Asshole report
HOKAY so upon arriving at Hilton Head, Anneka and I hopped gracefully and serenely into the hottub where there were two guys who looked waaaaaaaay older than us, who were talking together. And Anneka and I got into the hottub, whereupon one asked how old we were. We told them we were 15. And the guy said "I would have guessed 17." So he seemed like an okay guy and we hung out with him the rest of the day and met him that night and played ping pong. Yes. Ping pong. And Anneka kicked his sorry ass. And I swear I'm not being sarcastic. Really. She actually did WAY better than I did. I sucked. ANYWAY, he was a little weird, and we were sorta afraid he was gonna rape us, but we let it go. ACTUALLY THOUGH, Daniel, if you're reading this, just know that you had PERFECT timing when you called my cell phone back because I realllllllly didn't want to be raped. And here's Anneka for what happened:
Okay, so we're by the pool and it's totally dark and Miriam gets a call from Daniel. This guy, Dean, looked pissed and was like, "Who's she talking to? Her boyfriend or something??" And I was like, YESSSSSSSSSSS! Bingo! Give the man a prize! Anyway. Yes. Perfect timing, Danny. Although... he asked us if we wanted to hang out today, and he found us poolside lying in the sun (yummmm). He wouldn't leave. Sooooo we went to the pingpong tables again, where Miriam actually did fabulously. Yes. But. She left briefly and as soon as she was gone, he was like, "SO! Do you guys like, talk about me when I'm not around??" And I was like, "Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...?" And he's like, "Tell me what she's said about me." I was like, "She has a BOYFRIEND, LOOOOOOOOOSER!" Although I didn't actually add on the loooooooooser part. And he gave me this really cheesy smile and was like, "But you don't!" Ew.
AND THEN. We decided to hop into the indoor pool right next to the ping pong table, and then we began talking about stuff and here's how our conversation went. (D= Dean, M=Miriam, and A= Anneka)
D: Singing's GAY.
A: Ummm, I thought you said your school had a great theater department.
D: Yeah. Theater. Not like, singing or something GAY like musicals.
A: Oh yeah. I hate musicals (WAY TO GO ANNEKA!)
D: Yeah. If you sing at our school, you're GAY and no one talks to you. People just ignore you and you have no friends.
M: Wow, that really sucks.
D: Yeah, so when you said you sang I was like "Whhhhhoa, that's GAY. But you're probably not"
M and A: I would hate to go to your school, people sound so judgemental.
D: Yeah, well, it's the same with your clothes. People expect you to wear Abecrombie or Hollister or Aeropostle. If you don't, it's like, nobody talks to you. Hahahaha. It's so GAY, but if you want to have friends, you have to buy all these really expensive clothes.
A: Who decided that?
D: It's been going on for 10 years like this. It's just the way it is.
A: But what if you don't have the money to buy those really expensive clothes?
D: Well, then you don't have friends.
M: What about if someone starts out wearing all the right clothes, and then something happens, like their parents get divorced and they don't have the same kind of money?
D: Well, then you don't have any friends and people don't see you.
M: God.
A: So do you only date the girls who wear the right kind of clothes?
D: I told you before, I don't date girls from my school. They're too dumb.
M: Then who do you date?
D: Girls from other schools.
M: Like yours....?
D: Yeah, but I dumped my girlfriend two weeks ago 'cause she stopped wearing the good clothes. I mean, she would wear them to school and all, but then of course they would be dirty on the weekend, and of course that's when we go on dates and my friends would be like "What's wrong with her?" So I dumped her. OH, my cousin wanted to meet you. Of course, he probably just wants to fuck you, but when I told him you had a boyfriend, he was like "Forget it."
M: Um, good.
D: Yeah, he's weird. He only talks about sexual things. He would probably just say "Hey babe" and grab your arm or something.
M: I don't think I'd want to meet him.
A: Yeah me neither.
D: Well, I could always tell him to come hang out with us tonight and that the girl who has a boyfriend is up for anything. He'd totally fuck you then.
M: NO, thank you.
D: But of course I wouldn't do that. That's mean.
A: I WANNA GO CHECK MY EMAIL. NOW. IN THE HOTEL ROOM. LET'S GO.
