[fic] part one
title: The Bridge Between (a.k.a Fic of Doom) || part one
rating: R
fandom: Super Junior
pairing: Shiwon/Hyukjae/Donghae (and all variations)
notes: this is for aconite and phasera; if they'd never harassed me into finishing it, I wouldn't have. I hate long author notes but I have to mention, this is horrible. 2 years old, and it reads like that. OOC (this is before we really knew what Shiwon and Hyukjae were like) illogical, overdramatic and the dialogue sucks. I don't even know. My only excuse is boys are stupid? It's so old and I hate it so much that I can't even get back into that place of 2 years ago to properly even want to edit/fix this up as it really needs to be. It'll be locked soon, too. But it's here just to get those two losers off my back, so I can stop being guilted into finishing it 8D/
I don't write like this anymore, this is so shameful >>
Shiwon and Hyukjae have been friends since school. Neither of them can remember now just how or why they started talking that day in school, but ever since, they’ve been firm friends, best friends. They hadn’t noticed it at the time, they were only twelve years old, after all, but there was a spark between them, always had been, something that had cemented them as friends from the moment they first exchanged smiles.
They don’t have very much in common though, and the list they did have has grown smaller as they’ve grown up. Shiwon likes action movies, Hyukjae likes comedies. Shiwon’s favourite colour is red whilst Hyukjae’s favourite is blue. Shiwon likes cats and Hyukjae prefers dogs.
There are more differences than that between them, things that cause a few problems, sometimes. Things that make Shiwon shout and Hyukjae slam the doors. Because Shiwon doesn’t like, or want, commitment, and that’s all that Hyukjae wants.
They might share an apartment now - they’d decided to share one whilst they were in college, though they were both done with it now - but that was about all they shared, sometimes.
It’s one such argument that has Shiwon leaving the apartment in a silent rage, and Hyukjae shouting at him down the hallway. The door slams shut a few moments later, once Shiwon is out of sight; the force of it makes the walls and doorframe reverberate with Hyukjae’s anger.
He’d wanted to go out with Shiwon later that night - they haven’t been out together anywhere in awhile - but Shiwon had told him he had a date. And that’s what started one of their most frequent arguments.
“Why can’t you just stay with one person?” Hyukjae’s words had been spat angrily out at Shiwon, and he’d said much more besides.
“Why should I have to stay with just one person?” Had been Shiwon’s scathing reply. It had only gotten worse from there, until Shiwon had stormed out. He’d needed to go to work, anyway.
*
Shiwon meets Donghae first. He comes into the coffee shop where Shiwon works - only for the time being, his future does not lie in the coffee shop industry. He’s talkative whilst he makes his order - latte, lots of milk - but Shiwon doesn’t really mind, because Donghae seems to have a nice smile.
And after that, Donghae comes in almost regularly, when Shiwon’s working. He always makes a point to stop and talk to Shiwon, and, surprisingly, Shiwon always finds himself talking back to him.
This goes on for about a week before Shiwon decides to ask Donghae out somewhere. Not with any particular indecent intentions - though he wouldn’t complain if Donghae offered - but there was just something, some kind of spark there between them. It was like the time he’d first met Hyukjae, it might just be platonic, it might have been more, but it didn’t matter, because there was a spark there, something in Donghae that instantly appealed to Shiwon. And, plus, Donghae’s smile was really very nice.
Donghae’s fun. He’s talkative, but where Shiwon might have found this annoying in others, in Donghae he always finds it amusing, cute, even. And Donghae’s quite affectionate too, he finds out as well, not that he minds, because Shiwon’s a pretty physical guy himself. And Donghae’s a little strange, too, admittedly. He has a habit of just staring off into space for minutes on end, daydreaming. Shiwon also thinks that’s cute.
He likes getting to spend time with Donghae, he’s refreshing, a burst of fresh air. One day, when they’re laughing over cups of coffee - a different coffee shop, Shiwon doesn’t drink where he works - Shiwon absently finds himself thinking: I hope I get to keep him.
Hyukjae doesn’t get to meet Donghae for another few days after that. He’s heard mention of him, of course, from Shiwon, and wondered to himself if maybe this kid was Shiwon’s latest little fuck-toy, because that was all Shiwon ever had, fuck-toys. He’d also wondered how long this one would be sticking around for.
But it’s not until he comes home from work one evening that he actually gets to meet this Donghae. He and Shiwon are sitting on the floor in front of the television, playing a video game. Shiwon pouts as Donghae lets out a triumphant cry of victory. Apparently he’s won that round.
Hyukjae clears his throat, because neither has noticed him yet, and says, somewhat suspiciously, “Hey.”
Both look up at him, smiling. “Hey, Jae,” Shiwon greets him with a little wave.
Donghae bounces up from the floor to greet Hyukjae, a wide smile on his face. “Hi! You’re Hyukjae? I’m Donghae. Nice to meet you!”
Hyukjae stares at Donghae for a moment. He wants to dislike him, especially if Shiwon’s fucking him, but with that wide, cheerful smile and those open, honest eyes, Hyukjae finds that he really can’t bring himself to hate the guy. There seems to be this spark, this reaction, instantly between them both. Just like with Shiwon. And Hyukjae finds himself smiling back at Donghae.
*
Donghae quickly becomes a firm friend of the both of them, and it soon becomes obvious that he isn’t going anywhere. A few months down the line, and both Shiwon and Hyukjae are pretty attached to him. There’s just something about Donghae that appeals to them both. He’s like the missing piece to their puzzle, the bridge to the gap between Shiwon and Hyukjae.
But Hyukjae still finds it a little difficult sometimes to be around Donghae, especially if Shiwon is there too. Because he’s pretty sure they’re sleeping together, although if they are, it’s going on for a lot longer than usual; Shiwon never keeps anyone for more than a month.
One afternoon, it’s Hyukjae’s day off and Shiwon’s at work, so Hyukjae’s invited Donghae over to hang out. Donghae still lives with his parents, so he ends up spending a lot of time at their apartment instead. They’re just sitting on the couch, watching television as they eat the lunch they bought - neither could be bothered to cook - when Hyukjae finally gets up the nerve to ask him.
“Are you screwing Shiwon?”
Hyukjae doesn’t see the point in beating around the bush. His abruptness makes Donghae turn to look at him, staring in surprise. “Huh?”
“You, and Shiwon, are you fucking each other?” Perhaps there was no need for him to put it quite that way, but Hyukjae never could help but get a little hostile when it came to Shiwon.
Donghae stares for a moment longer, before he lets out an amused snort. He shakes his head, now giggling just a little. “No, no we’re not, at all.”
Hyukjae frowns a little at the laughter. He doesn’t know what’s so funny. “Have you?” It’s not his business … but he can’t help but ask.
“Nope.” Donghae’s laughter fades, but the smile still lingers on his face. “Not even once. Why, were you worried we were?”
Hyukjae looks away from Donghae. He doesn’t talk about Shiwon, to anyone. He wouldn’t even know where to start, or what to say, even if he did. “Course not,” he answers stiffly. His tone of voice clearly says he doesn’t want to take this conversation any further.
Donghae, easily distracted, says, “hey, are you gonna eat that? I’m starving!”
*
They both find it easy to get along with Donghae, to hang out and spend time with him, and they both enjoy it, together or separately. Hyukjae finds it a lot easier to be around them both once he’s learned they aren’t actually sleeping together. Although he’s sure it’s bound to happen at some point, he’s seen the way Shiwon looks at Donghae sometimes.
If he looked in the mirror, Hyukjae would have recognized the look on his own face sometimes too.
In the time they spend together and get to know each other, it becomes clear that Donghae really is the middle ground between them. His favourite movies are romance, but he likes action, and comedy. His favourite colour is purple, and although he favours dogs, he thinks kittens are absolutely adorable.
He shows Shiwon a picture of one for sale in the newspaper one day, squealing, and suggests Shiwon should buy it. Shiwon laughs and has to remind Donghae that all kittens grow into cats, and this puts Donghae off the idea.
*
A month later, Donghae appears at their door late one evening, a large gym bag in hand and the tears still wet on his cheeks. Shiwon’s the only one who is home - Hyukjae went out with some friends from work - and he pulls Donghae inside the apartment quickly.
“Hae, what’s wrong?” He’s instantly concerned. In the time they’ve known each other, Shiwon has only seen Donghae cry a few times, and only ever over certain movies. But this was clearly no movie. And the gym bag Donghae clutches in one hand - so tightly his knuckles turn white - is a somewhat obvious omen.
Donghae falls into Shiwon’s arms, bag falling to the floor, and he tells Shiwon what’s wrong, his voice thick with the effort to swallow back more of his tears.
He explains how his parents kicked him out of the house, earlier that evening.
“Why?” Shiwon’s clearly confused; he can’t imagine Donghae doing anything worth being kicked out of his home for.
Somewhat brokenly, eyes watering again, Donghae says, “I told them I was bi.”
Shiwon sighs and pulls Donghae over to the couch, where he continues to hold him tightly in his arms, trying to soothe and comfort him.
“I left a couple hours ago, actually, after Dad slammed the door in my face. I would have gone to a hotel, but I don’t have enough money on me. I didn’t know where else to go, I’m sorry.”
Shiwon shushes him quickly, shaking his head. “Don’t be stupid. You know you’re welcome here anytime. You don’t mind the couch, do you?”
Hyukjae comes home later that night to find Shiwon and Donghae curled up on the couch together. Then he sees a bag over in a corner of the living room.
Shiwon explains the situation to Hyukjae quickly. He doesn’t want to upset Donghae again, he’s already cried enough that evening.
“I’m sorry, Hyukjae, I don’t mean to put you guys out, but I didn’t know where else to go.”
Hyukjae shakes his head and moves to sit on the couch, on the other side of Donghae. He puts a hand comfortingly on Donghae’s shoulder and smiles at him. “Shut up. We wouldn’t want you to stay anywhere else.”
