Musings
I've had streaks in the past where I've had a big desire to be married. Eventually the sense of urgency and level of frustration about not being married has receded, but it's something that tends to recede as I get busy with other things in life. Lately I've been particularly frustrated with not being married, and I have also been far busier than I've ever been in life. I think that I may be reaching an apex again, where despite my frustration I'm willing to not worry about it as much for a little while. I could be wrong on this... but I'll find out how patient I can be regardless. I am sure that when it comes to being married I'll only be as patient as I have to be. That is to say, when I find the right woman and the opportunity comes along I suspect I won't delay.
I've also been thinking about discovering what I want and need in a woman. I know that popular opinion is frequently that you have to date women to find out what you want in a woman. I can't adequately express how much I disagree with that opinion. I have learned some things while in relationships, but I find that I learn FAR more about what I need in a woman when I'm not in a relationship. I think I've had the key issues for me sorted out for a long time, but I've been refining my needs within those issues a lot. Perhaps more important in some ways though, is that my understanding of who I am - not my needs in a relationship - has changed a lot. Amy M., Amy V., and Emily C. have been instrumental in helping me understand myself. I still haven't quite figured out why I relate so much more to women when it comes to personal growth... but maybe one day that will become clear to me.
I feel like I am fairly prepared for marriage. First because my personality is such that I am clearly made to be with another person, but second because I've spent a lot of time trying to grow and prepare. I sometimes wonder if perhaps I'll face more trials in my marriage, or if my life will be distraught with great amounts of suffering and henceforth I am being prepared so that I can face the challenges ahead of me. Or maybe I will be able to relate to people later in life who are frustrated that they aren't married.
My brother had his bachelor party this past weekend. Some of it was pretty fun... some of it was too much for me. Don't get me wrong, I don't think it was anything unusual for a bachelor party, and in a lot of ways it was probably fairly tame as far as bachelor parties go. But it got my wondering if I even want to have a bachelor party. What is the purpose and intent behind a bachelor party? A last hurrah of singleness before being married? I mean, yeah - I'm sure I'll hang out with my guy friends and we'll do something fun and call it a bachelor party but I don't want alcohol to be there, or anything that my future wife couldn't be proud of. I'm sure there are plenty of more or less wholesome bachelor parties out there, but I guess I was just struck by how sad I think bachelor parties can often be.
I've also been thinking about discovering what I want and need in a woman. I know that popular opinion is frequently that you have to date women to find out what you want in a woman. I can't adequately express how much I disagree with that opinion. I have learned some things while in relationships, but I find that I learn FAR more about what I need in a woman when I'm not in a relationship. I think I've had the key issues for me sorted out for a long time, but I've been refining my needs within those issues a lot. Perhaps more important in some ways though, is that my understanding of who I am - not my needs in a relationship - has changed a lot. Amy M., Amy V., and Emily C. have been instrumental in helping me understand myself. I still haven't quite figured out why I relate so much more to women when it comes to personal growth... but maybe one day that will become clear to me.
I feel like I am fairly prepared for marriage. First because my personality is such that I am clearly made to be with another person, but second because I've spent a lot of time trying to grow and prepare. I sometimes wonder if perhaps I'll face more trials in my marriage, or if my life will be distraught with great amounts of suffering and henceforth I am being prepared so that I can face the challenges ahead of me. Or maybe I will be able to relate to people later in life who are frustrated that they aren't married.
My brother had his bachelor party this past weekend. Some of it was pretty fun... some of it was too much for me. Don't get me wrong, I don't think it was anything unusual for a bachelor party, and in a lot of ways it was probably fairly tame as far as bachelor parties go. But it got my wondering if I even want to have a bachelor party. What is the purpose and intent behind a bachelor party? A last hurrah of singleness before being married? I mean, yeah - I'm sure I'll hang out with my guy friends and we'll do something fun and call it a bachelor party but I don't want alcohol to be there, or anything that my future wife couldn't be proud of. I'm sure there are plenty of more or less wholesome bachelor parties out there, but I guess I was just struck by how sad I think bachelor parties can often be.