[fic]
title: The Trouble With Secrets
fandom: Super Junior
pairing: Shiwon/Hyukjae
notes: This is the completed and fixed up version of how this should have turned out. Considerably longer, but equally lame 8D for aconite, happy birthday!!
It was supposed to be a secret. Supposed being the emphasis. And Hyukjae had no idea how his secret had turned into….well, into whatever this even was. Oh, dear God.
At first, it was a secret that he hadn’t even let himself in on. It was just that…secretive; and maybe a little embarrassing. Until it became far too obvious even for Hyukjae’s conscious mind to disregard and ignore.
And then, well, he’d tried broaching the subject to someone else, and maybe that was where it all started, although Hyukjae still couldn’t see it. There was nothing particularly startling or revealing or secretive about telling Sungmin that maybe he wanted to try and work out a little more. “Kind of like Shiwon. You know?”
He hadn’t thought anything more of it after that, to be honest. Even when Heechul, who was passing by one afternoon, had stopped, burst out into harsh, braying laughter, pointed at Hyukjae and walked out the door, still laughing. Really, that could have been about anything, so Hyukjae had shrugged it away and forgotten about it.
And then there had been Donghae. Who, by a general well-known and lived by rule, was always a little…odd. But when he came into Hyukjae’s room and gave him a long, knowing look and said, “I know how you feel. I think about it sometimes, too,” he sounded like he was commiserating with Hyukjae. He’d even given Hyukjae’s shoulder one of those awkward, meant-to-comfort, squeezes. Hyukjae hit him in the head with a pillow, because really, how else was one supposed to respond to something like that?
It wasn’t until Hankyung all but cornered him in the dance studio, one evening during a break from rehearsal, that Hyukjae really started to worry.
“Shiwon-ah, he is very well, you know-”
Hyukjae had no idea what Hankyung had actually been about to say, but the look of concentration upon his face had not passed him by, and he thought it best to interrupt him as soon as possible.
The back of his neck suddenly felt very, very hot, and Hyukjae quickly cut Hankyung off with a too loud, “Hey, will you show me that last dance move again?”
Whatever had almost been said about Shiwon, Hyukjae had decided it was simply best that he not know. Ever. Even if it did mean he had to lie. A rather obvious lie, at that. But it was for the greater good of his own sanity, Hyukjae was sure.
But it wasn’t until Yehsung, leering at him over the back of the couch, had said something about chocolate and something else Hyukjae was glad not to have heard, that it really clicked.
“What have you been telling people?” He demanded, charging into the kitchen. Although ‘helplessly whined’ was probably a closer description to the tone of his words than ‘demanded’.
Sungmin, looking terribly innocent as he chewed his cereal, shrugged a shoulder and said, sounding as innocent as he looked, “nothing, really. It might have slipped out somewhere about you and the working out thing. Why?”
Hyukjae stared in dismay. “You have milk on your chin,” he said, and walked off. He was never going to tell anyone anything. Ever, ever, again.
This feeling was reinforced, ten-fold, on the way back to the dorm one night after the radio show. Eeteuk looked at him, and it was one of those Eeteuk looks, the one where it looked as if he knew every single little thing currently going on inside Hyukjae’s head. Hyukjae decided, right then and there, that he hated that Eeteuk look about as much as he hated Sungmin’s innocent look. They were both right up there.
“So,” Eeteuk started, look still on his face, “I hear from Donghae that you-”
Hyukjae thought that maybe he just wanted to die.
“It’s not true! Donghae lies. Don’t believe a word of it!” And Hyukjae had spent the rest of the ride home trying to ignore Eeteuk. And the rest of his life. Forever.
But all of that was nothing, nothing, compared to right now. With Shiwon, who was standing right in front of Hyukjae, making him feel helplessly trapped and cornered, even though they were out in the very open middle of the living room. Maybe it was a skill, making other people feel trapped even in wide open spaces. It must have been, because there was no other explanation for why Hyukjae felt trapped and cornered like he did. Damn, why did Shiwon have so many talents? It simply wasn’t fair.
“So, uh.” Shiwon cleared his throat, and the sound almost made Hyukjae jump.
He wasn’t nervous. Or anything. Maybe a little tense, but that was thanks to all his absolutely irritating and terrible band members. Not because suddenly being so close - and ‘close’ was actually over a metre away - to Shiwon was making him feel…things. That he wasn’t feeling, or even thinking about. Or something.
“Uh…?” Hyukjae replied, rather eloquently too, he thought, considering.
Shiwon smiled sheepishly and rubbed the back of his neck. The pause stretched into something that was a little too awkward for comfort, until Hyukjae realised that he had become kind of transfixed by Shiwon’s dimple.
Cheeks flushing, he looked away, anywhere, at anything, that wasn’t Shiwon, who, come to think of it, was still far too good-looking and endearing even when painfully embarrassed and awkward, and that wasn’t fair, either. Why did he get to look so good, when Hyukjae, he was sure, looked so stupid?