They give Donghae pillows and a blanket and leave him curled up on the couch that night to sleep. Neither Shiwon or Hyukjae are used to having someone else in their apartment - Hyukjae won’t let Shiwon bring anyone else back - so when they hear the sounds of someone moving around in the living room, they both get up to see what’s going on.
They find Donghae frantically searching through his gym bag. All his clothes are already strewn all about the floor, but he’s still searching, looking almost desperately.
“Donghae?” Hyukjae calls out, still sounding half asleep.
Donghae turns to look at them both, and he tells them, sounding rather distressed, “Cho, I can’t find him! I left him at home.”
They both just stare at Donghae for a moment, blinking in bewilderment, until it clicks what Donghae must be talking about. His teddy bear, he’s had it since he was three years old, his parents gave it to him.
“Come on, Hae.” Shiwon holds his hand out to Donghae, and after a moment, Donghae takes it. “You can sleep in with me tonight.”
Donghae sleeps in the bed with Shiwon that night. It’s plenty big enough for the both of them, his bed is big enough for three, but Donghae cuddles up close to Shiwon and holds him tight, almost using Shiwon as a replacement teddy bear. Shiwon doesn’t mind, though. He winds his own arms around Donghae and holds him just as close.
Shiwon seemed to have forgotten just how nice it was to have another warm body in the bed, someone to hold close and tight. And even though Donghae clings to him almost like a leech, and makes soft, little sniffling noises, Shiwon decides he doesn’t want to forget how good it feels to just sleep in a bed with another person.
*
Hyukjae makes breakfast for them all the next morning. Donghae sniffles over his orange juice. Apparently, his mother always used to fill up a glass of it for him too. Shiwon and Hyukjae both exchange a helpless look.
Shiwon has to work that morning, so it’s left to Hyukjae to keep Donghae occupied. Something that has suddenly become much more difficult than it used to be. Donghae is listless, vacant and unenthusiastic.
Hyukjae tries to get him to watch a movie, but Donghae can’t decide which one. Hyukjae suggests they go out somewhere, for lunch, or a walk, or anything; Donghae doesn’t really care, though. Hyukjae throws out all sorts of suggestions, but the only thing they end up doing is sitting on the couch, Donghae clutching at Hyukjae, face buried against Hyukjae’s chest as he tries so hard not to cry anymore. Men aren’t supposed to cry, his father always told him.
Just thinking about his father, and the things he’d said, tears a sob from Donghae’s throat. Hyukjae, somewhat awkwardly, pats Donghae on the back. “It’ll be alright,” he says, rather uselessly. What else is he supposed to say?
“What did I do wrong?” Donghae’s voice comes out a hoarse whisper, and Hyukjae can feel his fingers twist tighter in the material of his shirt. “Is it really that bad?”
Hyukjae’s glad - or at least he hopes - that Donghae’s questions are rhetorical, because he wouldn’t know how to answer them otherwise. He’d always been brought up to believe that homosexuality, in any form, was wrong, something to be frowned upon, a sin. And although he isn’t entirely immune to it himself, he still can’t quite see it as anything but wrong.
Of course, sometimes the sound of Shiwon’s voice; the taste of Shiwon’s lips; the feel of Shiwon’s touch, is enough to drown out the inner voices of his parents and priest, but the promise of eternal damnation and being cast from heaven is still never far from Hyukjae’s mind.
So he can’t really tell Donghae that it isn’t bad, wrong, because Hyukjae thinks it is, and that’s the last thing Donghae needs to hear right now.
“A-an-and,” Donghae continues, stumbling clumsily over his words, “it’s not as if there’s no hope I’ll ever have a wife and children! I just … I just like some guys, too.” There’s the sound of another sob, and then some sniffing, and then Hyukjae hears nothing but Donghae’s heavy breathing; but Donghae’s shoulders still shake in his arms.
“I’m sorry, Donghae,” Hyukjae whispers, because he can’t really think of anything else to say, even though he’s not sure what he’s apologising for. That Donghae’s parents kicked him out. That Donghae feels homosexual urges. That Hyukjae can’t help but still think it’s wrong. Or maybe he’s just sorry that he doesn’t know what to say.
*
Shiwon comes home from work one afternoon to find Donghae sitting on the floor by the apartment door, leaning back against the grey wall.
“Hae, what are you doing?” Shiwon asks as he unlocks the door and ushers Donghae inside. He’s clearly confused as to why Donghae was sitting outside in the hall.
“I went out for a bit. But no one was home when I got back, so I waited.” It’s actually the first time Donghae has left the apartment in the week since he’s been staying with them.
“How long were you waiting out there?”
“A couple hours.”
Shiwon groans and smacks his palm to his forehead. “I’m so sorry, Hae, I totally forgot you didn’t have a key! Come on, we’ll go get one cut for you.”
Donghae shakes his head quickly. “Oh no, don’t! I’m sorry, I’ll be out of your hair soon! As soon as I find a job and get some money together for a deposit … when I find a place, although if you want me gone sooner I can always -”
Shiwon interrupts Donghae’s babbling. “Hae, be quiet. We don’t want you gone at all. Now come with me and we’ll go get you your own key.”
*
Since Donghae started living with them a month ago, he’s spent almost every night sleeping in bed with Shiwon. At first, it’s just because he was too upset, and too lonely, to sleep on his own in the living room. But then it just starts to become habit, and turns into a bit of a routine. And Shiwon doesn’t mind, because he likes having another person in bed with him.
But this one night, Shiwon isn’t home. He went out earlier that evening with some friends, saying he wouldn’t be home until late. It's late, and there's no sign of Shiwon anytime soon, and Donghae just can't get himself to sleep. He’d tried sleeping on the couch, but he just felt so isolated. So he’d tried sleeping in Shiwon’s bed, but he could still smell Shiwon’s scent, thick on the pillows, and that had just made him feel lonely.
So, rubbing at his eyes sleepily, Donghae knocks on Hyukjae’s door softly. He knows Hyukjae is still awake, because he just heard him come back from the bathroom only a moment ago.
“Yeah?”
Donghae steps into the room quietly and shuts the door behind him. “Hyukjae …” he starts tentatively, nervously. “I can’t get to sleep.”
Hyukjae blinks into the darkness and wonders what to do. Shiwon never hesitates in inviting Donghae into his bed, hell, Shiwon doesn’t even invite Donghae anymore, it just happens.
It makes Hyukjae a little uncomfortable, for reasons he doesn’t want to even think about yet, but he can’t turn his friend away, not when Donghae needs him. Although the bitter voice in the back of Hyukjae’s mind tells him that Donghae only needs him because Shiwon isn’t there right now.
Throwing the covers back, Hyukjae finally says, “come on, get in.” He sounds like a parent that’s just given in against their will, though he can’t help but smile slightly when a moment later Donghae crawls into the bed and snuggles up against him.
Donghae certainly isn’t uncomfortable, and doesn’t seem to have any misgivings, about climbing into bed with him.
“Thanks, Hyuk,” Donghae whispers, because you always have to whisper in the dark. He rests his head on Hyukjae’s chest and wraps an arm around his waist, cuddling up even closer. “I’m really lucky to have you and Shiwon, you know. You’re both the best friends anyone could ask for.”
Hyukjae’s touched to hear that, and he’s glad it’s dark so that Donghae can’t see him. He finally gives in, because he can’t not when Donghae’s snuggling up so comfortably against him, and winds one of his own arms back around Donghae.
“We’re lucky to have you too,” he whispers back, unaware he’s tightening his hold, just a little, around Donghae. “Now will you go to sleep? Because I’m tired and have work in the morning.”
*
One afternoon, using his new key, Donghae comes home - it feels almost like home to him by now anyway - to find a present sitting for him on the couch. His eyes widen in surprise and he gasps a little as he walks over and picks it up.
It’s brown and brand new and its fur is so soft and there’s a pretty purple bow tied around its neck. He just stares at the bear in silent wonder for a moment. As he’s staring, warm arms slip around his waist from behind, and Donghae lets out a startled little noise.
Shiwon - and he knows its Shiwon because Donghae knows his scent - rests his chin on Donghae’s shoulder. Donghae can feel some of Shiwon’s hair tickle the side of his face ever so slightly.
“I know he’s not the same,” Shiwon tells him, and now Donghae can feel Shiwon’s breath tickle the side of his face. But he doesn’t mind. “And I know he won’t ever be the same as Cho, but he’s just as special, okay? Because I bought him for you. He needed a good home, and I knew you’d give it to him.” There’s an obvious smile in Shiwon’s voice, and if Donghae had turned his face just a little, he would have seen it. He doesn’t need to see it to feel it though.
A smile curves Donghae’s lips, a genuine, happy, smile, and Shiwon leans forward so that he can catch it properly. It’s the smile he’s been waiting - hoping - for.
Donghae turns in Shiwon’s arms so he can face him, eyes and smile both wide and happy. “Thank you, Shiwon,” he says, leaning forward to hug Shiwon tight. “Thank you so much.”
No, it’ll never be quite the same, but this one would be special too.
*
“Hey, why’d you leave the washing up for me to do? You knew it was -” Hyukjae’s words falter as he looks up and sees the expression on Donghae’s face as he comes through the door.
“Donghae, what’s wrong?”
Donghae comes over to sit on the couch beside Hyukjae, and he has to repeat his question before Donghae appears to actually hear him.
“I tried to see my mother today,” he finally says, voice quiet, soft.
Hyukjae sighs, but waits for Donghae to continue.
“It’s been a month and a half, Hyuk, you know that?” Donghae says. “A month and a half since they kicked me out. I thought … I thought that maybe by now she could have accepted it. If Dad wasn’t around to make her think what he did …” he trails off, and Hyukjae thinks he doesn’t need to hear anymore.
