Jul 13, 2003 23:28
God damn I am so in love with Nick....I wish I wouldn't be so scared sometimes. This past week has been...none too pretty for him. I feel bad. It makes me cry, I make myself cry over nothing. And, then I just ruin things. But, things got better, I don't know how or why. Maybe because I told myself that I am just going to let go. Kori told me last night that life is about taking risks and falling in love. AND I AM SO IN LOVE. I can't believe I am saying this...but it's true.
I cry because I am happy.
So I let go today. And it felt great.
We went camping last night. We hiked. We went to this waterfall and it was beautiful. Anyways, I wanted to climb up to the top. Kori was about half-way there and Nick already had climbed to the top because he's part monkey. Hahaha. I wanted to go to the top, but I am such a wuss sometimes. BUT I MADE IT! I was so happy....I could've bursted with joy 5,000 times!
After that I told myself I could accomplish anything...it wasn't even that hard of a climb either. Afterwards Nick said he didn't think I could do it, WOW Did I prove him wrong! It felt nice. Ha, that sounds mean, but...I think I wanted to prove something to him. Yeah, that still sounds bad.
Anyways, after I had climbed up it, I knew I had to be brave with my relationship with Nick. It's not fair to him for me to be afraid. What am I afraid of anyways? There is no reason for me to be scared...So I am no longer going to hold back, no longer going to dwell on bad, no longer be scared, no longer hide, no longer be sad. I love Nick. God, he makes me happy.