(no subject)
i cant sit up here n pretend im not happy cuz i am. but once in awhile ya just feel kinda down. today i was out with my dad n step mom n went to this family thing. real chill juts sittin n talkin. i was sittin there just thinkin about mad shit for some reason. i started to think about her and just some stuff. i started to wonder what she was doing, how she was doing and what was new in her life. its not easy to just pick up the phone n be like "hey wassup!" cuz things arent the same anymore. and neevr will be. i dont kno if this is true but i feel as if her life is going on alot smoother without me in it. i wonder if she still thinks about me. i wonder alota stuff.
then i started to think about jasmine. n what coulda been if i wasnt with her then. i kno shes fallin for her new chick and im real happy for her! im happy when shes happy. she deserves nuthing but the best in the world. shes a real genuine girl. hopefully ill get to see her soon. shes oneof my closest friends.
right now lea and i are not together. we do not see each other everyday and we no longer fight over dumb shit, or fight at all. no matter what that girl will always be my baby. no matter how much she pisses me off, no matter what she says to me, or has said n done in the past. i just wish i woulda have met her later in my life. right now im not ready for what shes ready for. i still wanna date n be foolish. shes ready to get married n do the rest of our lives together type shit. she knows im not down for it. lol plus im not the wifey type. im too spontaneous, wild, and at times just unbarable. she puts up wih it tho... i give her that much. i cheated on her, told her i didnt regret it and she still wants me. thats a down ass bitch right there.
i dont know whats gunna happen with us 2. i really dont kno. i kno for a fact no one wil ever love me as much as that girl does. no one in life. shes a crazy bitch tho.
i dunno whats goin on right now. my heart, and mind are sayign so many different things. i wana shut them both OFF. Off off off! I need to find a job. I need to shop n relieve stress lol. Orientation is soon. I CANT FUCKING WAIT!!
i miss jose. alot. jess is back!!! yes!
Manhattan trip coming soon! Toronto trip coming soon! California here i come!