Valentine's Day
This is the second worst Valentine's day I've ever had. I'm not going to go into the first, mainly because I don't want to remind myself. The fact that I'm alone on Valentine's day doesn't make me sad, the fact that it makes people act like fucking retards makes me sad. Today was shitty and rainy, and monday, and Valentines day. I almost vomitted at the gym today. Kelly said that it was probably because I did squats first, but really it was because I was so nervous about this presentation. So, with some help from my mother, I've decided that it's not going to happen. There is quitting and then there is walking away from something when it is really bad for you. I don't mean school, I mean just presentations. It is not healthy for me to be stressed every minute of the day, and not be able to sleep, and feel like vomitting at the very thought of speaking in front of a class. So I'm going to talk to my professor and tell him that I can't do it, and I'll either forfeit the mark or I will do some extra assignment to compensate. Also, my mom suggested that I talk to my committee and see if, because of this phobia, I can just present my Master's project privatly. The thought of not giving presentations makes me genuinely happy. This is hilariously pathetic. Most of my Livejournal posts revolve around my phobia of presentations. It's so tired, and even in my own mind but I can't stop thinking about it all the time. I've decided to get medication this week.
I am so tempted to get a duffle bag, pack up some essentials, bring my credit card and some cds, leave a note for carla, and just leave. Not sure where. Just drive, and see how long I go before the guilt wins over me. Maybe Florida, maybe LA, or even somewhere new. I would get a shitty job, read a lot, get outside more, complain about public transit, go see local singers, do stupid shit, and not save my money.