Some people seemed to just have it all.
Shiwon cleared his throat again, looked at Hyukjae, averted his gaze, and looked at him again. “So, uh, Donghae told me something interesting, the other day.”
Those were just about the worst words to use, ever, when starting a conversation. And the words that Hyukjae wanted to hear least right now. He would have to beat Donghae up later, he really would. If he survived total and utter mortification. It was quite fatal, so he had heard.
“Donghae lies.”
“Uh, well,” and Shiwon laughed, one of those awkward, tense little laughs. And damn if it wasn’t still cute. There was something terribly wrong with Shiwon, Hyukjae was almost sure. “Sungmin told me a similar thing, too. And Kangin. Oh, and, uh, Heechul mentioned something, too, and I just….uh. Hyukjae? Are you alright?”
Hyukjae was making a noise that sounded a lot like a dying llama. Not that he knew what a dying llama actually sounded like, but that was not the point.
“You’re not sick, are you?” Shiwon asked, taking several steps closer, peering in obvious concern at Hyukjae, who was trying to hide behind his hands. It wasn’t working very well.
Hyukjae shook his head. He took several deep, calming, breaths, except they didn’t have any kind of calming effect on him whatsoever. He pulled his hands away and looked at Shiwon, and then at the hand that was on his arm. Shiwon’s hand, that was on his arm. It was warm, even through his shirt sleeve.
He kind of wanted to die. Please.
“Oh, good.” Shiwon still looked quite concerned, though. If Hyukjae could have seen his own face, he would have felt concerned, too. “Well, uh. Anyway, thing is. When they told me, well. I kind of…”
Hyukjae was not staring at the way Shiwon looked just then, biting somewhat anxiously on his lower lip. No, he was not. Which was exactly why he was going to open his mouth, right about now and set Shiwon straight on this whole entire thing and just tell him what had really been going on.
Except Hyukjae didn’t speak, didn’t even open his mouth, because he was staring.
“Well, just. Me too. I mean, uh. Yeah. Me, too.”
Blinking, somewhat confused, but mostly stunned (and, alright, hiding behind the mortification was a feeling of secretly really, really quite happy) Hyukjae decided that maybe it was best not to set Shiwon straight after all. The hand on his arm was very warm, and it was rather a nice sensation.
And really, it wasn’t particularly important for Shiwon to know that Hyukjae had simply been jealous of his muscles, was it?
- end -
8D;; I'm sorry I fail, this still feels messy to me but I promised you an ending so here it is 8D? Happy birthday 8D;; ♥!
fandom: Super Junior
pairing: Shiwon/Hyukjae
notes: This is the completed and fixed up version of how this should have turned out. Considerably longer, but equally lame 8D for aconite, happy birthday!!
It was supposed to be a secret. Supposed being the emphasis. And Hyukjae had no idea how his secret had turned into….well, into whatever this even was. Oh, dear God.
At first, it was a secret that he hadn’t even let himself in on. It was just that…secretive; and maybe a little embarrassing. Until it became far too obvious even for Hyukjae’s conscious mind to disregard and ignore.
And then, well, he’d tried broaching the subject to someone else, and maybe that was where it all started, although Hyukjae still couldn’t see it. There was nothing particularly startling or revealing or secretive about telling Sungmin that maybe he wanted to try and work out a little more. “Kind of like Shiwon. You know?”
He hadn’t thought anything more of it after that, to be honest. Even when Heechul, who was passing by one afternoon, had stopped, burst out into harsh, braying laughter, pointed at Hyukjae and walked out the door, still laughing. Really, that could have been about anything, so Hyukjae had shrugged it away and forgotten about it.
And then there had been Donghae. Who, by a general well-known and lived by rule, was always a little…odd. But when he came into Hyukjae’s room and gave him a long, knowing look and said, “I know how you feel. I think about it sometimes, too,” he sounded like he was commiserating with Hyukjae. He’d even given Hyukjae’s shoulder one of those awkward, meant-to-comfort, squeezes. Hyukjae hit him in the head with a pillow, because really, how else was one supposed to respond to something like that?
It wasn’t until Hankyung all but cornered him in the dance studio, one evening during a break from rehearsal, that Hyukjae really started to worry.
“Shiwon-ah, he is very well, you know-”
Hyukjae had no idea what Hankyung had actually been about to say, but the look of concentration upon his face had not passed him by, and he thought it best to interrupt him as soon as possible.
The back of his neck suddenly felt very, very hot, and Hyukjae quickly cut Hankyung off with a too loud, “Hey, will you show me that last dance move again?”
Whatever had almost been said about Shiwon, Hyukjae had decided it was simply best that he not know. Ever. Even if it did mean he had to lie. A rather obvious lie, at that. But it was for the greater good of his own sanity, Hyukjae was sure.
But it wasn’t until Yehsung, leering at him over the back of the couch, had said something about chocolate and something else Hyukjae was glad not to have heard, that it really clicked.
