Thoughts and Advice on Life and Sex, by and from an Inexperienced Virgin
Title: Thoughts and Advice on Life and Sex, by and from an Inexperienced Virgin.
Author: (shycapri8) star_drop8
Length: chaptered
Character(s): Changmin (main), dbsk, others will pop in here and there…
Pairing(s): Really, it could be any pairing. You will, in fact see my minsu/jaemin biased-ness come into play. But, there will be indications of a little bit of each. Ot5 perhaps? Hmm..yea.. ninja pairing/cross pairing perhaps? We’ll never know. I usually just ‘wing it’ when I write my stories. -_- sue me much?
Genre: Crack. Need I say more? And if we’re all lucky..a little bit of smut! Pff >.< I don’t write much of that though haha. But I am good at writing sarcasm. So hence the crack and plenty of it hopefully.
Rating: r.
Summary: Changmin goes about daily life, talking about his daily life and experiences with a few inputs and insights along the way. (I’m sorry. There’s just no way of summing this up. -_-. You’ll have to actually read the first chapter to get a slight tinge of what’s to come ^^)
A/N: This is Changmin focused. Therefore, in his pov. At least for the first half or so of each chapter. Why I picked Changmin, you ask? It’s not because he’s my fav member, I assure you. Seriously. It’s because I feel he fits the mature crack sarcastic (with a hint of perv) character more than the others. And he’s like my vessel (that’s because I sometimes ….no it’s a secret ^^)
Disclaimer: Omg yeah I usually don’t post a disclaimer because I’m like the king (haha) of losers. I thought I’d join the band wagon.
Only the story is mine. If they (dbsk) were mine, I’m sorry I can’t finish that statement. I mean that’s not a possibility for me. DX
How are babies made? ‘No, how was I made?’, is more like it.
There are different stories of how babies came about; about how life itself came about. I’ve heard it all; or I think I have. Not, like I want to actually sit and take in the bull crap adults have to tell me about life. What is it with the whole ‘birds and the bees’ analogy? I see no point. Birds fly. Bees make honey and fly. Are you trying to tell me, that creating life or engaging in an adult activity is like attaining wings? Then my goal in life is to learn how to fly.
So we have the stork story. Here we go again with birds. You might as well tell me we descended from dinosaurs. Even that theory has its controversies. Who’s to say we’ve came from gigantic birds whom most of which couldn’t even fly; later either dying off [or what scientists call] ‘evolving’ into us leaving a few crumbs of other species of birds along the way. Then humans would be the name of a type of bird. The whole theory of us once coming from our ancestor: the primate (or was it cavemen? I think gorillas are smarter than any cave dweller could’ve or might’ve been). However, it then leaves us with this: they say we are mammals. Like dolphins. So..are primates mammals as well? I think they are since some members of the primate family are closer to the mammal side. But, then that would make me a mutative mutt and that of course is not a good way of putting it because then I would literally be a dolphin/ape/dog, with the possibility of me coming from a bird. But, I’m no scientist and I’ve probably contradicted myself sentences ago and anyways I’m getting off the topic at hand. I was talking about how babies were made, not where we descended from.
So the stork. It comes and drops you off on a doorstep. In a white cloth. The end. I’m surprised as to know how the bird actually gets the baby right each time. But, then again we have hospitals to blame for baby mix-ups. I’m just trying to get this little fact straight though: if a bird dropped us off. How did he get us? Where did he get us? I would have no choice, but to believe that I’m just a random baby given to a random couple because we, the human race, can’t actually come to the point where we have to reproduce even though most of us have the working organs capable of performing that function. We have to leave it up to the birds to make babies? To literally carry the babies? So what do women hold in their guts for 9months? Gas? Backed up feces? I prefer not to know.
Now the whole, ‘magically appeared’ story. I just find that complete ludicrous. They tell you: ‘one day you weren’t here then the next day, there you were!’ Yeah, uh no. That’s a primitive way of saying: ‘we didn’t where a rubber’, or ‘popped went the weasel’. They’re basically telling you, you were a mistake, of course in the nicest and lamest terms possible.
No, that’s not the lamest term.
If your parents really love you, and I mean really ‘full out’ love you. They tell you: ‘the cat dragged you in.’ Or if you’re lucky, ‘aliens zapped you down to earth’. Nice one mom and dad!
Not me. Those stories do not apply to me what so ever. I am proud to say that I did not come from any of these ways. I didn’t come from anything. I was always here. As simple as that. You could say I was just sleeping all these centuries that came to pass. I just simply decided to ‘wake up’. Materialize; embody myself; manifest. I’m special. So that’s why I do not correlate myself to these theories. I am my own person. Feel free to call me some source of divinity if you will. Because I am the all-great mighty Changmin. Shim Changmin. Pure and that of imperfections. Yes I am impeccable. I make mistakes all the time and I can still go outside wearing all white (that’s to say if it’s a sunny day. No clouds in sight). Contradiction? Maybe. But, that’s my reason for being a virgin.
Okay, so did you guys buy my story? Okay so I’m just a virgin because I just am. Now, how did this go from a conversation on babies, to being a virgin? This, my fans, is how my mind works.