(no subject)
I find myself going back and forth a lot...
My life feels cyclical, and my heart feels as if it is on a bungee cord.
Up and down, back and forth, forward but going nowhere...
Is it better to fight depression and try to overcome it? Or is it better to give in and let it run its course?
Does it even have a "course" that will run itself out?
I am not ok.
I wish I could go back to not feeling so much. I wish I could remember how I blocked out so much and simply ignored the rest. I may have never felt fantastic or anything like that, but I never felt quite so shitty either. People seem so happy that I had finally come to terms with the fact that I have emotions, that I feel, all those things... and some good came of it. But now, and for the last while, I have simply wanted to turn off once again, blank out, shut down. Depression is no new thing to me, but it has never been this draining. Half the time I try to find a way to deal with it, and sometimes that works, but it always seems to be so damn temporary that it is almost not worth it. I feel alone quite often, and I have felt like breaking down more often in the past month or so than I have in my life previous to that time.
Suffice to say, I am at a loss...
My life feels cyclical, and my heart feels as if it is on a bungee cord.
Up and down, back and forth, forward but going nowhere...
Is it better to fight depression and try to overcome it? Or is it better to give in and let it run its course?
Does it even have a "course" that will run itself out?
I am not ok.
I wish I could go back to not feeling so much. I wish I could remember how I blocked out so much and simply ignored the rest. I may have never felt fantastic or anything like that, but I never felt quite so shitty either. People seem so happy that I had finally come to terms with the fact that I have emotions, that I feel, all those things... and some good came of it. But now, and for the last while, I have simply wanted to turn off once again, blank out, shut down. Depression is no new thing to me, but it has never been this draining. Half the time I try to find a way to deal with it, and sometimes that works, but it always seems to be so damn temporary that it is almost not worth it. I feel alone quite often, and I have felt like breaking down more often in the past month or so than I have in my life previous to that time.
Suffice to say, I am at a loss...