!Found! Kirk and Spock go to New Vulcan
Update: The fic is called The Lotus Eaters (one of my all-time favorites; 10/10 would recommend) and the part that I was remembering was the very end of it. I got it mixed up with some other fics and thought it was it's own thing because when I read it for the first I had been reading a /lot/ of spirk fic and I guess it all got jumbled up.
Ok so I read this fic a little while back and no matter what I do I just can't find it.
I know I read it on Ao3 but for whatever reason I cannot find it in my history.
Its an AOS fic set after the 2009 movie. It deals with the effects of Jim's meld with Spock Prime on Delta Vega. I believe Jim and Spock go to New Vulcan and Jim keeps having flashes of the other Jim's life. He's falling in love with Spock but he thinks it's because of memories he has of the other him with Spock Prime. Eventually Jim decides to go see a Vulcan healer who says she can lock these memories away but he will not remember having those memories or why he came to visit the healer. He agrees and it works and he's happier but he gets a message on his padd that he sent to himself asking "Am I still in love with Spock?" he wonders if that's what he was trying to forget by going to the healer. I can't entirely remember what happens after that but he comes to the conclusion that he is still in love with him and I'm pretty sure it ends in smut.
OK sorry I also just remembered this part which is kinda weird and oddly specific but every detail helps right? I think Jim is really struggling with the loss of so many of his crew and the effects of having both him and the other Jim and Spock Prime's memories and he's totally out of sorts. So after a little while on New Vulcan he slept in Spock's bed for some reason (this might not be entirely accurate) but when he wakes up he has a boner and he's like !!!! bc he hasn't felt good enough for that to happen since whatever happened. So he's masturbating a little and Spock walks back into the room and it's super awkward.
That's all I got.
Please help this is actually killing me that I can't remember