i am chronicling this here just so i have somewhere to document it.
sunday night/monday morning: apparently got up and ate cake in the middle of the night. was sober when i went to bed; fwtallgirl was there until 1 am and would have noticed me getting out of bed and especially would have noticed me going to the kitchen and fridge. i didn't know i ate it until the next day when i went to eat it and it was half gone, there were crumbs on my floor, and a dirty fork in the sink.
monday night/tuesday morning: got redonkulusly drunk; nothing happened. had the world's worst hangover + PMS. but nothing out of the ordinary.
tuesday night/weds morning: due to cramping issues, was up and down all night. was sober when i went to bed. have a vague memory of unwrapping leftovers from jersey mikes but do not remember eating it. obviously, i ate it because when i went to eat it at 1 pm today, it was gone and the wrapper/paper was in the trash. also discovered that i tried to drink some juice in a dazed state because i must have dropped it--kitchen floor was sticky.
weds night/thursday morning: spoke with cat because this whole thing is really freaking me the fuck out. black out drunk actions when i'm sober? what the fuck is really going on? checked my meds to make sure none of them do that shit... lo and behold, it is possible that lithium could do it. but why start now? i've been on the shit and stable on the shit for a while now. took some ativan to try to go to sleep and stay asleep (yeah, well, you see how well it's working, right? I'M STILL FUCKING AWAKE.) and plan on doing a walk in at the VA tomorrow. at the very least, i might want to ask for a sleep study, because i wake up and my bed is trashed... i wake up on the floor sometimes... last night i put pillows on my couch? and before you say someone is fucking with me, the only person that has a key is cat and somehow, i don't think she would do that. i know correlation doesn't necessarily equal causation, but there's got to be some way they can help me.
i've also thought about maybe recording myself sleeping and if it's bad, taking that to the VA to demand the sleep study. cat offered to spend the night, but i suspect that that will be like taking your car to the mechanic and it's not making the knocking/ticking/banging sound for them--it's a well known fact that i sleep better when she's here. or... the other extreme: i flip the hell out in my sleep. i would feel horrible if that happened.
i thought my sleep hygiene was getting better, but i guess it's not? and it's little shit, like things aren't where i thought i put them. as far as i know, i haven't tried to go outside and say, drive. i have a keyless dead bolt on my door but i don't want to use it in case shit happens. my alarm clock is just far enough away that i can't read it without my glasses (damn plight of the nearsighted) but it's so i don't stare at it incessantly and not sleep. tim has offered to hide my car keys in case i try to sleep drive, but i don't know if that's a good idea either.
help me dr. LJ, you're my only hope. or something.
EDIT:: the psych on call at the VA added trazodone. i'm going to try this on a day off first, when i get it.
monday night/tuesday morning: got redonkulusly drunk; nothing happened. had the world's worst hangover + PMS. but nothing out of the ordinary.
tuesday night/weds morning: due to cramping issues, was up and down all night. was sober when i went to bed. have a vague memory of unwrapping leftovers from jersey mikes but do not remember eating it. obviously, i ate it because when i went to eat it at 1 pm today, it was gone and the wrapper/paper was in the trash. also discovered that i tried to drink some juice in a dazed state because i must have dropped it--kitchen floor was sticky.
weds night/thursday morning: spoke with cat because this whole thing is really freaking me the fuck out. black out drunk actions when i'm sober? what the fuck is really going on? checked my meds to make sure none of them do that shit... lo and behold, it is possible that lithium could do it. but why start now? i've been on the shit and stable on the shit for a while now. took some ativan to try to go to sleep and stay asleep (yeah, well, you see how well it's working, right? I'M STILL FUCKING AWAKE.) and plan on doing a walk in at the VA tomorrow. at the very least, i might want to ask for a sleep study, because i wake up and my bed is trashed... i wake up on the floor sometimes... last night i put pillows on my couch? and before you say someone is fucking with me, the only person that has a key is cat and somehow, i don't think she would do that. i know correlation doesn't necessarily equal causation, but there's got to be some way they can help me.
i've also thought about maybe recording myself sleeping and if it's bad, taking that to the VA to demand the sleep study. cat offered to spend the night, but i suspect that that will be like taking your car to the mechanic and it's not making the knocking/ticking/banging sound for them--it's a well known fact that i sleep better when she's here. or... the other extreme: i flip the hell out in my sleep. i would feel horrible if that happened.
i thought my sleep hygiene was getting better, but i guess it's not? and it's little shit, like things aren't where i thought i put them. as far as i know, i haven't tried to go outside and say, drive. i have a keyless dead bolt on my door but i don't want to use it in case shit happens. my alarm clock is just far enough away that i can't read it without my glasses (damn plight of the nearsighted) but it's so i don't stare at it incessantly and not sleep. tim has offered to hide my car keys in case i try to sleep drive, but i don't know if that's a good idea either.
help me dr. LJ, you're my only hope. or something.
EDIT:: the psych on call at the VA added trazodone. i'm going to try this on a day off first, when i get it.