Fanfiction for fanfiction?

[maiaide]

            Miharu perched on the edge of her bed, and Nino plodded over to her in bare feet.

“I’ve put the light table into the room, and the computer is off,” Miharu reported wanly, folding her hands in her lap.

“Thank you.” He sat down on the carpet beside her feet, hugging his knees and bringing up the rolled-open

Comments

[oviparous]

i was probably as nervous as you (looks at your 'mood' field up there XD) when i read the first few words, and recognising them as my own only gave me more anxiety XDDD

i need to organise my thoughts, i'm grinning like an idiot.

do you know i read this twice, and i read it slowly?! XD this has got to be my first R fic or something, you should be really honoured, seriously XD bwaha.

first things first.

you do write classy sex. i am in awe, THANK YOU for not making it porn. really, you don't know some of the things in books out there. and i don't feel pervy after i've read it, which means it is not porn but 'proper' sex. am i saying this correctly? to make it all epic and nice? XD

yes.

actually, at the risk of sounding patronising, the word that was ringing out throughout both readings was 'perfect', and really, really i am pleased that you did this.

thank you for remembering the burgundy carpet, and the lavender and roses, and the length of her hair, and that nino was away for awhile when she was supposed to be buying the condoms (i can totally imagine her writing on her memo pad 'Buy condoms' in the future, thanks to you, but i sure as hell wouldn't be writing that in my fic unless i really have to XD), and i loved the graphite-smudged fingers. thank you for that touch. and hahahahahaha the condoms scene, i couldn't help but laugh when she got all flustered about the condoms, like the first time she met him. (oh and did you really mean for her to plan to put the condoms under the sink but she forgot to even buy them? XD)

i think it is only appropriate that you resurrected the mood of that first-meeting scene, wait let me find it:

“That was… awkward,” she started, before exhaling. “I didn’t expect… How can my next door neighbour be… Oh shit, I made you carry my boxes? Oh dear, I don’t know what I’m saying,” she groaned, slapping her palm to her forehead. “You just asked me a question, did you? What was it again? I’m sorry, I really am, I just can’t remember - oh wait, it was about a party?”

oh, heather.

it DOES sound so much like this, and THANK YOU for capturing the mood. i really do think i love you XD and i don't know how to repay you except maybe write more fic in the future? haha.

it felt sooo embarrassing reading this, as well, as it was all beautiful. because, i don't think i have ever thought about nino having sex with anyone - i mean, i've never had it described to me, i KNOW he was gonna have sex with miharu when i wrote it, so all this is very new and i am feeling very shy, like i've seen nino naked, and it's all so weird for me. XD but i like the fact that it was a beautiful moment for the two of them, and as how you said it, ~special~

and i honestly do think nino is the type who would run back home to get condoms, seriously. i can't remember which show it was but arashi was saying that once they were at the sea and aiba, ohno and nino were all wondering if they should just go naked because it felt right, and i believe to that extent, nino would risk a corridor rather naked, as the situation depicted.

i can TOTALLY hear the last line in japanese. ARGH. FANTASTIC. i kept hearing the 'I may not be able to control myself if I think of you' line in japanese after i wrote it and it stuck in my head for days, and all the dialogue from my previous fics started to haunt me too, in japanese, and arashi's voices were in my head for days... miharu's was too. i can imagine her voice. HA this sounds ridiculous but i really do.

and you know, the title is really apt. it's really brilliant.

and if i really want to be constructive and stop sounding so hypnotised, miharu will probably say "You." instead of adding his name at the back. heh. just a bit of character-check there, but otherwise it's all right.

oh and brilliant brilliant BRILLIANT this scene:

“It’s been… a while,” was all Miharu said.

“Me too.” He knew what she meant and what they said they wouldn’t talk about.

you TOTALLY captured it, really you did. REALLY. that was Miharu, THAT REALLY WAS MIHARU. heh.

thank you for advertising the Great Big Family here too XD i am so indebted that i don't know what to say. thank you. this was good. it wasn't naughty at all. it was so. beautiful.

GAH!

[oviparous]

and i had to read certain parts again, with miharu's characterisation in mind, and miharu told me i would like to suggest miharu doesn't even say anything at all when nino asks her what she's thinking of, and drawing inspiration from the scene where she puts her hands on his chest and speaks, when nino asks her that question, she just taps her forefinger on his chest in the very matter-of-fact fashion that she unraveled his birthday scrawled on her forearm - it sounds bad here but maybe you could do something more constructive with it. XD

heather, i am hoping you don't kill me for this, and i am going to sleep. i am very much inclined to link this to Six Months to Glory, but i think i should ask for your permission first. how about it?

[maiaide]

1. Criticism taken and noted; changes made. :) I'm glad there weren't any typos or spelling errors because I didn't even read it all the way through before I posted it. :X

Adfldsjafda!! ♥♥♥ That was the greatest comment (and longest~) I've ever gotten on anything. I am so relieved that I managed to hit the nail right on the head with this one. It's one thing to muck around with idols and real people (in a way) but it's a whole new ballpark when it's ann original character, and someone else's at that. To be honest, I had forgotten about their first meeting but the first time with anyone is always a bit nerve-wracking.

I did go back and reread a lot for this, checking facts and things they said. It was almost as much research as I would do for Equilibrium! But well worth it. I kind of had the condom episode thought up before I started because it would be totally cute and she said in her letter how she liked that Nino spoke through his actions. ♥ And it's real. When people have sex, someone has to get up and get the condom. It doesn't just magically appear on you out nowhere.

But now she doesn't have to buy any (for a while) becasuse Nino gave her his box. ♥ And she can learn what kind he likes without having to ask~ Hahaaaa.

Ahhh the last line I struggled with and rewrote a few times. Since it's not the end of your epic and there's stuff that happens after I didn't want them to say/do anything that would have jumped any kind of emotional timeline that you had already thought up. I'm glad it works for you! :D Maybe I should add a translation of that line and use that as the title instead. XD

I really want to respond more but there isn't much else I can say except that I was grinning like an idiot about how much you liked this. :) Please do link this to your fic. I think people who enjoy your universe would like to know about this too. And I thought I had more to say but I have 15 minutes to get my ass out the door to work. :

[oviparous]

heatherrrrr.

after i posted my comment i went to read ALL THE GREAT BIG ARASHI FICS + THIS ONE and i felt so content even though i only clocked in like 4 hours of sleep XD

i know i wrote them, but it's different when there is actually a spin-off XD

the original line in my head was お前を思いついたら俺が耐えられないと思う, i'm hearing something alone those lines for the last line of this story XD wonder if it will help you with the title?

man i should have referred you here earlier, just to aid in research: http://oviparous.livejournal.com/tag/fic

i feel so touched *sob* that you did so much research. and i noticed that you took into consideration the colour of the walls after i read the part about the sun turning them into the colour of milk tea AAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH you are wonderful!!!!!!!

there's this thing i said about miharu here liking nino's adam's apple that i thought you'd appreciate for some morbid reason XDDD

[maiaide]

I read this again and found a few typos and things I c/should change. The buzz from this piece hasn't quite worn off yet. :3

[oviparous]

seriously?!?!?!! XDDD

okay. go you!