And I know that when I see you I'm going to die I know I'm going to want you and you know why
::Sighs:: I don't know what's wrong with me. What did I do to end up like this? Letting people mistreat the fuck outta me, and manipulating my mind to make me think it's my fault.... I try to be nice, I've put up with a lot of shit for a long time and I need to stop letting people control me and manipulate me...
So it started early today when Marilynn and I picked Zac and Cade up to take Zac to cash his check... All was fine and dandy. Until Zac decided later on he wanted to sit up front and stuck me with assface. I sat there, fighting tears the entire time... and about 10 minutes into the ride he says "I'm sorry... hug me." So that started it. Zac got his check.. bought some Kessler, and the 3 of us went to Cade's to get drunk. I only had 4 or 5 shots, but was pretty damn buzzed. Zac and Cade were wasted. Then Zac left. Cade and I sat there a while, kept drinking... started kissing... ya know. about an hour later, someone called, and Cade ran outside almost naked. He ran back upstairs, stripped again, and passed out. He did this 4 or 5 times, yelling at me the entire time about his clothes, being inside-out. By then, I was so pissed off, I was to the point of going plum off. He started getting really, really aggressive, and hitting my leg. He was yelling, and throwing stuff, so I decided to call Marilynn and go home before it escalated. While I was waiting for her to return my call... We got into it because I called him an idiot, which is exactly what he was being. Then as I was talking to her, he kept going on and on, so I said he was being an ass, and told him I was leaving and I wasn't gonna take him treating me like shit. Then when I hung up, all hell broke loose. it started with "If you leave, we're done, I'll never speak to you again.." and "you fucking whore, why don't you go fuck my cousins some more?" and I told him about how me and Zac did stuff here the other night and told him I was gonna call Coyie tomorrow. I despise Cade Woods right now. I don't know why I let him do shit like that to me. Not anymore. No sirree. I'm not gonna do this to myself anymore. I don't know if any of my friends have realized it, but when I get really nervous, I tense up sorta like I'm shivering, and it hurts real bad. My muscles are sore right now. Real sore. ::sighs:: I just don't know what to do. I don't want to be with Cade, but I hate the thought of being alone. 3 years is long enough. Is it too much to ask for someone who wont degrade me?, or yell at me?, or hit me?, or blame everything that's wrong in his life on me?
started talking to Jay again today. I missed him a lot.
I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-girlfriend
I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-girlfriend
I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-girlfriend
I hope I hold a special place with the rest of them
And you know it makes me sick to be on that list
But I should have thought of that before we kissed
You say you're gonna burn before you mellow
I will be the one to burn you
Why'd you have to go and pick me?
When you knew that we were different, completely
I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-girlfriend
I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-girlfriend
I hope I hold a special place with the rest of them
I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-girlfriend
I'm another ex-girlfriend on your list
But I should have thought of that before we kissed
Your wildness scares me
So does your freedom
You say you can't stand the restrictions
I find myself trying to change you
If you were meant to be my lover I wouldn't have to
And I feel so mean, I feel in between
'Cause I'm about to give you away
I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-girlfriend (for someone else to take)
I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-girlfriend (am I making a mistake?)
I hope I hold a special place with the rest of them (all the time that we wasted)
I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-girl, friend
I'm another ex-girlfriend on your list
But I should have thought of that before we kissed
I'm another ex-girlfriend on your list
But I should have thought of that before we kissed
I'm about to give you away for someone else to take
I'm about to give you away for someone else to take
We keep repeating mistakes for souvenirs
And we've been in between the days for years
And I know that when I see you I'm going to die
I know I'm going to want you and you know why
It's going to kill me to see you with the next girl
'Cause I'm the most gorgeously jealous kind of ex-girl
But I should have thought of that before we kissed...
I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-girlfriend
I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-girlfriend
I hope I hold a special place with the rest of them
I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-girlfriend
I'm another ex-girlfriend on your list
But I should have thought of that before we kissed
I'm another ex-girlfriend on your list
But I should have thought of that before we kissed