Warning RANT!
Although no one in Tech band reads my lj, i've got to vent. you probably won't know the heck of what this means, but alas i need it out in public.
yes. i don't have some of pregame memorized. reasons?
- grandioso kicks my booty just trying to play it, much less countermarch during it
- i lead a line. do you really want a line in the big T wavering during the countermarch? i can't walk straight, much less march straight with out concentrating
- i can't see good out of my right eye. meaning i have to freaking concencrate on staying in line, because i can't f-ing see!
i am trying the best i can. i'm working on it. i stand the whole f-ing games even though my doctor hates that i do. he shakes his head when i tell him that. i had to take off my shoes during the third quarter because my feet were throbbing. if i'm standing, everyone else should stand on their toes the entire game. you aren't supposed to be popping painkillers every day. i do. you shouldn't have to have medical bills just to allow you to march. i do. cortizone shots are the only thing that gets me through somedays. it's unhealthy for me to be in band. i'm working my ass off just to do what ppl do without thinking. and if that's not enough for you, deal with it. i've had severe self-esteem issues when it comes to dealing with band. i had people telling me that i sucked since i started. then walter comes along and teaches me to play. yes. i learned from a percussionist. he is the only reason i'm here. senior year, i had finally gotten to the point where i felt good about my playing. i know that there are many people out there that can play a million times better than me. but i finally figured out that i could play the flute. walter gave me self-confidence. i had to work triple what other people do, because i have setbacks. i honestly do try. if i didn't try, i wouldn't be sitting here with my flute working on memorizing music. i worked on it for an hour and a half this morning. i did the same last year. when other people were talking to their friends before classes, i was studying my flip folder. the truth is, i don't think i can play this stuff. runs and quick notes take me forever to learn. i know this. i copied these songs and worked on them over the summer. when i was working my butt off at the factory. i still can't. i'm trying as hard as i can to do what is expected of me, but i fail. i honestly can't do these things that others believe is so easy. some people have an easy time walking in the morning. i do, but only after my legs get back into joint. what is cake to some, is liver to others.
don't pull me down when i'm doing it myself.