F
She's tired of waking up worrying about me, I did that for months, because I thought I wasnt good enough for her and I was just some loser she kept around because she coudlnt make any good friends, who hadnt turned their back or lied to her. Sure, I have lied...but so have you. But I never lied when we first met, it was pure to me. And bam, stuck right in the eye. And it just led to more and more. So, whats the big deal about that? Not a whole lot. What fucking ticks me off is that I'd do anything I could to help her, but she wants me gone...when it seems I'm one of the few that actually listen to her. IT's all bullshit. I have to wait until she's felt like something is changing for her....I'm not going anywhere but watch to see if I dont get screwed over sometime or another...
Do you want to know how I feel about things? Well, let's start.
I hate when you ask me to do things for you when you wont do anything for me, damn you to fucking hell. Of course I'm going to be mad, and you fucking wonder why I get so angry.
Let's give all the assholes out there an example...She stayed at my house for 1 week not to long ago....I worked during the day, fulltime, just to say...we bought about 45 to 50 bucks worht of groceries to cook during the week..we cooked together at night once...She said she'd cook me breakfast before work or have something done in the afternoon....She fuckign slept untill 11 am almost every day...she cooked the food I bought for herself, while I was at work, and wouldnt cook anything for me Laugh out fucking loud...well, she made a salad but it was friday and i was to tired to stay awake to eat.
OF course we ended up fighting, because I kept in all the bullshit...and if I care say anything to her, to her face...damn, I'm just mean...."how can you love me and say those kind of things to me?" That's all...I lose either way...lately, I've just been losing in cowardly fashion because I didnt want to argue anymore, just giving in.
She just doesnt understand me, andf I dont hold it against her...but if I cant "feel" the way she feels, oh damn...I'm not in love or something like that.
I would never hurt you like you think and the times I have I did and there is nothing I can do about it. I am such a grudgeful person...if you hurt me, even if it was 2 years ago, I'll make you feel it one day or another if you've done me wrong...almost everytime i have done something to hurt you, i was hurt first. If I'm ever hurt, I think "do I deserve this? well, I did fuck up that one time" and I bare myself to feel it...but if I'm being hurt and I did nothing wrong, I am extremely mean. I believe in Karma wheither its an outside of life thing or just here...if you hurt me, I hurt you but i dont plan it, its on the spot...if I fucked someone over before, I'm probably going to be fucked up at one time or another, and I remember it and accept it.
I was very mean to an ex girlfriend, the one she thought i was probably messing around with because I talked to her on the phone. I think "hey, I was nothing but bullshit to her, maybe thats why stefani makes me feel this way" ya know? I think I am crazy when it comes to the things I believe in but I need to pick a path inside of being indicisive about everything.
I am actually a really nice guy...but if you play with my emotions, there will be hell to pay...
I am lonely while I'm home and away from Stefani...there are times when I do things for people so maybe they'll talk to me, because I dont have many friends...I just need some love from people sometimes, not in love though...I do like girls a lot but I usually say the wrong things and they dont care for me...but most of the time, I dont care because I dont want that....
The sad thing is...I've realized recently from talking to other people and so on...that Stefani, I do things and feel things with her that I would never want to do with another unless we werent together anymore...but it would take me a long time to drop that feeling...I feel it stronger than ever...and I'm just bitter that things have to be this way...she said she was going to spend time with her son saturday and she'd call me..."I'll call you everyday or atleast most times" Yet, she already fucked up. And guess what? I'd hold that against her...this is the way I am...I say to myself "hey, I was paying attention to my phone all night because she said she'd call me but she didnt...she had other things to do and just forgot about me" or something to that extent...because she doesnt care about me. atleats thats how I am, if I dont call when I say I will, I usually dont want to or dont care to talk to that person...so.
I know I wont mess with any girls...not unless its all over with STefani
IT's just that...I've loved her for a logn time...but I've only felt it about 3 or 4 times from her...thats all! since march...only a handful of times. It's not that I cant live without hre, I do it every week! it's the fact that no one wants me, no one. I just end up drinking after work, if I can, and driving around the town looking for something to do, something to spend my money on...
and I cared more about Stefani than I'd have any other feeling for her...damn, if she loved me like that, if she neeeded anything, that would be fine...
I'm beginning to believe love isnt real or doesnt last...one or the other.
