The Heroes Blue Balls Non-Pr0n Meme!!!
Finally...at last...it's here! The fic meme that's made of crack! The purpose of the Heroes Blue Balls Non-Pr0n Meme is to start with a scenario that sounds like it's going to be incredibly XXX-rated...but then write a ficlet (or full-fledged fic) based on it that is completely innocent. Not completely sure what I'm talking about? Here's an example:
"Sylar gently cups Mohinder's chin and stares deeply into his eyes. By using one of his many abilities in an unusual way, he has detected that Mohinder has early stage glaucoma. They visit a doctor who treats Mohinder and explains to him the importance of frequent visits to the opthamologist, and Sylar confesses that he had to take over the family business because his father ignored the early warning signs of eye disease and eventually was unable to perform the work anymore. Then they have ice cream."
So if this kind of insanity is right up your alley, please join in! If you'd like some rules, here they are:
Rule #1. Fics can be any length: 2 sentences or 8,000 words. You can post the fic/ficlet in a comment here, or post it at your own LJ and then link to it in a comment.
Rule #2. The only content requirement is that the fic has to start out sounding dirty, but wind up being non-sexual. You can use one of the helpful prompts listed below, or invent your own filthy situation to clean up. Also, the main intent of this challenge is to produce crack, but if you come up with a serious plotbunny...hey, go for it!
Rule #3. Please do give a bit of a header for each fic/ficlet. Let us know what character(s) are involved, a rating, and any warnings for spoilers or anything else shocking (e.g., Matt and Mohinder stripping at bachelorette parties to earn money for Molly's priate school tuition might warrant a bit of a head's-up for thong exposure).
Rule #4. People who do not follow the rules will be beaten with Matt Parkman's thong. Unless you're into that sort of thing, in which case you'll be beaten with Maury Parkman's thong. Unless you're into that sort of thing, in which case...ewww.
Rule #5. Anonymous commenting is allowed, so if you're nervous about sharing your crack, feel free to do so that way.
Rule #6. There is no rule #6.
Prompts, you ask? All prompts that were suggested over the weekend are below the cut. However, feel free to come up with your own!!!
General
"It's not like we're brother and sister," Claire said.
Claire had been wondering for a while... when it finally popped, would it grow back?
"Is this the way it's supposed to feel?" Claire whispered, smiling.
"Well," Claire said, blushing, "you should see what I do with my brother."
"Jesus," Claire moaned, "I didn't know I could just... explode like that."
Monica gazed at the television. Micah's ability had allowed her to browse late-night cable TV and learn all kinds of interesting new skills, but this one promised to be more useful than most-- and fun, too.
“You are so beautiful," Sylar murmured.
It was even more fun than killing people, Sylar thought. The look on his face, the way his body reacted... he could do this for hours.
"Have you ever done it while flying?" Nathan asked, grinning wickedly.
Nathan couldn't hold himself back any more.
"Come on," Nathan groaned. "If you keep me waiting any longer, I'll have to start without you."
"It's just never been like this before," Matt admitted.
Though the Haitian didn't say a word, his silken touch was more than eloquent.
"Oooooh..." A moan escaped ____'s parted lips.
"I'll bet daddy doesn't know how naughty you can be," ____ said.
With a devilish smirk, ____ tore open the square foil packet.
"Come and give it to me, big boy," _____ said.
With a cry, he spilled his essence.
Their sweat-slick bodies writhed against each other.
She was a gorgeous blonde with curves in all the right places.
(anything involving the phrase "tight heat")
Het
Hiro closed his eyes as a small gasp escaped Yaeko's lips.
Sylar closed the door behind him and took Maya in his arms, kissing her deeply. "You've given me so much, too."
It was an unusual use of a paintbrush, but based on Simone's face, Isaac figured it was working.
As Elle leaves Peter's cell after yet another attempt to seduce him, Adam says through the wall, "Be careful Peter. I succumbed in a moment of weakness to her six years ago. Want me to tell you about it?"
Slash
"Yes! Yes!" Elle howled, throwing her head back in ecstasy. "Take him from behind!"
Mohinder had never thought about another man that way, but it was hard to resist that look in his eyes.
Nathan looked away uncomfortably as Peter sprawled lazily across the waterbed.
Nathan's muscles strained. "Pete, are you coming?"
Sylar gently cupped Mohinder's chin and stared deeply into his eyes.
If Mohinder had known he was Sylar, he never would have allowed Zane to do it. Now, he was truly in a bad position. And yet he didn't want to stop.
"I think it feels better when I do it without hands," Sylar whispered into Mohinder's ear.
"So what is this painting? Mohinder asked. "It looks like you... and me...and a bed..." Sylar replied. Mohinder blushed. "Are we doing what I think we're doing?" he asked. "Yep, about five minutes from now," Sylar replied.
Molly is having a sleepover at a friend’s house, and Matt and Mohinder find themselves alone for the evening.
Groggy in the morning, Matt opens the bathroom door and comes across Mohinder naked, just out of the shower. His jaw drops.
Matt's in the police car alone and calls Mohinder. "Hey Mohinder. So... what are you wearing?"
Standing outside the bathroom, Matt gaped at what he could hear in Mohinder's thoughts. How long had the good doctor been thinking such things about him?
"Please, Matt," Mohinder begged, "I've never done it in a bathroom before."
Adam gives Peter the once-over and states, "We simply must get you out of these clothes."
Peter pressed his lithe body against the wall to Adam's cell, purring, "I'm ready, baby."
Adam drummed his fingers along Hiro's back, wondering for a moment if this was his first time.
"Adam was right," Peter said, looking down at Hiro bemusedly. "You do look like a carp when you open your mouth."
"It's a lot more interesting when we're both invisible, innit, mate?" Claude whispered in Peter's ear.
He dug his fingers into Ando's hair, making enough racket to raise the dead in Australia.
He had thought being tied up was punishment enough, but it turned out that Sylar had a lot more in store.
Peter paused in the middle of yanking Mohinder's pants off. "Orange? You wear orange boxers?" he asked, and then continued, "although, it's definitely not a problem."
Peter gripped the instrument in his hands and pointed it at Mohinder, who gasped as a stream of pearly liquid splashed across his face.
Claude jumped a foot when he heard Noah's voice from behind him: "This will be a lot less painful if we use the oil."
* * * * * * *
So...get cracking, everyone! Figuratively and literally!
Note: the banner for the meme was made by the lovely and gracious
dacian_goddess, who's also hard at work making a participation banner for all you writers!