Donghae turns to look at him with his wide eyes, and they look hurt, so full of hurt, that Hyukjae almost aches for him.
“Do you know what she told me?” Donghae says after a pause, when he’s looked away from Hyukjae. He carries on without waiting for an answer. “She told me Donghwa was engaged. She said, ‘your brother’s making up for your mistakes.’”
Hyukjae leans forward, as if to comfort Donghae, but Donghae pulls away, shakes his head. “Don’t, don’t. I’ll just cry if you do. And Dad always told me men aren’t supposed to cry.” He doesn’t say it out loud, he doesn’t feel the need to, but Donghae can’t help but think to himself how he always ends up being the one to make the mistakes.
*
They take it in turns to play videogames, rotating it between the three of them. They have it all worked out who gets to play when, because playing with three people can be tricky. Donghae can usually always beat Shiwon, except at fighting games, when Shiwon beats all of them, but Hyukjae almost always beats Donghae, at everything but racing games, and Shiwon almost never dies before Hyukjae does at role-play games, unless Donghae is distracting him.
It’s funny whenever Shiwon loses, because he’ll pout and whine and throw a miniature temper tantrum, which just has Donghae laughing and Hyukjae rolling his eyes; he’s seen it all before. When Donghae loses, he tries to look sad and guilt them into letting him win; it never works, but Shiwon and Hyukjae both think he looks absolutely adorable. And when Hyukjae thinks he’s going to lose, he tries to bribe them with money. Shiwon will take the money, but not let Hyukjae win, and Donghae always smacks Shiwon on the arm and tells him it’s wrong, but then will ask in a loud whisper to split the money with him.
When they aren’t playing video games in their free time, Donghae or Shiwon have usually convinced the other two to watch a movie. They usually argue about what to watch for a good ten minutes, Donghae is usually the one to offer the compromising movie, or sometimes picking one that makes both Shiwon and Hyukjae groan with horror, and quickly agree to watch each other’s instead.
If they’re actually paying attention to the movie, because they don’t always, sometimes they mess and joke around and throw popcorn at each other; but when they’re paying attention, they sit on the couch together, Shiwon on one side of Donghae, Hyukjae on the other, and Shiwon will almost always have an arm wound around Donghae’s shoulders.
Sometimes this makes Hyukjae a little jealous, but then Donghae will turn to him and whisper some kind of comment about the movie into his ear, or reach out and run his fingers absently through Hyukjae’s hair - Donghae likes hair - and Hyukjae forgets to feel jealous.
And if they aren’t inside doing any of that or something else, then it’ll be because Hyukjae has convinced them to go outside, and have dragged them off to the park to kick a ball about and play soccer - though it’s hard with just three people - or do something else that’s outside.
No one ever gets a goal past Hyukjae, unless it’s a lucky shot, but Shiwon rarely ever makes a save, and never against Hyukjae. Donghae’s skills come in between them both.
In the two months Donghae’s been living with them, things have slid into a normal routine like this, and by now they’re all comfortable with it and settled and happy. Except maybe Hyukjae isn’t ever comfortable, or settled, or happy with the ongoing routine of Donghae still sleeping in Shiwon’s bed. He has a new bear and everything now, and he seems for the most part, to have gotten somewhat over his parent’s displeasure with him, and still Donghae crawls into bed beside Shiwon almost every night - unless Shiwon’s not home, and then he turns to Hyukjae.
Hyukjae wonders if he doesn’t like this one habit because he’s jealous of Shiwon; because he feels second best, second choice, or because he doesn’t want to be as comfortable in a bed with Donghae as he actually is.
He never mentions it though, and neither does Shiwon or Donghae. Apparently, they don’t seem to care about it like Hyukjae does.
*
“Doesn’t it irritate you?”
“Huh?” Donghae clearly has no idea what Hyukjae is talking about.
“Shiwon, and these dates he goes on, don’t they make you mad?”
Shiwon’s out on another date that night, which leaves Donghae and Hyukjae alone to entertain themselves.
Donghae frowns at Hyukjae. “No, why would they make me mad? Shiwon’s allowed to date.”
It’s probably because Hyukjae’s still convinced that something is going on between Shiwon and Donghae that he’s even saying any of this. Although Donghae had clearly said he and Shiwon weren’t doing anything together, Hyukjae doesn’t think so, at least not anymore. They had to be doing something! They shared a bed almost every night nowadays, for a start.
“Doesn’t his inability to commit irritate you?” It damn well irritates Hyukjae, and it has for a long time now. But the look on Donghae’s face shows he clearly isn’t concerned. Maybe he’s more open minded than Hyukjae, or maybe he’s telling the truth and not screwing Shiwon.
Donghae shrugs slightly. “No not really. Shiwon doesn’t have to commit to anyone.”
“But don’t you want him to?”
“Only if he wants to. It’s his life, it has nothing to do with me.” Donghae clearly doesn’t care about this like Hyukjae does, but then, Donghae hasn’t known, or lived with Shiwon for as long.
“You don’t think it’s wrong of him?” Hyukjae isn’t quite sure exactly what he’s trying to get at. Donghae’s opinions on Shiwon? Some kind of hint that he and Shiwon are more? Maybe something Shiwon might have told Donghae, one of those nights in bed, before they fell asleep? Or maybe he’s just taking the difficult route to let someone know his own feelings about it, because Hyukjae never really talks about it to anyone.
“Not if he’s happy with what he’s doing,” Donghae answers simply. “Besides, he’s hardly been out on any dates at all, recently. He’s slowing down.” Donghae lets out a slight laugh, “he must be getting old,” he jokes.
This is true enough though, Hyukjae realises. Shiwon has been out a lot less, in the past few weeks. It’s strange, and has Hyukjae sitting there, silently pondering the reasons why.
*
Shiwon and Hyukjae go out that night. It was Donghae’s suggestion, and at his insistence, that Shiwon spend more time with Hyukjae. They go out to a restaurant first. As they laugh together over their food Shiwon is struck by the sudden reminder of why Hyukjae is, and always was, his best friend. They could always laugh together, over something, anything.
After they eat they go out for a drink or few, and Hyukjae manages to get Shiwon to go up and have a go at the karaoke. In retaliation, Shiwon makes Hyukjae drink a double shot, before then sending him up to sing a song. Hyukjae’s a little drunk by then, and Shiwon is highly amused.
They’re both a little more than drunk by the time they end up making their way back home. It’s late, but not too late, and the streets are almost, but not quite, empty.
“Jae,” Shiwon says, slinging an arm over Hyukjae’s shoulders, which makes them both stumble a little. “This was fun, why don’t we do this more often?”
“You’re too busy, hanging out with Donghae.” Hyukjae sounds only a little bitter and resentful as he says this.
This information surprises Shiwon. He hadn’t even noticed how much time he’s been spending with Donghae, but as they make their way back to their apartment he realises that Hyukjae is right.
They get inside the apartment complex and make it up to the first floor before Shiwon stops them both. “I’m sorry I’ve been spending so much time with Donghae.” Shiwon sounds sincere as he speaks, honestly unaware of the situation until only a moment ago.
Hyukjae, surprised by this sudden acknowledgement, looks away and says nothing.
“I guess,” Shiwon continues, “I was just … a little infatuated with him.”
Hyukjae looks at him silently a moment, and turns to start walking up the stairs.
“Hyukjae.” Shiwon reaches out and grabs Hyukjae’s arm, pulls him back, turns to face him. “You’re still my best friend, you know.” He reaches up and holds Hyukjae’s face between his hands. “You always will be.”
He leans forward and presses his mouth to Hyukjae’s. It only takes a moment before Hyukjae is kissing him back. Smiling inwardly, Shiwon slips his tongue across Hyukjae’s lips, before slipping it inside his mouth.
After a moment, when Hyukjae becomes aware that Shiwon is slowly backing him up towards the wall, he pulls back, steps away from a surprised looking Shiwon.
“It’s a shame you only ever say or do these things when you’re drunk.”
Hyukjae turns back towards the stairs and makes his way up to their floor.
*
“Do you miss it? Just being the two of you?”
Shiwon, surprised by the question, looks up from the plate of food in front of him. “What?”
Averting his eyes, Donghae fidgets a little in his seat, repeating his question. “Do you miss it just being you and Hyukjae?”
Shiwon doesn’t hesitate with his answer. “You’re an idiot sometimes, Hae.” Reaching over, he pats Donghae’s hand affectionately, smiling. “I’ve already told you a dozen times before; you’re more than welcome to stay with us.”
Donghae looks up at Shiwon. “I know but … sometimes I feel like I’m interfering, getting in the way, you know?”
It seems clear to Shiwon that this has been bothering Donghae for some time now, which is probably why Donghae had taken him out for lunch in the first place.
“What has Hyukjae been saying to you?”
Donghae looks a little confused. “Huh? He hasn’t said anything to me.”
Oh. Shiwon shrugs and smiles at him. “See? Then there isn’t a problem. Besides, we both like having you around. Don’t even think about it.” As if to put an end to the topic Shiwon continues eating his food, and Donghae soon follows suit.
Shiwon can’t help but continue to think about it though. He doesn’t see Donghae as interfering, he never has, but after the things Hyukjae said to him the other day, Shiwon wonders if perhaps that’s the way Hyukjae sees things. Which would be completely stupid if he did, because Donghae living with them is no reason to affect Shiwon and Hyukjae’s friendship, not really. And besides that, Hyukjae’s friends with Donghae as well, and he’s just as happy to have him living with them as Shiwon is.
Shiwon’s not entirely sure what’s going on with Hyukjae, but he soon dismisses it from his mind and quickly forgets about it completely, because Donghae’s making jokes and playing around with his food, making Shiwon laugh.
It can’t be all that important, anyway, whatever’s going on in Hyukjae’s mind.
