I have been abandoned.
It’s for the best, you see. I was asking for love and attention. I was asking for a willingness that was unacceptable for me to ask for and in doing so, I caused trouble and discomfort.
So you see, it’s for the best. I should have self abandoned long ago, before putting all these unreasonable expectations on people to love me. To accept me.
It used to be enough that I loved myself. It took me so long just to get there. I should have been happy enough with that, knowing how hard it would be for someone else to do it.
But now I’ve let myself not only want someone else’s love but I’ve let myself get so far as actually expecting them to love me. Believing them when they said they’d love me forever.
They all said that.
An impossible task.
Once I realized my own mother wasn’t able to “mother” me, I should have understood then. It’s just not in the cards for me.
It’s not something I can afford to expect, being held like there might not be anything more valuable. Being told quietly but sincerely that I’m perfect, when we know I’m not. Being grateful for my existence when there’s a million others, better than me.
It’s just a dream I got from somewhere. Where did that idea come from? Who ever told me I could expect to feel so special?
It’s their fault I’m abandoned. They should have been strong enough to tell me the truth.
No one deserves love unless you earn it. There’s nothing special or unique about you over anyone else.
If you want someone’s love, bring something to the table to bargain with, otherwise you’re just begging.
So you see, it’s for the best. I should have self abandoned long ago, before putting all these unreasonable expectations on people to love me. To accept me.
It used to be enough that I loved myself. It took me so long just to get there. I should have been happy enough with that, knowing how hard it would be for someone else to do it.
But now I’ve let myself not only want someone else’s love but I’ve let myself get so far as actually expecting them to love me. Believing them when they said they’d love me forever.
They all said that.
An impossible task.
Once I realized my own mother wasn’t able to “mother” me, I should have understood then. It’s just not in the cards for me.
It’s not something I can afford to expect, being held like there might not be anything more valuable. Being told quietly but sincerely that I’m perfect, when we know I’m not. Being grateful for my existence when there’s a million others, better than me.
It’s just a dream I got from somewhere. Where did that idea come from? Who ever told me I could expect to feel so special?
It’s their fault I’m abandoned. They should have been strong enough to tell me the truth.
No one deserves love unless you earn it. There’s nothing special or unique about you over anyone else.
If you want someone’s love, bring something to the table to bargain with, otherwise you’re just begging.