you and your untouchable face...
yesterday i saw her for the first time in 4.5 months. it was like a dream. not so sure if it was good or bad. but none the less it was very unreal. all i wanted to do was talk about the "us" factor without hurting her. she knows ive moved on, and it doesnt seem to register. she did some things i knew she would do. but i was prepared for it at least. i was so scared to walk in that door. i saw her and my heart dropped to my stomach. i smelled all the smells i always knew. it was like a slap in the face. she was my first love. my first real love.
we talked about alot of things. she has alota plans. but we all know her plans are bullshit. but i guess bullshit is a start? but whatever. she just said over and over she cant leave me. all the old shit came back. the girl will never change. a big part of shit is about money, the rest is fuckin,smokin,drinkin. she has no family, no education, nothing. i cant blame her for this. this is the life u get when u raise yaself. thats not the life i want.
when she left we all know the shit that went down. first i was so angry she left me, then i realized she wasnt any good for me, then i met yoyo. she helped me find myself. i started a great friendship that slowly developed into something more. everyday im greatful for yolanda.
right now i do not know what shes thinking about. im not getting any answers. her actions are completly unreadable. i was staright up with her and honest about everything i planned to do. ive never been so honest with one person in my entrie life. right now ima mess. shes all i want and i cant seem to reach her. i need her so much right now. unreachable.