*
Donghae kissed Hyukjae for the first time two nights ago. It was during one of those nights when Donghae was sharing his bed. Donghae never slept on the couch, and it had apparently become pretty normal for him to crawl into bed with either Shiwon or Hyukjae.
It wasn’t, however, normal for Donghae to kiss Hyukjae, except he did, two nights ago.
It had been a normal enough evening, Shiwon had been out with friends, and after eating dinner, playing video games for awhile and watching a movie (Donghae had begged to watch it) they’d gone to bed, Donghae climbing in next to Hyukjae.
And even then it had still been normal, the both of them talking about nothings in between sleepy silences.
It had been during one of those sleepy silences when Donghae had done it. It had been a pretty quick kiss, he’d just leant over, found Hyukjae’s face in the dark, and pressed their lips together, briefly but firmly, before whispering a very normal “night, Hyuk,” and settling down to sleep.
Hyukjae had laid there for what felt like hours, stunned and surprised. What in the hell had happened? Sure, Donghae's affectionate, all the time, but he’s never given kisses before.
Maybe it was just Donghae being affectionate. But Hyukjae had been unable to bring himself to ask about it. How did you bring up something like that, anyway? ‘Oh, Donghae, I was just wondering, why’d you kiss me?’ Yeah, maybe not.
Whatever the reason, it had Hyukjae thinking. Maybe it was about time Donghae thought about getting a place of his own? He had been staying with them for awhile after all. But, of course, Donghae couldn’t move out until he found himself a job, and got some money together. Maybe Hyukjae should bring up the subject of Donghae getting a job. Would Donghae get the idea then?
“Oh, there you are.” Donghae’s sudden appearance pulls Hyukjae out of the same thoughts that have been circling his head for days.
“Since Shiwon’s not going to be home for awhile, I thought maybe we should go out and eat tonight, just the two of us.”
Donghae’s smile is that same warm, cheerful smile that he always has, and Hyukjae finds himself smiling back; it’s so easy to do.
“Where did you have in mind?”
“Actually, I already called and made reservations at that Chinese place you like.”
Perhaps Hyukjae had been thinking a little too rashly before. When he’s actually around Donghae, and he did thoughtful things like this, Hyukjae never thinks of asking him to move out. It doesn’t even bother him to know that he’ll be the one paying for this nice meal out.
He realises then that he doesn’t really want to have Donghae leave, anyway. He likes having the other man around. Really likes it. Maybe that’s why he thought of it in the first place, maybe Hyukjae thinks he likes Donghae too much, and maybe that scares him. Maybe. But he doesn’t think of any of that. He just smiles back at his friend and grabs his coat.
“You know, you’re a good friend, Hae,” Hyukjae tells him as they leave the apartment. It’s not often Hyukjae says things like that, he usually finds it difficult to, but it feels right to say this to Donghae now. “I don’t care what your parents think; you’re a really great guy.”
For just a moment Hyukjae wonders if mentioning his parents will upset Donghae, but he just smiles, as if Hyukjae has given him the best present ever, and he looks so happy.
*
It’s Shiwon who kisses Donghae for the first time. In the kitchen; it was Shiwon’s turn to do the washing up and Donghae had offered to help.
“Hey, wait, you’ve got bubbles on your face.” Shiwon reaches out and gently wipes the bubbles from Donghae’s cheek with a towel. “There.”
Donghae laughs and rubs at his cheek. “Thanks.”
For a moment Shiwon just looks at Donghae, a smile on his face. “You are so cute,” he says affectionately. Before Donghae can even respond, Shiwon leans over and kisses him on the mouth.
Donghae doesn’t seem to mind, so Shiwon does it again, a little harder this time, one of his hands coming up to cup the back of Donghae’s head. His fingers are still wet from washing up.
If Shiwon could have smiled, he would have, as Donghae starts to kiss him back. Donghae can’t really help himself though, Shiwon’s lips just feel so nice, and he’s a good kisser. A really good kisser. Donghae feels as if he might just melt against Shiwon.
Feeling this is going nicely, Shiwon slides his tongue over Donghae’s lower lip, almost teasingly. He can faintly taste the strawberries Donghae had for dessert.
Then, to Shiwon’s surprise, and somewhat dismay, Donghae pulls back. He is happy, however, to note how Donghae’s cheeks are now pleasantly flushed with colour.
“Uh … what was that for?”
Shiwon smiles at him, amused now. “Because I wanted to. Why, didn’t you like it?”
Donghae shakes his head. “It was nice, just surprising.”
“Good. Then you won’t mind if I do it again sometime?” Shiwon still smiles as he pulls his hand out from Donghae’s hair, patting him briefly on the cheek. Donghae really is just so cute, with his wide, dark eyes, flushed cheeks, rosy lips and the now somewhat shy look on his face. Looking at him, Shiwon is struck with this sudden urge for Donghae.
Perhaps Donghae can see some of that in Shiwon’s face, which might explain why he suddenly looks a little nervous.
“Uh, okay. I’m gonna go see what Hyukjae’s up to.”
Shiwon still has the same amused smile on his face as he watches Donghae leave.
*
Donghae comes bouncing into the apartment one evening like a rabbit on drugs. He has the biggest smile on his face, and before either Hyukjae or Shiwon can enquire about this obviously cheerful nature, Donghae excitedly exclaims, “I got a job today!”
“That’s great, Hae! Where at?” Shiwon comes over and pats Donghae on the back.
Hyukjae grins and gives him a thumbs up. “Awesome.”
Still beaming, Donghae says, “There’s this pet store, and they had a vacancy. I applied for it a couple of weeks ago, actually. Anyway, they called me back for an interview, and told me today I had the job!”
“You applied that long ago? Why didn’t you say anything?” Hyukjae asks.
“Oh, well, I just didn’t want to get any hopes up, in case I didn’t get it.”
“Well, you did get it, and this is something to celebrate, right, Hyukjae? Let’s go out somewhere.”
Donghae’s smile widens, if that’s even possible, and he beams from ear to ear as Hyukjae gets their coats for them.
“You sure you have enough money though, Shiwon? You know how much food Donghae can pack away,” Hyukjae jokes, poking him teasingly in the stomach.
“Hey! At least I eat! We’re not all as picky as you are.”
Laughing, Shiwon says, “actually, Jae, I was going to let you pay tonight, so Hae, eat as much as you like.”
They continue to joke and tease each other all evening, even during their meal. It turns into a good night out, they all have fun just hanging out and laughing about stupid stuff together. All of them at one point that night are clearly reminded of just why they’re all such good friends, most of the time.
After they eat, and Shiwon does end up paying for it, though Donghae insists he’ll pay for things too now that he has a job, they decide to go out for a drink, because no one quite wants the evening to end just yet.
It’s getting cold outside, because it’s October, so they’re all bundled up and making their way to the bar as quickly as they can.
“Hey, wait,” Donghae stops them. “Wait, we should take a picture!” It seems a strange moment to stop and take a picture, but Donghae’s adamant and already pulling his phone out of his pocket.
“Now?” Hyukjae asks.
“Yes, come on!” In between them both, Donghae tugs on their arms to pull them closer. “I don’t have enough pictures of the three of us, you know.”
Shiwon slings his arm over Donghae’s shoulders and Donghae winds an arm around Hyukjae’s waist, making sure the three of them all fit into the screen.
“Smile!” Donghae instructs, taking the picture a moment later. They all smile, and the picture actually comes out quite nicely. It’s almost like a snapshot of what the three of them could - can - be.
Then, Donghae’s laughing and pulling away from them both as he calls out, “race you guys to the bar!” It’s a good thing the bar isn’t very far away, because all three of them end up running there. Despite Donghae’s head start, he’s the shortest of them so he ends up coming last, and although Shiwon is by far the tallest, Hyukjae’s the most fit of the three, and beats them both. His prize is a drink each from Shiwon and Donghae, with Donghae promising to pay Shiwon back for it since he doesn’t have any money on him.
The fun night continues as they all drink probably a little more than they should, especially Donghae who never drinks much and never drank before meeting Shiwon, and has rather a low tolerance for alcohol.
“Back in a minute,” he laughs, leaving for what has to be the tenth time for the bathroom.
Shiwon watches him leave, laughing, clearly amused. “You think we should tell him that one was a double instead of a single?” He says, turning to look at Hyukjae. But Hyukjae isn’t laughing.
“Hyukjae?”
“I can see the way you look at him, you know.” Hyukjae wasn’t planning on saying this, but the drinks he’s had make it a little difficult for him to think properly.
Shiwon is confused. “What?”
“Donghae. I’ve seen the way you look at him lately. I know what’s on your mind.”
“Oh, and what’s on my mind, Hyukjae?” Shiwon doesn’t sound so confused anymore.
“You want to fuck him,” Hyukjae answers bluntly. The alcohol really is freeing his tongue quite a bit. “You want to do what you always do, try him out, fuck him, have your fun and move on to the next person.” He looks disgusted as he says this, after all, how many times has Hyukjae seen Shiwon do this now? “But Donghae’s your friend, and he’s my friend too. I won’t let you mess him around like that.”
Shiwon looks less than happy to have Hyukjae tell him what he can or cannot do. “What if he was up for it, too? You gonna stop Donghae from doing what he wants?”
Hyukjae frowns at him. “You are not going to fuck him up, Shiwon. Remember how long it took him to smile again after the shit with his parents? Leave him out of your selfish sex games.”
All traces of a smile are gone from Shiwon’s face as he leans in closer to Hyukjae. “You sound like you’re jealous, Jae. You want Donghae too?”
Shiwon is about to say more but that’s when Donghae returns from the bathroom, slipping back into his seat in between the two. He slings an arm around each of their shoulders, looking from Hyukjae to Shiwon and back again. “I am so lucky to have friends as great as you two,” he somewhat drunkenly, and cheerfully, slurs at them. “You’re the best friends a guy could ask for!”
Funny, but right at that moment, neither Shiwon nor Hyukjae feels much like a great friend.
