him was posing worry. The way an arm was raised, he thought he was about to get an unwelcoming fist to his cheek. But, for checking the other out? Yeah, that seemed more than enough reason to get punched. A person just doesn't check out their male best friend especially if you're a male yourself.
'So...', The older male leaned forward just enough for the other to hear him. Yoochun let out an unknown breath of relief, seeing that the hand had rested on one of the lockers, to the side of his head. 'I see your wondering...' , His voice ghosted over Yoochun's neck, allowing the younger male to feel the heat that emitted through his pink lips. If the proximity of their bodies- let alone their faces- made Yoochun nervous, then the tickling of the older male's breath just added to it.
'Wo-wondering w-what?', If he could have kicked himself for responding in a stutter, he would had. He could feel the bobbling of his adam's apple; moving up and down in-almost-sync with his heart (which he was by now, pretty sure that his heart was thumping in the pit of his stomach). Jaejoong just smirked, permitting himself to dive his face in more.
'I've been wondering too', He admitted, using his free hand to rest in the crease of Yoochun's hip and waist. 'Maybe we can find out together-if it's hormones or something. I mean if you don't mind', He searched for some form of response or possible signs of objection. But, not receiving anything, yet not getting any negative vibes, he took that as an opening to close in on whatever distance was left between the two.
And as Yoochun allowed it, he couldn't keep himself from thinking that it was anything, but hormones. Right there he knew, from the kiss, he was getting himself into something that may have him in over his head. He also knew he would take that chance, enjoying how those lips felt against his own and how those hands felt on his chest.
The anticipation was building up from the anxiety as those hands traveled down to his lower region, teasingly tugging at the band of his boxers. A hand clasped onto one of his, bringing it to the towel that was loosely tied around that slender waist, with eyes silently pleading for him to remove it. While doing it shakily, he complied to the request, making sure to use every second to take in the sight before him as he felt his boxers being dropped.
Soon after, he found himself withering beneath a panting Jaejoong, assuring him of the pain that would subside and the pleasure that would soon overcome his body as he took one thing into account:
There was definitely no turning back now.
________
And if I knew it'd end like this,
I never would've kissed ya
Cause I fell in love with ya...
He remembers the day after he had ended things with Jaejoong, he had bumped into him on the way home. Or more like, Jaejoong had been following from behind the whole time, calling to gain his attention. Thinking he should stop to hear what the other had to say, that and the fact he had already reached the front door, he turned to the other as he caught his breath. Apparently the other had been running and it would had seemed wrong to close the door in his face. So he waited patiently, snorting to himself at the irony his patience portrayed (how he had waited so long ever since they took that step and crossed that line).
'Yoochun, I had been thinking the same thing. You know, thinking, hey maybe I could do this-we could do this. I was actually considering taking it further than just being friends that screwed around with each other, you know?', Jaejoong held onto Yoochun's hands with both of his. 'But, I just couldn't. Please try to understand. Your friendship means too much to me. I just can't take that kind of step with you; a step that involves emotional attachment to each other, leaving us both open to get hurt and that I can't bring myself to do.' Jaejoong couldn't keep a collected stance as his hands started to tremble. And Yoochun knew the sincerity of Jaejoong's words which made it harder for him to say what he said.
'Can't you see?', His voice caught in his throat. It hurt once to say it, but to say it again was speaking of an indescribable pain he knew would leave a permanent scar. 'You're hurting me by trying to keep me back. I know what I'd be getting myself into and I know what I was getting myself into when we started all of this. I need for you to understand that you are more precious to me than a friend and if you feel otherwise, then I have to respect that. Just like you have to respect that I would much rather not be friends if that means for the pain to fade even if that itself would take a while. Having to remain friends with you would just be torture Jae and I don't think I can take that. I'm sorry', Yoochun slipped his hands out of Jaejoong's grasp, feeling the loss of warmth they held. He turned to place his key into the lock, failing to catch the forlorn look Jaejoong displayed as the latter stepped down from the front steps.
'I don't regret it Chunnie. Not one bit. And even if, come to pass, that your feelings for me have gradually faded, know that I still love you and I still will after time passed. Know that I'm sorry about how you feel and if I'm the cause of all of this, but I don't regret it!' Jaejoong ran his hand through his hair, running out of ideas; out of ways to fight for Yoochun to stay by his side. But, if the other felt so strongly about their current state and level of their relationship, then he couldn't do much, but to let go if that meant keeping himself from causing more damage towards the other. Then he'd do it. And he just stood there, a heavy pang in his chest when he heard those last words slip past the younger male's lips.
'I think we should white out everything that built up between us up until now. I think it's better that way- going on as if our presence never existed to one another. As if we never met. That way, it'd be easier to move on because I feel that I've come to regret some things- this being one of them', Yoochun disappeared inside, leaning against the front door as he heard Jaejoong yelling and banging from the outside, protesting to his request, begging for Yoochun to open the door. Begging for Yoochun to think about what he had said. But, he didn't budge. He remained there on the floor until the yelling died down and the banging stopped all together.
Until Jaejoong had finally left.
________
...now everything's different.
I lost my only lover,
And my friend...
Looking back at it all, he still feels the same. If anything, his growing feelings have intensified from the time spent apart from the other, secretly longing for the day the other can walk up to him and put all things aside to tell him that he was ready to take that next step. But, who was he kidding? It was all wishful thinking.
Looking back, he tries to pin-point exactly when their-mostly his- feelings got strung along during their experimentation or quest -he would like to call it-that every other high school student experienced. But, he knows they were different from the rest. It wasn't just some experiment or some type of quest. They had the answer all along; before they even knew what they were engaging in, it was there. They just needed something to confirm it; to bring those wandering traces of affection out so they could be known. But, to think after everything, those feelings seem to have become more uncontainable and less assured.
Looking back, he decides he should just keep the past where it belongs: behind him. And not bother to tap into it since it would, put a hinder in his step in moving forward. He should just stop looking back.
He sighs as he grabs his bag to head on to his next class. Recollecting his thoughts and having a leveled mind, he takes a deep breath, ready to go through another day of not knowing him. That is until he sees him walking towards his way. Just continue walking, he tells himself. Just as they're walking past each other, their shoulders brush lightly against the other. Yoochun can't help, but let out a shudder. He continues with his steps, neither one of them seeming to acknowledge the other. This is how it's been ever since. But, after a few seconds, something compels him to look over his shoulder.
And he sees Jaejoong doing the same; a solemn smile on his face. He keeps on with his way to class, wishing he never would have looked because they were nothing now. He had to remind himself that.
They have become no more than strangers to one another.
________
Ain't no telling what we could have been...
----
----
----
----
Author's extra note: uh...does anyone want to be my beta? i have like a list of ideas and some are already written and I need someone to check my work over before i actually post. i would really appreciate it and i don't update a lot either, so if anyone could volunteer, i'd be so happy you wouldn't know!