IT WAS THE BEST OF TIMES, IT WAS THE WORST OF TIMES.

[sseabbird]

     Yes I feel myself filling up with things to say, but not really taking the time to agknowledge much of it... if that makes sense.
Sometimes I'd much rather sit and stare at the t.v. , but I can't do that because it gets me no where. At this point in my transition, I still feel the same sometimes... like nothing much has changed, and I'm still

Comments

[alternativegeek]

Okay, Austin, first of all, you deserve MORE than just "one point"!!! Maybe FIFTY BILLION.

Next, you are the same person, mind-wise, even if some of your tendencies/such have changed.. You have always been male- and so the fact that you haven't automatically changed makes complete and total sense!

I think this new surgeon sounds great. I think you need to give yourself more credit for everything you've gone through with not much help from the outside.

of course, nothing is ever going to be perfect, but you have to acknowledge just how far you've come with yourself!

[sseabbird]

I don't really expect things to be perfect, but I have expectations beyond my physical control that I need to let go of, and it pisses me off sometimes that I just can't. I wasn't talking about my personality...it was about the physical stuff, but I know what you mean.
I can't afford the new surgeon...there's just no way. I'd spend another 3 years of my life saving up because I have no other way to get the money, and I can't wait that long. I do think she's a better surgeon though... too bad I didn't pick her. She said the stuff that was already done to my chest looked pretty good so far. I had a consultation set up with her a year ago before I went with my original surgeon. I canceled it. Eh, oh well...not much I can do about it now.
The point in writing this was to show that sometimes I battle with myself. It's not all fun and happy through the whole process. But I think I do have more happy days more often now.

[alternativegeek]

Oh-- I was going off the first line about how you wondered sometimes about why it all didn't seem changed, or something. ack, sorry. But yeah, of course, there's this vision all-around of what it means to be a perfect man, but no one, not even biomen, can live up to that sometimes. Biologically, you might always be wishing there was better technology/surgery for you, but that's normal- but don't forget that you have T, and you're almost done with your chest journey.

[ghost_of_onyx]

This post really resonated with me.

I, too, sometimes wonder why things can't just be a little more simple. Transsexuality is such a setback.

[sseabbird]

Yeah it's been a good thing, but at times it seems more complicated than it has to be. I'm not always thinking about the bad stuff though...most of the time I'm actually happy..it's just good to vent sometimes. :O)