---
part two
rating: R
fandom: Super Junior
pairing: Shiwon/Hyukjae/Donghae (and all variations)
notes: this is for aconite and phasera; if they'd never harassed me into finishing it, I wouldn't have. I hate long author notes but I have to mention, this is horrible. 2 years old, and it reads like that. OOC (this is before we really knew what Shiwon and Hyukjae were like) illogical, overdramatic and the dialogue sucks. I don't even know. My only excuse is boys are stupid? It's so old and I hate it so much that I can't even get back into that place of 2 years ago to properly even want to edit/fix this up as it really needs to be. It'll be locked soon, too. But it's here just to get those two losers off my back, so I can stop being guilted into finishing it 8D/
I don't write like this anymore, this is so shameful >>
Shiwon and Hyukjae have been friends since school. Neither of them can remember now just how or why they started talking that day in school, but ever since, they’ve been firm friends, best friends. They hadn’t noticed it at the time, they were only twelve years old, after all, but there was a spark between them, always had been, something that had cemented them as friends from the moment they first exchanged smiles.
They don’t have very much in common though, and the list they did have has grown smaller as they’ve grown up. Shiwon likes action movies, Hyukjae likes comedies. Shiwon’s favourite colour is red whilst Hyukjae’s favourite is blue. Shiwon likes cats and Hyukjae prefers dogs.
There are more differences than that between them, things that cause a few problems, sometimes. Things that make Shiwon shout and Hyukjae slam the doors. Because Shiwon doesn’t like, or want, commitment, and that’s all that Hyukjae wants.
They might share an apartment now - they’d decided to share one whilst they were in college, though they were both done with it now - but that was about all they shared, sometimes.
It’s one such argument that has Shiwon leaving the apartment in a silent rage, and Hyukjae shouting at him down the hallway. The door slams shut a few moments later, once Shiwon is out of sight; the force of it makes the walls and doorframe reverberate with Hyukjae’s anger.
He’d wanted to go out with Shiwon later that night - they haven’t been out together anywhere in awhile - but Shiwon had told him he had a date. And that’s what started one of their most frequent arguments.
“Why can’t you just stay with one person?” Hyukjae’s words had been spat angrily out at Shiwon, and he’d said much more besides.
“Why should I have to stay with just one person?” Had been Shiwon’s scathing reply. It had only gotten worse from there, until Shiwon had stormed out. He’d needed to go to work, anyway.
*
Shiwon meets Donghae first. He comes into the coffee shop where Shiwon works - only for the time being, his future does not lie in the coffee shop industry. He’s talkative whilst he makes his order - latte, lots of milk - but Shiwon doesn’t really mind, because Donghae seems to have a nice smile.
And after that, Donghae comes in almost regularly, when Shiwon’s working. He always makes a point to stop and talk to Shiwon, and, surprisingly, Shiwon always finds himself talking back to him.
This goes on for about a week before Shiwon decides to ask Donghae out somewhere. Not with any particular indecent intentions - though he wouldn’t complain if Donghae offered - but there was just something, some kind of spark there between them. It was like the time he’d first met Hyukjae, it might just be platonic, it might have been more, but it didn’t matter, because there was a spark there, something in Donghae that instantly appealed to Shiwon. And, plus, Donghae’s smile was really very nice.
Donghae’s fun. He’s talkative, but where Shiwon might have found this annoying in others, in Donghae he always finds it amusing, cute, even. And Donghae’s quite affectionate too, he finds out as well, not that he minds, because Shiwon’s a pretty physical guy himself. And Donghae’s a little strange, too, admittedly. He has a habit of just staring off into space for minutes on end, daydreaming. Shiwon also thinks that’s cute.
He likes getting to spend time with Donghae, he’s refreshing, a burst of fresh air. One day, when they’re laughing over cups of coffee - a different coffee shop, Shiwon doesn’t drink where he works - Shiwon absently finds himself thinking: I hope I get to keep him.
Hyukjae doesn’t get to meet Donghae for another few days after that. He’s heard mention of him, of course, from Shiwon, and wondered to himself if maybe this kid was Shiwon’s latest little fuck-toy, because that was all Shiwon ever had, fuck-toys. He’d also wondered how long this one would be sticking around for.
But it’s not until he comes home from work one evening that he actually gets to meet this Donghae. He and Shiwon are sitting on the floor in front of the television, playing a video game. Shiwon pouts as Donghae lets out a triumphant cry of victory. Apparently he’s won that round.
Hyukjae clears his throat, because neither has noticed him yet, and says, somewhat suspiciously, “Hey.”
Both look up at him, smiling. “Hey, Jae,” Shiwon greets him with a little wave.
Donghae bounces up from the floor to greet Hyukjae, a wide smile on his face. “Hi! You’re Hyukjae? I’m Donghae. Nice to meet you!”
Hyukjae stares at Donghae for a moment. He wants to dislike him, especially if Shiwon’s fucking him, but with that wide, cheerful smile and those open, honest eyes, Hyukjae finds that he really can’t bring himself to hate the guy. There seems to be this spark, this reaction, instantly between them both. Just like with Shiwon. And Hyukjae finds himself smiling back at Donghae.
*
Donghae quickly becomes a firm friend of the both of them, and it soon becomes obvious that he isn’t going anywhere. A few months down the line, and both Shiwon and Hyukjae are pretty attached to him. There’s just something about Donghae that appeals to them both. He’s like the missing piece to their puzzle, the bridge to the gap between Shiwon and Hyukjae.
But Hyukjae still finds it a little difficult sometimes to be around Donghae, especially if Shiwon is there too. Because he’s pretty sure they’re sleeping together, although if they are, it’s going on for a lot longer than usual; Shiwon never keeps anyone for more than a month.
One afternoon, it’s Hyukjae’s day off and Shiwon’s at work, so Hyukjae’s invited Donghae over to hang out. Donghae still lives with his parents, so he ends up spending a lot of time at their apartment instead. They’re just sitting on the couch, watching television as they eat the lunch they bought - neither could be bothered to cook - when Hyukjae finally gets up the nerve to ask him.
“Are you screwing Shiwon?”
Hyukjae doesn’t see the point in beating around the bush. His abruptness makes Donghae turn to look at him, staring in surprise. “Huh?”
“You, and Shiwon, are you fucking each other?” Perhaps there was no need for him to put it quite that way, but Hyukjae never could help but get a little hostile when it came to Shiwon.
Donghae stares for a moment longer, before he lets out an amused snort. He shakes his head, now giggling just a little. “No, no we’re not, at all.”
Hyukjae frowns a little at the laughter. He doesn’t know what’s so funny. “Have you?” It’s not his business … but he can’t help but ask.
“Nope.” Donghae’s laughter fades, but the smile still lingers on his face. “Not even once. Why, were you worried we were?”
Hyukjae looks away from Donghae. He doesn’t talk about Shiwon, to anyone. He wouldn’t even know where to start, or what to say, even if he did. “Course not,” he answers stiffly. His tone of voice clearly says he doesn’t want to take this conversation any further.
Donghae, easily distracted, says, “hey, are you gonna eat that? I’m starving!”
*
They both find it easy to get along with Donghae, to hang out and spend time with him, and they both enjoy it, together or separately. Hyukjae finds it a lot easier to be around them both once he’s learned they aren’t actually sleeping together. Although he’s sure it’s bound to happen at some point, he’s seen the way Shiwon looks at Donghae sometimes.
If he looked in the mirror, Hyukjae would have recognized the look on his own face sometimes too.
In the time they spend together and get to know each other, it becomes clear that Donghae really is the middle ground between them. His favourite movies are romance, but he likes action, and comedy. His favourite colour is purple, and although he favours dogs, he thinks kittens are absolutely adorable.
He shows Shiwon a picture of one for sale in the newspaper one day, squealing, and suggests Shiwon should buy it. Shiwon laughs and has to remind Donghae that all kittens grow into cats, and this puts Donghae off the idea.
*
A month later, Donghae appears at their door late one evening, a large gym bag in hand and the tears still wet on his cheeks. Shiwon’s the only one who is home - Hyukjae went out with some friends from work - and he pulls Donghae inside the apartment quickly.
“Hae, what’s wrong?” He’s instantly concerned. In the time they’ve known each other, Shiwon has only seen Donghae cry a few times, and only ever over certain movies. But this was clearly no movie. And the gym bag Donghae clutches in one hand - so tightly his knuckles turn white - is a somewhat obvious omen.
Donghae falls into Shiwon’s arms, bag falling to the floor, and he tells Shiwon what’s wrong, his voice thick with the effort to swallow back more of his tears.
He explains how his parents kicked him out of the house, earlier that evening.
“Why?” Shiwon’s clearly confused; he can’t imagine Donghae doing anything worth being kicked out of his home for.
Somewhat brokenly, eyes watering again, Donghae says, “I told them I was bi.”
Shiwon sighs and pulls Donghae over to the couch, where he continues to hold him tightly in his arms, trying to soothe and comfort him.
“I left a couple hours ago, actually, after Dad slammed the door in my face. I would have gone to a hotel, but I don’t have enough money on me. I didn’t know where else to go, I’m sorry.”
Shiwon shushes him quickly, shaking his head. “Don’t be stupid. You know you’re welcome here anytime. You don’t mind the couch, do you?”
Hyukjae comes home later that night to find Shiwon and Donghae curled up on the couch together. Then he sees a bag over in a corner of the living room.
Shiwon explains the situation to Hyukjae quickly. He doesn’t want to upset Donghae again, he’s already cried enough that evening.
“I’m sorry, Hyukjae, I don’t mean to put you guys out, but I didn’t know where else to go.”
Hyukjae shakes his head and moves to sit on the couch, on the other side of Donghae. He puts a hand comfortingly on Donghae’s shoulder and smiles at him. “Shut up. We wouldn’t want you to stay anywhere else.”