“What have you been telling people?” He demanded, charging into the kitchen. Although ‘helplessly whined’ was probably a closer description to the tone of his words than ‘demanded’.
Sungmin, looking terribly innocent as he chewed his cereal, shrugged a shoulder and said, sounding as innocent as he looked, “nothing, really. It might have slipped out somewhere about you and the working out thing. Why?”
Hyukjae stared in dismay. “You have milk on your chin,” he said, and walked off. He was never going to tell anyone anything. Ever, ever, again.
This feeling was reinforced, ten-fold, on the way back to the dorm one night after the radio show. Eeteuk looked at him, and it was one of those Eeteuk looks, the one where it looked as if he knew every single little thing currently going on inside Hyukjae’s head. Hyukjae decided, right then and there, that he hated that Eeteuk look about as much as he hated Sungmin’s innocent look. They were both right up there.
“So,” Eeteuk started, look still on his face, “I hear from Donghae that you-”
Hyukjae thought that maybe he just wanted to die.
“It’s not true! Donghae lies. Don’t believe a word of it!” And Hyukjae had spent the rest of the ride home trying to ignore Eeteuk. And the rest of his life. Forever.
But all of that was nothing, nothing, compared to right now. With Shiwon, who was standing right in front of Hyukjae, making him feel helplessly trapped and cornered, even though they were out in the very open middle of the living room. Maybe it was a skill, making other people feel trapped even in wide open spaces. It must have been, because there was no other explanation for why Hyukjae felt trapped and cornered like he did. Damn, why did Shiwon have so many talents? It simply wasn’t fair.
“So, uh.” Shiwon cleared his throat, and the sound almost made Hyukjae jump.
He wasn’t nervous. Or anything. Maybe a little tense, but that was thanks to all his absolutely irritating and terrible band members. Not because suddenly being so close - and ‘close’ was actually over a metre away - to Shiwon was making him feel…things. That he wasn’t feeling, or even thinking about. Or something.
“Uh…?” Hyukjae replied, rather eloquently too, he thought, considering.
Shiwon smiled sheepishly and rubbed the back of his neck. The pause stretched into something that was a little too awkward for comfort, until Hyukjae realised that he had become kind of transfixed by Shiwon’s dimple.
Cheeks flushing, he looked away, anywhere, at anything, that wasn’t Shiwon, who, come to think of it, was still far too good-looking and endearing even when painfully embarrassed and awkward, and that wasn’t fair, either. Why did he get to look so good, when Hyukjae, he was sure, looked so stupid?
Some people seemed to just have it all.
Shiwon cleared his throat again, looked at Hyukjae, averted his gaze, and looked at him again. “So, uh, Donghae told me something interesting, the other day.”
Those were just about the worst words to use, ever, when starting a conversation. And the words that Hyukjae wanted to hear least right now. He would have to beat Donghae up later, he really would. If he survived total and utter mortification. It was quite fatal, so he had heard.
“Donghae lies.”
“Uh, well,” and Shiwon laughed, one of those awkward, tense little laughs. And damn if it wasn’t still cute. There was something terribly wrong with Shiwon, Hyukjae was almost sure. “Sungmin told me a similar thing, too. And Kangin. Oh, and, uh, Heechul mentioned something, too, and I just….uh. Hyukjae? Are you alright?”
Hyukjae was making a noise that sounded a lot like a dying llama. Not that he knew what a dying llama actually sounded like, but that was not the point.
“You’re not sick, are you?” Shiwon asked, taking several steps closer, peering in obvious concern at Hyukjae, who was trying to hide behind his hands. It wasn’t working very well.
Hyukjae shook his head. He took several deep, calming, breaths, except they didn’t have any kind of calming effect on him whatsoever. He pulled his hands away and looked at Shiwon, and then at the hand that was on his arm. Shiwon’s hand, that was on his arm. It was warm, even through his shirt sleeve.
He kind of wanted to die. Please.
“Oh, good.” Shiwon still looked quite concerned, though. If Hyukjae could have seen his own face, he would have felt concerned, too. “Well, uh. Anyway, thing is. When they told me, well. I kind of…”
Hyukjae was not staring at the way Shiwon looked just then, biting somewhat anxiously on his lower lip. No, he was not. Which was exactly why he was going to open his mouth, right about now and set Shiwon straight on this whole entire thing and just tell him what had really been going on.
Except Hyukjae didn’t speak, didn’t even open his mouth, because he was staring.
“Well, just. Me too. I mean, uh. Yeah. Me, too.”
Blinking, somewhat confused, but mostly stunned (and, alright, hiding behind the mortification was a feeling of secretly really, really quite happy) Hyukjae decided that maybe it was best not to set Shiwon straight after all. The hand on his arm was very warm, and it was rather a nice sensation.
And really, it wasn’t particularly important for Shiwon to know that Hyukjae had simply been jealous of his muscles, was it?
- end -
8D;; I'm sorry I fail, this still feels messy to me but I promised you an ending so here it is 8D? Happy birthday 8D;; ♥!