And that is where it ended. He said he'd be calling me tonight to go walk on the beach or something, but I won't answer my phone. Or I'll tell him I don't want to. Or I can't. FUCK WHY DID I GIVE HIM MY FUCKING CELL PHONE NUMBER? (Miriam wrote that.)
And now we feel incredibly violated and if anyone would like to volunteer a day to fly over and shoot him, we'd be forever grateful.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND we're done. Please comment and tell us that you love us and you don't want us to be raped. Haha.
Ciao my loves,
Well, OUR loves,
M and A
Okay, so we're by the pool and it's totally dark and Miriam gets a call from Daniel. This guy, Dean, looked pissed and was like, "Who's she talking to? Her boyfriend or something??" And I was like, YESSSSSSSSSSS! Bingo! Give the man a prize! Anyway. Yes. Perfect timing, Danny. Although... he asked us if we wanted to hang out today, and he found us poolside lying in the sun (yummmm). He wouldn't leave. Sooooo we went to the pingpong tables again, where Miriam actually did fabulously. Yes. But. She left briefly and as soon as she was gone, he was like, "SO! Do you guys like, talk about me when I'm not around??" And I was like, "Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...?" And he's like, "Tell me what she's said about me." I was like, "She has a BOYFRIEND, LOOOOOOOOOSER!" Although I didn't actually add on the loooooooooser part. And he gave me this really cheesy smile and was like, "But you don't!" Ew.
AND THEN. We decided to hop into the indoor pool right next to the ping pong table, and then we began talking about stuff and here's how our conversation went. (D= Dean, M=Miriam, and A= Anneka)
D: Singing's GAY.
A: Ummm, I thought you said your school had a great theater department.
D: Yeah. Theater. Not like, singing or something GAY like musicals.
A: Oh yeah. I hate musicals (WAY TO GO ANNEKA!)
D: Yeah. If you sing at our school, you're GAY and no one talks to you. People just ignore you and you have no friends.
M: Wow, that really sucks.
D: Yeah, so when you said you sang I was like "Whhhhhoa, that's GAY. But you're probably not"
M and A: I would hate to go to your school, people sound so judgemental.
D: Yeah, well, it's the same with your clothes. People expect you to wear Abecrombie or Hollister or Aeropostle. If you don't, it's like, nobody talks to you. Hahahaha. It's so GAY, but if you want to have friends, you have to buy all these really expensive clothes.
A: Who decided that?
D: It's been going on for 10 years like this. It's just the way it is.
A: But what if you don't have the money to buy those really expensive clothes?
D: Well, then you don't have friends.
M: What about if someone starts out wearing all the right clothes, and then something happens, like their parents get divorced and they don't have the same kind of money?
D: Well, then you don't have any friends and people don't see you.
M: God.
A: So do you only date the girls who wear the right kind of clothes?
D: I told you before, I don't date girls from my school. They're too dumb.
M: Then who do you date?
D: Girls from other schools.
M: Like yours....?
D: Yeah, but I dumped my girlfriend two weeks ago 'cause she stopped wearing the good clothes. I mean, she would wear them to school and all, but then of course they would be dirty on the weekend, and of course that's when we go on dates and my friends would be like "What's wrong with her?" So I dumped her. OH, my cousin wanted to meet you. Of course, he probably just wants to fuck you, but when I told him you had a boyfriend, he was like "Forget it."
M: Um, good.
D: Yeah, he's weird. He only talks about sexual things. He would probably just say "Hey babe" and grab your arm or something.
M: I don't think I'd want to meet him.
A: Yeah me neither.
D: Well, I could always tell him to come hang out with us tonight and that the girl who has a boyfriend is up for anything. He'd totally fuck you then.
M: NO, thank you.
D: But of course I wouldn't do that. That's mean.
A: I WANNA GO CHECK MY EMAIL. NOW. IN THE HOTEL ROOM. LET'S GO.
And that is where it ended. He said he'd be calling me tonight to go walk on the beach or something, but I won't answer my phone. Or I'll tell him I don't want to. Or I can't. FUCK WHY DID I GIVE HIM MY FUCKING CELL PHONE NUMBER? (Miriam wrote that.)
And now we feel incredibly violated and if anyone would like to volunteer a day to fly over and shoot him, we'd be forever grateful.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND we're done. Please comment and tell us that you love us and you don't want us to be raped. Haha.
Ciao my loves,
Well, OUR loves,
M and A