They give Donghae pillows and a blanket and leave him curled up on the couch that night to sleep. Neither Shiwon or Hyukjae are used to having someone else in their apartment - Hyukjae won’t let Shiwon bring anyone else back - so when they hear the sounds of someone moving around in the living room, they both get up to see what’s going on.
They find Donghae frantically searching through his gym bag. All his clothes are already strewn all about the floor, but he’s still searching, looking almost desperately.
“Donghae?” Hyukjae calls out, still sounding half asleep.
Donghae turns to look at them both, and he tells them, sounding rather distressed, “Cho, I can’t find him! I left him at home.”
They both just stare at Donghae for a moment, blinking in bewilderment, until it clicks what Donghae must be talking about. His teddy bear, he’s had it since he was three years old, his parents gave it to him.
“Come on, Hae.” Shiwon holds his hand out to Donghae, and after a moment, Donghae takes it. “You can sleep in with me tonight.”
Donghae sleeps in the bed with Shiwon that night. It’s plenty big enough for the both of them, his bed is big enough for three, but Donghae cuddles up close to Shiwon and holds him tight, almost using Shiwon as a replacement teddy bear. Shiwon doesn’t mind, though. He winds his own arms around Donghae and holds him just as close.
Shiwon seemed to have forgotten just how nice it was to have another warm body in the bed, someone to hold close and tight. And even though Donghae clings to him almost like a leech, and makes soft, little sniffling noises, Shiwon decides he doesn’t want to forget how good it feels to just sleep in a bed with another person.
*
Hyukjae makes breakfast for them all the next morning. Donghae sniffles over his orange juice. Apparently, his mother always used to fill up a glass of it for him too. Shiwon and Hyukjae both exchange a helpless look.
Shiwon has to work that morning, so it’s left to Hyukjae to keep Donghae occupied. Something that has suddenly become much more difficult than it used to be. Donghae is listless, vacant and unenthusiastic.
Hyukjae tries to get him to watch a movie, but Donghae can’t decide which one. Hyukjae suggests they go out somewhere, for lunch, or a walk, or anything; Donghae doesn’t really care, though. Hyukjae throws out all sorts of suggestions, but the only thing they end up doing is sitting on the couch, Donghae clutching at Hyukjae, face buried against Hyukjae’s chest as he tries so hard not to cry anymore. Men aren’t supposed to cry, his father always told him.
Just thinking about his father, and the things he’d said, tears a sob from Donghae’s throat. Hyukjae, somewhat awkwardly, pats Donghae on the back. “It’ll be alright,” he says, rather uselessly. What else is he supposed to say?
“What did I do wrong?” Donghae’s voice comes out a hoarse whisper, and Hyukjae can feel his fingers twist tighter in the material of his shirt. “Is it really that bad?”
Hyukjae’s glad - or at least he hopes - that Donghae’s questions are rhetorical, because he wouldn’t know how to answer them otherwise. He’d always been brought up to believe that homosexuality, in any form, was wrong, something to be frowned upon, a sin. And although he isn’t entirely immune to it himself, he still can’t quite see it as anything but wrong.
Of course, sometimes the sound of Shiwon’s voice; the taste of Shiwon’s lips; the feel of Shiwon’s touch, is enough to drown out the inner voices of his parents and priest, but the promise of eternal damnation and being cast from heaven is still never far from Hyukjae’s mind.
So he can’t really tell Donghae that it isn’t bad, wrong, because Hyukjae thinks it is, and that’s the last thing Donghae needs to hear right now.
“A-an-and,” Donghae continues, stumbling clumsily over his words, “it’s not as if there’s no hope I’ll ever have a wife and children! I just … I just like some guys, too.” There’s the sound of another sob, and then some sniffing, and then Hyukjae hears nothing but Donghae’s heavy breathing; but Donghae’s shoulders still shake in his arms.
“I’m sorry, Donghae,” Hyukjae whispers, because he can’t really think of anything else to say, even though he’s not sure what he’s apologising for. That Donghae’s parents kicked him out. That Donghae feels homosexual urges. That Hyukjae can’t help but still think it’s wrong. Or maybe he’s just sorry that he doesn’t know what to say.
*
Shiwon comes home from work one afternoon to find Donghae sitting on the floor by the apartment door, leaning back against the grey wall.
“Hae, what are you doing?” Shiwon asks as he unlocks the door and ushers Donghae inside. He’s clearly confused as to why Donghae was sitting outside in the hall.
“I went out for a bit. But no one was home when I got back, so I waited.” It’s actually the first time Donghae has left the apartment in the week since he’s been staying with them.
“How long were you waiting out there?”
“A couple hours.”
Shiwon groans and smacks his palm to his forehead. “I’m so sorry, Hae, I totally forgot you didn’t have a key! Come on, we’ll go get one cut for you.”
Donghae shakes his head quickly. “Oh no, don’t! I’m sorry, I’ll be out of your hair soon! As soon as I find a job and get some money together for a deposit … when I find a place, although if you want me gone sooner I can always -”
Shiwon interrupts Donghae’s babbling. “Hae, be quiet. We don’t want you gone at all. Now come with me and we’ll go get you your own key.”
*
Since Donghae started living with them a month ago, he’s spent almost every night sleeping in bed with Shiwon. At first, it’s just because he was too upset, and too lonely, to sleep on his own in the living room. But then it just starts to become habit, and turns into a bit of a routine. And Shiwon doesn’t mind, because he likes having another person in bed with him.
But this one night, Shiwon isn’t home. He went out earlier that evening with some friends, saying he wouldn’t be home until late. It's late, and there's no sign of Shiwon anytime soon, and Donghae just can't get himself to sleep. He’d tried sleeping on the couch, but he just felt so isolated. So he’d tried sleeping in Shiwon’s bed, but he could still smell Shiwon’s scent, thick on the pillows, and that had just made him feel lonely.
So, rubbing at his eyes sleepily, Donghae knocks on Hyukjae’s door softly. He knows Hyukjae is still awake, because he just heard him come back from the bathroom only a moment ago.
“Yeah?”
Donghae steps into the room quietly and shuts the door behind him. “Hyukjae …” he starts tentatively, nervously. “I can’t get to sleep.”
Hyukjae blinks into the darkness and wonders what to do. Shiwon never hesitates in inviting Donghae into his bed, hell, Shiwon doesn’t even invite Donghae anymore, it just happens.
It makes Hyukjae a little uncomfortable, for reasons he doesn’t want to even think about yet, but he can’t turn his friend away, not when Donghae needs him. Although the bitter voice in the back of Hyukjae’s mind tells him that Donghae only needs him because Shiwon isn’t there right now.
Throwing the covers back, Hyukjae finally says, “come on, get in.” He sounds like a parent that’s just given in against their will, though he can’t help but smile slightly when a moment later Donghae crawls into the bed and snuggles up against him.
Donghae certainly isn’t uncomfortable, and doesn’t seem to have any misgivings, about climbing into bed with him.
“Thanks, Hyuk,” Donghae whispers, because you always have to whisper in the dark. He rests his head on Hyukjae’s chest and wraps an arm around his waist, cuddling up even closer. “I’m really lucky to have you and Shiwon, you know. You’re both the best friends anyone could ask for.”
Hyukjae’s touched to hear that, and he’s glad it’s dark so that Donghae can’t see him. He finally gives in, because he can’t not when Donghae’s snuggling up so comfortably against him, and winds one of his own arms back around Donghae.
“We’re lucky to have you too,” he whispers back, unaware he’s tightening his hold, just a little, around Donghae. “Now will you go to sleep? Because I’m tired and have work in the morning.”
*
One afternoon, using his new key, Donghae comes home - it feels almost like home to him by now anyway - to find a present sitting for him on the couch. His eyes widen in surprise and he gasps a little as he walks over and picks it up.
It’s brown and brand new and its fur is so soft and there’s a pretty purple bow tied around its neck. He just stares at the bear in silent wonder for a moment. As he’s staring, warm arms slip around his waist from behind, and Donghae lets out a startled little noise.
Shiwon - and he knows its Shiwon because Donghae knows his scent - rests his chin on Donghae’s shoulder. Donghae can feel some of Shiwon’s hair tickle the side of his face ever so slightly.
“I know he’s not the same,” Shiwon tells him, and now Donghae can feel Shiwon’s breath tickle the side of his face. But he doesn’t mind. “And I know he won’t ever be the same as Cho, but he’s just as special, okay? Because I bought him for you. He needed a good home, and I knew you’d give it to him.” There’s an obvious smile in Shiwon’s voice, and if Donghae had turned his face just a little, he would have seen it. He doesn’t need to see it to feel it though.
A smile curves Donghae’s lips, a genuine, happy, smile, and Shiwon leans forward so that he can catch it properly. It’s the smile he’s been waiting - hoping - for.
Donghae turns in Shiwon’s arms so he can face him, eyes and smile both wide and happy. “Thank you, Shiwon,” he says, leaning forward to hug Shiwon tight. “Thank you so much.”
No, it’ll never be quite the same, but this one would be special too.
*
“Hey, why’d you leave the washing up for me to do? You knew it was -” Hyukjae’s words falter as he looks up and sees the expression on Donghae’s face as he comes through the door.
“Donghae, what’s wrong?”
Donghae comes over to sit on the couch beside Hyukjae, and he has to repeat his question before Donghae appears to actually hear him.
“I tried to see my mother today,” he finally says, voice quiet, soft.
Hyukjae sighs, but waits for Donghae to continue.
“It’s been a month and a half, Hyuk, you know that?” Donghae says. “A month and a half since they kicked me out. I thought … I thought that maybe by now she could have accepted it. If Dad wasn’t around to make her think what he did …” he trails off, and Hyukjae thinks he doesn’t need to hear anymore.
Donghae turns to look at him with his wide eyes, and they look hurt, so full of hurt, that Hyukjae almost aches for him.
