(no subject)
i'm sitting here contemplating life...its seems with the losses that i have faced head on, they have all been incredibly beautiful people...and at such a young age...what is the meaning of life or death? Part of me wants to believe that when you die you go to this utopia..this place not even words can describe..its a feeling...and because i believe that all people are GOOD deep down everyone goes to this place...so this world kind of laughs at us with the death penalty..they laugh because we think of it as a punishment when really it could just be a fast forward to happiness...
i feel bad that i have no more tears left...there are only so many you can cry I guess...but i was told by a very wise woman that it does not mean i did not love or care for the person...there is no doubt that with every single cell in my body i loved her...its too surreal today...i'm walking around not even thinking that it is for real...i have your christmas gift sitting here...your letters..my letters...our drawings..your jewelry...i used your body wash when i was in the shower 10 minutes ago...you can not be gone when you are everywhere...i hear your laugh...i see your smile and your sparkling blue eyes...i feel your generosity and kindness..so why can't i see you...all i want is to see you...hug you...kiss you...love you...
and then i wonder...could i have done more? could i have told her i loved her just one more time and that would have made the difference? could i have done anything?...i know that i could have but it would not make any difference in the end of things...
she's gone...
i'm not so scared of death anymore, because i know you will be there waiting for me...
i hope you have found your peace my dear, dear, love...
i feel bad that i have no more tears left...there are only so many you can cry I guess...but i was told by a very wise woman that it does not mean i did not love or care for the person...there is no doubt that with every single cell in my body i loved her...its too surreal today...i'm walking around not even thinking that it is for real...i have your christmas gift sitting here...your letters..my letters...our drawings..your jewelry...i used your body wash when i was in the shower 10 minutes ago...you can not be gone when you are everywhere...i hear your laugh...i see your smile and your sparkling blue eyes...i feel your generosity and kindness..so why can't i see you...all i want is to see you...hug you...kiss you...love you...
and then i wonder...could i have done more? could i have told her i loved her just one more time and that would have made the difference? could i have done anything?...i know that i could have but it would not make any difference in the end of things...
she's gone...
i'm not so scared of death anymore, because i know you will be there waiting for me...
i hope you have found your peace my dear, dear, love...