cracking a 15yr long shell - im doing it big
a shell of mine has been broken and i feel more alive than ever....the only thing that will lift the scrap shells off of me is going out to eat with my real dad and telling him everything that i feel for him....ive allways been a trusting person to a point example : if you ask me to help ill allways be there type person or if you want me to hold a secret ill fuck up my own life to make it remain secret...i think i proved that......i allways wanted and still want people to be happy, friends family and relationships...so yes i would use white lies that would make everythign at peace...i realized that by caring too much about and making others happy while feeling like i need to keep them happy, i was making myself less happy....shouldnt i be happy and people like me for my faults too....i love how everyone still gave me a hug...made things feel good like i did something big...mikes was half assed but i deserve it...wait no i dont...i cryed to him on the phone about everything...hes just mad that im back with joel...freakin big brother syndrome..:::dont care stacie hell get over it:::....growing up sucks balls but im slowly finding out how to...i left my friends last night feeling like 99 pounds were lifted from me....and the pound thats left is to tell my real dad the truth and why i dont talk to him..."if youve read previous you know that situation"...sleeping next to joel last night felt better/closer/more relaxing and blissful than ever...if joel ends up finding someone else, cross fingers its a "no", ill thank him for helping me find the real me and i know he would do the same....were waking eachother up and growing together....thats the best thing to have in a relationship...growing together