“Do you know what she told me?” Donghae says after a pause, when he’s looked away from Hyukjae. He carries on without waiting for an answer. “She told me Donghwa was engaged. She said, ‘your brother’s making up for your mistakes.’”
Hyukjae leans forward, as if to comfort Donghae, but Donghae pulls away, shakes his head. “Don’t, don’t. I’ll just cry if you do. And Dad always told me men aren’t supposed to cry.” He doesn’t say it out loud, he doesn’t feel the need to, but Donghae can’t help but think to himself how he always ends up being the one to make the mistakes.
*
They take it in turns to play videogames, rotating it between the three of them. They have it all worked out who gets to play when, because playing with three people can be tricky. Donghae can usually always beat Shiwon, except at fighting games, when Shiwon beats all of them, but Hyukjae almost always beats Donghae, at everything but racing games, and Shiwon almost never dies before Hyukjae does at role-play games, unless Donghae is distracting him.
It’s funny whenever Shiwon loses, because he’ll pout and whine and throw a miniature temper tantrum, which just has Donghae laughing and Hyukjae rolling his eyes; he’s seen it all before. When Donghae loses, he tries to look sad and guilt them into letting him win; it never works, but Shiwon and Hyukjae both think he looks absolutely adorable. And when Hyukjae thinks he’s going to lose, he tries to bribe them with money. Shiwon will take the money, but not let Hyukjae win, and Donghae always smacks Shiwon on the arm and tells him it’s wrong, but then will ask in a loud whisper to split the money with him.
When they aren’t playing video games in their free time, Donghae or Shiwon have usually convinced the other two to watch a movie. They usually argue about what to watch for a good ten minutes, Donghae is usually the one to offer the compromising movie, or sometimes picking one that makes both Shiwon and Hyukjae groan with horror, and quickly agree to watch each other’s instead.
If they’re actually paying attention to the movie, because they don’t always, sometimes they mess and joke around and throw popcorn at each other; but when they’re paying attention, they sit on the couch together, Shiwon on one side of Donghae, Hyukjae on the other, and Shiwon will almost always have an arm wound around Donghae’s shoulders.
Sometimes this makes Hyukjae a little jealous, but then Donghae will turn to him and whisper some kind of comment about the movie into his ear, or reach out and run his fingers absently through Hyukjae’s hair - Donghae likes hair - and Hyukjae forgets to feel jealous.
And if they aren’t inside doing any of that or something else, then it’ll be because Hyukjae has convinced them to go outside, and have dragged them off to the park to kick a ball about and play soccer - though it’s hard with just three people - or do something else that’s outside.
No one ever gets a goal past Hyukjae, unless it’s a lucky shot, but Shiwon rarely ever makes a save, and never against Hyukjae. Donghae’s skills come in between them both.
In the two months Donghae’s been living with them, things have slid into a normal routine like this, and by now they’re all comfortable with it and settled and happy. Except maybe Hyukjae isn’t ever comfortable, or settled, or happy with the ongoing routine of Donghae still sleeping in Shiwon’s bed. He has a new bear and everything now, and he seems for the most part, to have gotten somewhat over his parent’s displeasure with him, and still Donghae crawls into bed beside Shiwon almost every night - unless Shiwon’s not home, and then he turns to Hyukjae.
Hyukjae wonders if he doesn’t like this one habit because he’s jealous of Shiwon; because he feels second best, second choice, or because he doesn’t want to be as comfortable in a bed with Donghae as he actually is.
He never mentions it though, and neither does Shiwon or Donghae. Apparently, they don’t seem to care about it like Hyukjae does.
*
“Doesn’t it irritate you?”
“Huh?” Donghae clearly has no idea what Hyukjae is talking about.
“Shiwon, and these dates he goes on, don’t they make you mad?”
Shiwon’s out on another date that night, which leaves Donghae and Hyukjae alone to entertain themselves.
Donghae frowns at Hyukjae. “No, why would they make me mad? Shiwon’s allowed to date.”
It’s probably because Hyukjae’s still convinced that something is going on between Shiwon and Donghae that he’s even saying any of this. Although Donghae had clearly said he and Shiwon weren’t doing anything together, Hyukjae doesn’t think so, at least not anymore. They had to be doing something! They shared a bed almost every night nowadays, for a start.
“Doesn’t his inability to commit irritate you?” It damn well irritates Hyukjae, and it has for a long time now. But the look on Donghae’s face shows he clearly isn’t concerned. Maybe he’s more open minded than Hyukjae, or maybe he’s telling the truth and not screwing Shiwon.
Donghae shrugs slightly. “No not really. Shiwon doesn’t have to commit to anyone.”
“But don’t you want him to?”
“Only if he wants to. It’s his life, it has nothing to do with me.” Donghae clearly doesn’t care about this like Hyukjae does, but then, Donghae hasn’t known, or lived with Shiwon for as long.
“You don’t think it’s wrong of him?” Hyukjae isn’t quite sure exactly what he’s trying to get at. Donghae’s opinions on Shiwon? Some kind of hint that he and Shiwon are more? Maybe something Shiwon might have told Donghae, one of those nights in bed, before they fell asleep? Or maybe he’s just taking the difficult route to let someone know his own feelings about it, because Hyukjae never really talks about it to anyone.
“Not if he’s happy with what he’s doing,” Donghae answers simply. “Besides, he’s hardly been out on any dates at all, recently. He’s slowing down.” Donghae lets out a slight laugh, “he must be getting old,” he jokes.
This is true enough though, Hyukjae realises. Shiwon has been out a lot less, in the past few weeks. It’s strange, and has Hyukjae sitting there, silently pondering the reasons why.
*
Shiwon and Hyukjae go out that night. It was Donghae’s suggestion, and at his insistence, that Shiwon spend more time with Hyukjae. They go out to a restaurant first. As they laugh together over their food Shiwon is struck by the sudden reminder of why Hyukjae is, and always was, his best friend. They could always laugh together, over something, anything.
After they eat they go out for a drink or few, and Hyukjae manages to get Shiwon to go up and have a go at the karaoke. In retaliation, Shiwon makes Hyukjae drink a double shot, before then sending him up to sing a song. Hyukjae’s a little drunk by then, and Shiwon is highly amused.
They’re both a little more than drunk by the time they end up making their way back home. It’s late, but not too late, and the streets are almost, but not quite, empty.
“Jae,” Shiwon says, slinging an arm over Hyukjae’s shoulders, which makes them both stumble a little. “This was fun, why don’t we do this more often?”
“You’re too busy, hanging out with Donghae.” Hyukjae sounds only a little bitter and resentful as he says this.
This information surprises Shiwon. He hadn’t even noticed how much time he’s been spending with Donghae, but as they make their way back to their apartment he realises that Hyukjae is right.
They get inside the apartment complex and make it up to the first floor before Shiwon stops them both. “I’m sorry I’ve been spending so much time with Donghae.” Shiwon sounds sincere as he speaks, honestly unaware of the situation until only a moment ago.
Hyukjae, surprised by this sudden acknowledgement, looks away and says nothing.
“I guess,” Shiwon continues, “I was just … a little infatuated with him.”
Hyukjae looks at him silently a moment, and turns to start walking up the stairs.
“Hyukjae.” Shiwon reaches out and grabs Hyukjae’s arm, pulls him back, turns to face him. “You’re still my best friend, you know.” He reaches up and holds Hyukjae’s face between his hands. “You always will be.”
He leans forward and presses his mouth to Hyukjae’s. It only takes a moment before Hyukjae is kissing him back. Smiling inwardly, Shiwon slips his tongue across Hyukjae’s lips, before slipping it inside his mouth.
After a moment, when Hyukjae becomes aware that Shiwon is slowly backing him up towards the wall, he pulls back, steps away from a surprised looking Shiwon.
“It’s a shame you only ever say or do these things when you’re drunk.”
Hyukjae turns back towards the stairs and makes his way up to their floor.
*
“Do you miss it? Just being the two of you?”
Shiwon, surprised by the question, looks up from the plate of food in front of him. “What?”
Averting his eyes, Donghae fidgets a little in his seat, repeating his question. “Do you miss it just being you and Hyukjae?”
Shiwon doesn’t hesitate with his answer. “You’re an idiot sometimes, Hae.” Reaching over, he pats Donghae’s hand affectionately, smiling. “I’ve already told you a dozen times before; you’re more than welcome to stay with us.”
Donghae looks up at Shiwon. “I know but … sometimes I feel like I’m interfering, getting in the way, you know?”
It seems clear to Shiwon that this has been bothering Donghae for some time now, which is probably why Donghae had taken him out for lunch in the first place.
“What has Hyukjae been saying to you?”
Donghae looks a little confused. “Huh? He hasn’t said anything to me.”
Oh. Shiwon shrugs and smiles at him. “See? Then there isn’t a problem. Besides, we both like having you around. Don’t even think about it.” As if to put an end to the topic Shiwon continues eating his food, and Donghae soon follows suit.
Shiwon can’t help but continue to think about it though. He doesn’t see Donghae as interfering, he never has, but after the things Hyukjae said to him the other day, Shiwon wonders if perhaps that’s the way Hyukjae sees things. Which would be completely stupid if he did, because Donghae living with them is no reason to affect Shiwon and Hyukjae’s friendship, not really. And besides that, Hyukjae’s friends with Donghae as well, and he’s just as happy to have him living with them as Shiwon is.
Shiwon’s not entirely sure what’s going on with Hyukjae, but he soon dismisses it from his mind and quickly forgets about it completely, because Donghae’s making jokes and playing around with his food, making Shiwon laugh.
It can’t be all that important, anyway, whatever’s going on in Hyukjae’s mind.
*
Donghae kissed Hyukjae for the first time two nights ago. It was during one of those nights when Donghae was sharing his bed. Donghae never slept on the couch, and it had apparently become pretty normal for him to crawl into bed with either Shiwon or Hyukjae.