I plan on not taking any phone calls from you for aleast until my birthday unless you NEED someone to talk to...but hey, its just little Jonathan, what can he help you with? nothing. But I will if you need me, and please do...but otherwise, I guess it'll be next month...My birthday month...like you care?
I have other things to say but my brain is fried....I need to eliminate these feelings...bye bye -Prince Jonathan, the prince no one wanted.
Do you want to know how I feel about things? Well, let's start.
I hate when you ask me to do things for you when you wont do anything for me, damn you to fucking hell. Of course I'm going to be mad, and you fucking wonder why I get so angry.
Let's give all the assholes out there an example...She stayed at my house for 1 week not to long ago....I worked during the day, fulltime, just to say...we bought about 45 to 50 bucks worht of groceries to cook during the week..we cooked together at night once...She said she'd cook me breakfast before work or have something done in the afternoon....She fuckign slept untill 11 am almost every day...she cooked the food I bought for herself, while I was at work, and wouldnt cook anything for me Laugh out fucking loud...well, she made a salad but it was friday and i was to tired to stay awake to eat.
OF course we ended up fighting, because I kept in all the bullshit...and if I care say anything to her, to her face...damn, I'm just mean...."how can you love me and say those kind of things to me?" That's all...I lose either way...lately, I've just been losing in cowardly fashion because I didnt want to argue anymore, just giving in.
She just doesnt understand me, andf I dont hold it against her...but if I cant "feel" the way she feels, oh damn...I'm not in love or something like that.
I would never hurt you like you think and the times I have I did and there is nothing I can do about it. I am such a grudgeful person...if you hurt me, even if it was 2 years ago, I'll make you feel it one day or another if you've done me wrong...almost everytime i have done something to hurt you, i was hurt first. If I'm ever hurt, I think "do I deserve this? well, I did fuck up that one time" and I bare myself to feel it...but if I'm being hurt and I did nothing wrong, I am extremely mean. I believe in Karma wheither its an outside of life thing or just here...if you hurt me, I hurt you but i dont plan it, its on the spot...if I fucked someone over before, I'm probably going to be fucked up at one time or another, and I remember it and accept it.
I was very mean to an ex girlfriend, the one she thought i was probably messing around with because I talked to her on the phone. I think "hey, I was nothing but bullshit to her, maybe thats why stefani makes me feel this way" ya know? I think I am crazy when it comes to the things I believe in but I need to pick a path inside of being indicisive about everything.
I am actually a really nice guy...but if you play with my emotions, there will be hell to pay...
I am lonely while I'm home and away from Stefani...there are times when I do things for people so maybe they'll talk to me, because I dont have many friends...I just need some love from people sometimes, not in love though...I do like girls a lot but I usually say the wrong things and they dont care for me...but most of the time, I dont care because I dont want that....
The sad thing is...I've realized recently from talking to other people and so on...that Stefani, I do things and feel things with her that I would never want to do with another unless we werent together anymore...but it would take me a long time to drop that feeling...I feel it stronger than ever...and I'm just bitter that things have to be this way...she said she was going to spend time with her son saturday and she'd call me..."I'll call you everyday or atleast most times" Yet, she already fucked up. And guess what? I'd hold that against her...this is the way I am...I say to myself "hey, I was paying attention to my phone all night because she said she'd call me but she didnt...she had other things to do and just forgot about me" or something to that extent...because she doesnt care about me. atleats thats how I am, if I dont call when I say I will, I usually dont want to or dont care to talk to that person...so.
I know I wont mess with any girls...not unless its all over with STefani
IT's just that...I've loved her for a logn time...but I've only felt it about 3 or 4 times from her...thats all! since march...only a handful of times. It's not that I cant live without hre, I do it every week! it's the fact that no one wants me, no one. I just end up drinking after work, if I can, and driving around the town looking for something to do, something to spend my money on...
and I cared more about Stefani than I'd have any other feeling for her...damn, if she loved me like that, if she neeeded anything, that would be fine...
I'm beginning to believe love isnt real or doesnt last...one or the other.
I plan on not taking any phone calls from you for aleast until my birthday unless you NEED someone to talk to...but hey, its just little Jonathan, what can he help you with? nothing. But I will if you need me, and please do...but otherwise, I guess it'll be next month...My birthday month...like you care?
I have other things to say but my brain is fried....I need to eliminate these feelings...bye bye -Prince Jonathan, the prince no one wanted.