I hate that I'm addicted to Facebook in general, but I hate it even more that it helps make me depressed. In the past 24 hours I've been going through pictures of two people I've known in high school on their Facebook. I have no idea how, it just happened, and then I got stuck trying to figure out what they do for a career because they both share similarities, they both travel, help people somehow, or of some sort, and are both nature-esk and happy. I want to find out what they do, career wise or what they go to school for so I can consider doing something of the sort too. It's like "I'll have what she's drinking", except school-wise. It's pathetic I know, but I'm craving for some sort of direction here. I'm actually pretty desperate.
I want to do something very good, not necessarily change the world, but help or have some sort of stamp on the world anyway. But it makes me feel like there isn't anything that I could do to put a stamp on the world because the world is just so big and I'm only me. And that's a depressing look on life. But it's not like I'm that smart, that creative, I'm not even that pretty. Those who have told me that they are lucky to have me in their life have already left me for others that are better. I'm in a rut, I'm beginning to hate myself again like I used to. Instead of focusing on going to school, I play video games too much, I don't even clean up after myself anymore. I drink my money away instead of saving to do something like sign up for a gym or travel something I'd rather do. It's gotten to the point of being on the fence of depression. I don't want to clean recently, I don't want to hang out recently, I don't want to sing or dance recently. I'm getting choked up thinking about how sad I'm being right now.
These girls are very down to earth but also in the clouds, they enjoy outdoors and travel, at least one of them has very good fashion sense, they're both really cute without even trying, they both don't need anyone else, independent, and super smart. Creative, funny, witty, lots of fun.
I keep talking to myself about how this is the chance, I'm going to make big life changes, but then it doesn't happen. I want to get fit, I want to start running, I want to take voice lessons, I want to learn the ukulele, the piano, the guitar, I want to delete people from my life that I don't need, I want to become vegetarian, I want to get my own apartment, I want to be independent, I want to grow out my hair, I want to buy a new wardrobe, I want to go to school, I want to visit Maine, I want more road trips.
These changes are coming to slowly, I want it all now and it's very frustrating because I feel like I'm floating in the same spot I've been in since middle school. I've changed a lot, but right now I'm being too negative to see it. Instead of making a difference right now by cleaning this place up and making myself feel better I'm relying on technology (Bacebook, blogging, texting) to make myself feel better. Well, honestly this blog did help a bit. I think I'm going to finally get off and clean. I hope work goes okay today.
I want to do something very good, not necessarily change the world, but help or have some sort of stamp on the world anyway. But it makes me feel like there isn't anything that I could do to put a stamp on the world because the world is just so big and I'm only me. And that's a depressing look on life. But it's not like I'm that smart, that creative, I'm not even that pretty. Those who have told me that they are lucky to have me in their life have already left me for others that are better. I'm in a rut, I'm beginning to hate myself again like I used to. Instead of focusing on going to school, I play video games too much, I don't even clean up after myself anymore. I drink my money away instead of saving to do something like sign up for a gym or travel something I'd rather do. It's gotten to the point of being on the fence of depression. I don't want to clean recently, I don't want to hang out recently, I don't want to sing or dance recently. I'm getting choked up thinking about how sad I'm being right now.
These girls are very down to earth but also in the clouds, they enjoy outdoors and travel, at least one of them has very good fashion sense, they're both really cute without even trying, they both don't need anyone else, independent, and super smart. Creative, funny, witty, lots of fun.
I keep talking to myself about how this is the chance, I'm going to make big life changes, but then it doesn't happen. I want to get fit, I want to start running, I want to take voice lessons, I want to learn the ukulele, the piano, the guitar, I want to delete people from my life that I don't need, I want to become vegetarian, I want to get my own apartment, I want to be independent, I want to grow out my hair, I want to buy a new wardrobe, I want to go to school, I want to visit Maine, I want more road trips.
These changes are coming to slowly, I want it all now and it's very frustrating because I feel like I'm floating in the same spot I've been in since middle school. I've changed a lot, but right now I'm being too negative to see it. Instead of making a difference right now by cleaning this place up and making myself feel better I'm relying on technology (Bacebook, blogging, texting) to make myself feel better. Well, honestly this blog did help a bit. I think I'm going to finally get off and clean. I hope work goes okay today.