WHATTHEFUCK!?!??#$%%#@?
so there was this one time that i've never been happier in my life laying around doing nothing all because its next to the person i wouldnt mind being with for awhile. a long while. this whole week basically ive been with yoyo doin random shit. sleeping mostly. she makes me feel whole. and thats a real good feeling. the other day i get a few phone calls from a few folks saying "rumor is lea is comin home on friday" i think nothing of it for the simple fact she always says shes coming home. then i get a cal from her and stil think nothin of it. today she calls telling me shes coming home FOR GOOD tomorrow she'll be at the bus station at 6 she needs me to go n get her. que? what was said.
so right now, in a nutshell im pretty histerical. the last thing i need right now is another bad thing. ive tried so hard to be good for yoyo. for things on my end to stay clean. im gunna try to not let this bother me.
the sound of her voice made my stomach turn in knots. my heart dropped a thousand stories down into my stomach and continues to fall. down. down. down. everything built almost feels like it can be broken in a second. my sense of self seems as if it can disappear any minute.
im negative because of things like this. i am the way i am because of this. IM not letting someone control the way I feel. no one can control their emotions. a good amount of my flaws stem from this. this right here.....
.
. her.
nothing of my past is ever discussed. add a repressed past, with a bad further present... this is what you get.
ME. I'm sorry Im negative, but im working on it. I'm sorry I'm jealous, but I'm working on it. I'm sorry I complain, im workin on that too. As far as expressing myself through words... I'm trying so hard to get it all out when you want to hear it. I'm trying to move on from the bad, but dont you see the pattern? Its always something.
Can you blame me for being this way?
I want to put this behind me now. please take me the way i am. i promise to better myself.
On a good note, today i chilled with jose. We ate pizza n watched tv with my mom n talked about our past. the shit i never even brought up to my mom, and the stuff she never brought up to me. jose finally came out n spoke on some things. the things ive been waiting to hear for so long. jose. i love you kid. your my brother from another mother. i hope one day our kids will play together. lol we watched dodgeball and laughed our asses of. stupid humor. were easily amused kids. that got my mind off the situation a lil bit. and hes a beast and has my back. lol