it's the stars that lie to you
i've been drinking so i'm sitting here alone, thinking. and sad songs keep on playing, but that's ok. a lot of stuff is going on in my life right now. like, even things emotionally that i don't talk about, things that people don't know about...they are going on inside me and so i'm kind of starting to get all scattered and i can't keep all these things straight. dad's friend was hurt really badly today. my grandma's out of the hospital finally. i got paid today. i feel kinda sorta really lonely right now. i haven't had anyone to talk to for a couple hours...and it gets lonely and boring. i think all my other friends have abandoned me. jessica moved. jessie moved. tonya is elsewhere. i miss hanging out with taja. i miss everyone and everything sometimes. deek's with sims right now. when he leaves i am going to be a lonely little girl. but i have to make the best of that situation, it's not like i went into this not knowing he was going to be leaving. but i can't help thinking that if he stayed here, how cool it would be to continue this...if he can continue to stand me and my weirdness. it's hard to read that boy. and i don't want to come right out and ask things because it's more fun trying to figure them out myself. i'm like a detective, searching for clues. it amuses me. we aren't really all that opposite, either. maybe in our appearances we are, but the way we think- it's almost the same. there are things about him and the way he thinks that suprises me because i thought i was the only one that felt the way he does about certain things. i'm paranoid about bothering people. and annoying them. i need to get some sleep...if i stay up much longer i'm going to go down a road i do not want to go down right now. i can feel it in the pit of my stomach. sleep makes it go away and i can't feel it. i don't want to feel anything right now. except maybe you, right next to me.