It wasn’t, however, normal for Donghae to kiss Hyukjae, except he did, two nights ago.
It had been a normal enough evening, Shiwon had been out with friends, and after eating dinner, playing video games for awhile and watching a movie (Donghae had begged to watch it) they’d gone to bed, Donghae climbing in next to Hyukjae.
And even then it had still been normal, the both of them talking about nothings in between sleepy silences.
It had been during one of those sleepy silences when Donghae had done it. It had been a pretty quick kiss, he’d just leant over, found Hyukjae’s face in the dark, and pressed their lips together, briefly but firmly, before whispering a very normal “night, Hyuk,” and settling down to sleep.
Hyukjae had laid there for what felt like hours, stunned and surprised. What in the hell had happened? Sure, Donghae's affectionate, all the time, but he’s never given kisses before.
Maybe it was just Donghae being affectionate. But Hyukjae had been unable to bring himself to ask about it. How did you bring up something like that, anyway? ‘Oh, Donghae, I was just wondering, why’d you kiss me?’ Yeah, maybe not.
Whatever the reason, it had Hyukjae thinking. Maybe it was about time Donghae thought about getting a place of his own? He had been staying with them for awhile after all. But, of course, Donghae couldn’t move out until he found himself a job, and got some money together. Maybe Hyukjae should bring up the subject of Donghae getting a job. Would Donghae get the idea then?
“Oh, there you are.” Donghae’s sudden appearance pulls Hyukjae out of the same thoughts that have been circling his head for days.
“Since Shiwon’s not going to be home for awhile, I thought maybe we should go out and eat tonight, just the two of us.”
Donghae’s smile is that same warm, cheerful smile that he always has, and Hyukjae finds himself smiling back; it’s so easy to do.
“Where did you have in mind?”
“Actually, I already called and made reservations at that Chinese place you like.”
Perhaps Hyukjae had been thinking a little too rashly before. When he’s actually around Donghae, and he did thoughtful things like this, Hyukjae never thinks of asking him to move out. It doesn’t even bother him to know that he’ll be the one paying for this nice meal out.
He realises then that he doesn’t really want to have Donghae leave, anyway. He likes having the other man around. Really likes it. Maybe that’s why he thought of it in the first place, maybe Hyukjae thinks he likes Donghae too much, and maybe that scares him. Maybe. But he doesn’t think of any of that. He just smiles back at his friend and grabs his coat.
“You know, you’re a good friend, Hae,” Hyukjae tells him as they leave the apartment. It’s not often Hyukjae says things like that, he usually finds it difficult to, but it feels right to say this to Donghae now. “I don’t care what your parents think; you’re a really great guy.”
For just a moment Hyukjae wonders if mentioning his parents will upset Donghae, but he just smiles, as if Hyukjae has given him the best present ever, and he looks so happy.
*
It’s Shiwon who kisses Donghae for the first time. In the kitchen; it was Shiwon’s turn to do the washing up and Donghae had offered to help.
“Hey, wait, you’ve got bubbles on your face.” Shiwon reaches out and gently wipes the bubbles from Donghae’s cheek with a towel. “There.”
Donghae laughs and rubs at his cheek. “Thanks.”
For a moment Shiwon just looks at Donghae, a smile on his face. “You are so cute,” he says affectionately. Before Donghae can even respond, Shiwon leans over and kisses him on the mouth.
Donghae doesn’t seem to mind, so Shiwon does it again, a little harder this time, one of his hands coming up to cup the back of Donghae’s head. His fingers are still wet from washing up.
If Shiwon could have smiled, he would have, as Donghae starts to kiss him back. Donghae can’t really help himself though, Shiwon’s lips just feel so nice, and he’s a good kisser. A really good kisser. Donghae feels as if he might just melt against Shiwon.
Feeling this is going nicely, Shiwon slides his tongue over Donghae’s lower lip, almost teasingly. He can faintly taste the strawberries Donghae had for dessert.
Then, to Shiwon’s surprise, and somewhat dismay, Donghae pulls back. He is happy, however, to note how Donghae’s cheeks are now pleasantly flushed with colour.
“Uh … what was that for?”
Shiwon smiles at him, amused now. “Because I wanted to. Why, didn’t you like it?”
Donghae shakes his head. “It was nice, just surprising.”
“Good. Then you won’t mind if I do it again sometime?” Shiwon still smiles as he pulls his hand out from Donghae’s hair, patting him briefly on the cheek. Donghae really is just so cute, with his wide, dark eyes, flushed cheeks, rosy lips and the now somewhat shy look on his face. Looking at him, Shiwon is struck with this sudden urge for Donghae.
Perhaps Donghae can see some of that in Shiwon’s face, which might explain why he suddenly looks a little nervous.
“Uh, okay. I’m gonna go see what Hyukjae’s up to.”
Shiwon still has the same amused smile on his face as he watches Donghae leave.
*
Donghae comes bouncing into the apartment one evening like a rabbit on drugs. He has the biggest smile on his face, and before either Hyukjae or Shiwon can enquire about this obviously cheerful nature, Donghae excitedly exclaims, “I got a job today!”
“That’s great, Hae! Where at?” Shiwon comes over and pats Donghae on the back.
Hyukjae grins and gives him a thumbs up. “Awesome.”
Still beaming, Donghae says, “There’s this pet store, and they had a vacancy. I applied for it a couple of weeks ago, actually. Anyway, they called me back for an interview, and told me today I had the job!”
“You applied that long ago? Why didn’t you say anything?” Hyukjae asks.
“Oh, well, I just didn’t want to get any hopes up, in case I didn’t get it.”
“Well, you did get it, and this is something to celebrate, right, Hyukjae? Let’s go out somewhere.”
Donghae’s smile widens, if that’s even possible, and he beams from ear to ear as Hyukjae gets their coats for them.
“You sure you have enough money though, Shiwon? You know how much food Donghae can pack away,” Hyukjae jokes, poking him teasingly in the stomach.
“Hey! At least I eat! We’re not all as picky as you are.”
Laughing, Shiwon says, “actually, Jae, I was going to let you pay tonight, so Hae, eat as much as you like.”
They continue to joke and tease each other all evening, even during their meal. It turns into a good night out, they all have fun just hanging out and laughing about stupid stuff together. All of them at one point that night are clearly reminded of just why they’re all such good friends, most of the time.
After they eat, and Shiwon does end up paying for it, though Donghae insists he’ll pay for things too now that he has a job, they decide to go out for a drink, because no one quite wants the evening to end just yet.
It’s getting cold outside, because it’s October, so they’re all bundled up and making their way to the bar as quickly as they can.
“Hey, wait,” Donghae stops them. “Wait, we should take a picture!” It seems a strange moment to stop and take a picture, but Donghae’s adamant and already pulling his phone out of his pocket.
“Now?” Hyukjae asks.
“Yes, come on!” In between them both, Donghae tugs on their arms to pull them closer. “I don’t have enough pictures of the three of us, you know.”
Shiwon slings his arm over Donghae’s shoulders and Donghae winds an arm around Hyukjae’s waist, making sure the three of them all fit into the screen.
“Smile!” Donghae instructs, taking the picture a moment later. They all smile, and the picture actually comes out quite nicely. It’s almost like a snapshot of what the three of them could - can - be.
Then, Donghae’s laughing and pulling away from them both as he calls out, “race you guys to the bar!” It’s a good thing the bar isn’t very far away, because all three of them end up running there. Despite Donghae’s head start, he’s the shortest of them so he ends up coming last, and although Shiwon is by far the tallest, Hyukjae’s the most fit of the three, and beats them both. His prize is a drink each from Shiwon and Donghae, with Donghae promising to pay Shiwon back for it since he doesn’t have any money on him.
The fun night continues as they all drink probably a little more than they should, especially Donghae who never drinks much and never drank before meeting Shiwon, and has rather a low tolerance for alcohol.
“Back in a minute,” he laughs, leaving for what has to be the tenth time for the bathroom.
Shiwon watches him leave, laughing, clearly amused. “You think we should tell him that one was a double instead of a single?” He says, turning to look at Hyukjae. But Hyukjae isn’t laughing.
“Hyukjae?”
“I can see the way you look at him, you know.” Hyukjae wasn’t planning on saying this, but the drinks he’s had make it a little difficult for him to think properly.
Shiwon is confused. “What?”
“Donghae. I’ve seen the way you look at him lately. I know what’s on your mind.”
“Oh, and what’s on my mind, Hyukjae?” Shiwon doesn’t sound so confused anymore.
“You want to fuck him,” Hyukjae answers bluntly. The alcohol really is freeing his tongue quite a bit. “You want to do what you always do, try him out, fuck him, have your fun and move on to the next person.” He looks disgusted as he says this, after all, how many times has Hyukjae seen Shiwon do this now? “But Donghae’s your friend, and he’s my friend too. I won’t let you mess him around like that.”
Shiwon looks less than happy to have Hyukjae tell him what he can or cannot do. “What if he was up for it, too? You gonna stop Donghae from doing what he wants?”
Hyukjae frowns at him. “You are not going to fuck him up, Shiwon. Remember how long it took him to smile again after the shit with his parents? Leave him out of your selfish sex games.”
All traces of a smile are gone from Shiwon’s face as he leans in closer to Hyukjae. “You sound like you’re jealous, Jae. You want Donghae too?”
Shiwon is about to say more but that’s when Donghae returns from the bathroom, slipping back into his seat in between the two. He slings an arm around each of their shoulders, looking from Hyukjae to Shiwon and back again. “I am so lucky to have friends as great as you two,” he somewhat drunkenly, and cheerfully, slurs at them. “You’re the best friends a guy could ask for!”
Funny, but right at that moment, neither Shiwon nor Hyukjae feels much like a great friend.
---
part two