app
Character: Susan Sto Helit
Series: Terry Pratchett's Discworld
Character Age: "Roughly 21" in the last book she featured in. The series proper is like five books ahead of that now.
Job: Monster Discipline Specialist
Canon (mild Death-related spoilers): The Discworld is a flat world on the back of a turtle, governed largely by magic, whimsy and what Pratchett calls "narrativium" but I fondly think of as "the lulz." Gods, anthropomorphic personifications, wizards, witches and magical creatures abound, but most of them are just like regular people, really. All Discworld things tend to get a bit human around the edges, and heredity works in ways Darwin would definitely not approve of.
So here's the story: Susan Sto Helit is Death's granddaughter. By adoption. Susan is a sensible, reliable, no-nonsense young lady who occasionally walks through doors without pausing to open them first. Other things she has inherited from her grandfather include a penetrating stare capable of making the most terrifying ghoul feel like a five-year-old that has just been caught with a hand in the cookiejar, the Voice and physics-defying hair. Pratchett has described her as a kind of Goth Mary Poppins. She has no patience with fuzzy thinking and tends to remain calm in baffling situations. Socially, however, she has a hard time relating to people whose mortality she is acutely aware of. Her last mentioned romantic interest was Time, though, so no worries there. She likes chocolate, the colour black, and children -- provided they belong to other people. She has worked as a governess and a primary school teacher. Unlike most governesses, Susan will take you seriously if you tell her there is a monster under your bed. Then she will drag it out and beat it up with a domestic utensil.
(note: referencing permission granted by Death)
Sample Post:
Hello. I'm here about that position you advertised. Don't be silly, of course you advertised for a Monster Discipline Specialist. Let me get my references... oops, hang on a tick. Hey, you! Yes, you, with the guts all hanging out. Don't think I can't see you just because you're dead. You were going to eat my brain, weren't you? I thought so. Do you know what happens to naughty zombies who try to eat my brain? That's right, you don't want the poker, do you? Oh come now, don't give me that look. Here, put your eye back in - it's unsanitary, not to mention rude. Now run along, off you go! Shoo! And spit that out, you don't know where it's been! Oh, it's your arm. All right, I suppose you do know where that's been. Carry on then.
Goodness, I can certainly see I'm needed around here. Now, where were we? Oh yes, my references. Yes, I know they're rather long, but I think you'll find I've placed the most pertinent ones near the top. Mmm-hmm. Yes, that was a few years ago, of course. Yes, with a poker. Mmm-hmm. Right, well, if that's all in order, let's move on to discussing my salary... My Grandfather? I don't see how that's relevant to my terms of employment. I said I don't see how that's relevant- yes, I thought you'd see things my way.
If you must know I am hoping to catch up with him here. Honestly, this disappearing act of his is getting quite old. And who is it that's expected to drop everything and pick up the scythe whenever he feels like gadding about with the mortals? Oh yes, that would be me. Not to worry though, I've got friends keeping an eye on things back home. We're not having a repeat of that dreadful life-force-buildup business! One tiny animated rodent skeleton hanging about and eating my chocolates is quite enough. Anyway, I might as well clean up a bit over here while I'm around. I must say you've let your monster collection get quite out of hand. Goodness, look at all these rabbits! Yes, they do breed like the proverbial, don't they? What you need is some sort of predator -- how do you feel about giant cats? Just something to think about. I'm not touching the tentacle monster, though -- frankly anybody stupid enough to go for a swim in that sewer of a lake has it coming.
voted
Series: Terry Pratchett's Discworld
Character Age: "Roughly 21" in the last book she featured in. The series proper is like five books ahead of that now.
Job: Monster Discipline Specialist
Canon (mild Death-related spoilers): The Discworld is a flat world on the back of a turtle, governed largely by magic, whimsy and what Pratchett calls "narrativium" but I fondly think of as "the lulz." Gods, anthropomorphic personifications, wizards, witches and magical creatures abound, but most of them are just like regular people, really. All Discworld things tend to get a bit human around the edges, and heredity works in ways Darwin would definitely not approve of.
So here's the story: Susan Sto Helit is Death's granddaughter. By adoption. Susan is a sensible, reliable, no-nonsense young lady who occasionally walks through doors without pausing to open them first. Other things she has inherited from her grandfather include a penetrating stare capable of making the most terrifying ghoul feel like a five-year-old that has just been caught with a hand in the cookiejar, the Voice and physics-defying hair. Pratchett has described her as a kind of Goth Mary Poppins. She has no patience with fuzzy thinking and tends to remain calm in baffling situations. Socially, however, she has a hard time relating to people whose mortality she is acutely aware of. Her last mentioned romantic interest was Time, though, so no worries there. She likes chocolate, the colour black, and children -- provided they belong to other people. She has worked as a governess and a primary school teacher. Unlike most governesses, Susan will take you seriously if you tell her there is a monster under your bed. Then she will drag it out and beat it up with a domestic utensil.
(note: referencing permission granted by Death)
Sample Post:
Hello. I'm here about that position you advertised. Don't be silly, of course you advertised for a Monster Discipline Specialist. Let me get my references... oops, hang on a tick. Hey, you! Yes, you, with the guts all hanging out. Don't think I can't see you just because you're dead. You were going to eat my brain, weren't you? I thought so. Do you know what happens to naughty zombies who try to eat my brain? That's right, you don't want the poker, do you? Oh come now, don't give me that look. Here, put your eye back in - it's unsanitary, not to mention rude. Now run along, off you go! Shoo! And spit that out, you don't know where it's been! Oh, it's your arm. All right, I suppose you do know where that's been. Carry on then.
Goodness, I can certainly see I'm needed around here. Now, where were we? Oh yes, my references. Yes, I know they're rather long, but I think you'll find I've placed the most pertinent ones near the top. Mmm-hmm. Yes, that was a few years ago, of course. Yes, with a poker. Mmm-hmm. Right, well, if that's all in order, let's move on to discussing my salary... My Grandfather? I don't see how that's relevant to my terms of employment. I said I don't see how that's relevant- yes, I thought you'd see things my way.
If you must know I am hoping to catch up with him here. Honestly, this disappearing act of his is getting quite old. And who is it that's expected to drop everything and pick up the scythe whenever he feels like gadding about with the mortals? Oh yes, that would be me. Not to worry though, I've got friends keeping an eye on things back home. We're not having a repeat of that dreadful life-force-buildup business! One tiny animated rodent skeleton hanging about and eating my chocolates is quite enough. Anyway, I might as well clean up a bit over here while I'm around. I must say you've let your monster collection get quite out of hand. Goodness, look at all these rabbits! Yes, they do breed like the proverbial, don't they? What you need is some sort of predator -- how do you feel about giant cats? Just something to think about. I'm not touching the tentacle monster, though -- frankly anybody stupid enough to go for a swim in that sewer of a lake has it coming.
voted