Fic: The Zombie Diaries (Sylar, Mohinder, Nathan, Peter, Hiro, Claire, Noah Bennet, PG)
Title: The Zombie Diaries
Rating: PG
Words: 1850
Characters: Ensemble (Sylar, Mohinder, Nathan, Peter, Hiro, Claire, Noah Bennet)
Warnings: Crack. Crack. More crack. Probable OOC behavior. Some implied character deaths, but nothing graphic.
Spoilers: Through the end of S2
Disclaimer: Not my characters, not writing this for profit.
A/N: What happens when you're kind of down, and you drink a couple glasses of wine, and then decide to write some crack? Apparently, this is what happens.
Summary: What if zombies suddenly started taking over the world, and the various Heroes were working together to fight them? And kept diaries as they did so? Maybe, it might go something like this.
Handwritten note found in the main hallway of the Petrelli mansion, 16-Jun-2008
I, Nathan Petrelli, being of sound mind and body...well, that’s not exactly true, is it? Otherwise, I wouldn’t be writing this. If you ever find this, Peter, just know that I’d rather you didn’t try to save me. Messing around with timelines is what got us into this mess in the first place - at least, that’s what Ma tells me. And she appeared to have tears in her eyes when she told me that, so I tend to believe her. I think.
Actually, Pete, if you do find this, you should probably go to look for her. When they first broke down the door, I fought as hard as I could, but they overwhelmed me pretty quickly. Then Ma came down the stairs and stared at them, and they took one look at her and ran. Well, they shambled off as quickly as they could. She followed them and I could hear their moans retreating back down the street. That was four hours ago, and I haven’t seen her since. And...well, I can’t wait much longer. I’m starting to think that that Sylar guy had the right idea when he started eating brains.
Don’t worry about things, Pete. I know you can take care of yourself. You’re the strongest of us - at least, that’s what Ma tells me. And she only rolled her eyes a little bit when she told me that, so I tend to believe her. I think.
There’s just one more thing I need to tell you. You remember a few months ago, back when all this was starting, when I stopped by your place and you were with that pretty African-American girl? Well...I did her. Maybe two years ago. Met her at one of Dad’s deadly boring cocktail parties. Heidi was away on a church retreat for a week, and I’d had a couple of drinks, and before I knew it, we were in the upstairs bedroom. It never happened again - she said she’d only done it because she’d had a fight with her boyfriend, and then she said something about him getting a smack, or something - but you seemed to really like her, and I’ve felt a little guilty about never being honest with you about it.
Wow. I feel a lot better now that I’ve gotten that off my chest. Don’t you?
* * * * * * *
Diary entry, Claire Bennet, 19-Jun-2008
Life is so unfair. Things finally quieted down after Dad left us to go work for the Company, and I got my new cheerleading outfit. We were spending the day working on a new formation down at school, so that we won’t get out of practice over the summer, and all of a sudden these creatures, who smelled like they were rotting or something, came walking out onto the football field. And instead of watching me lead the cheer, everyone started screaming and running away. Mom had come down to watch, and even she did it. She grabbed Mr. Muggles and ran off and left me there. I had to walk all the way home because stupid West still won’t talk to me when I call him. And to top it all off, I think I’m getting a pimple.
* * * * * * *
Transcript of cell phone call, 24-Jun-2008
BENNET: Hello?
MOHINDER: Bennet? Where are you? You need to get Hiro, and get back here now.
[In the distance, screams can be heard]
BENNET: What’s the problem?
MOHINDER: Things are totally out of control here! [More distant screaming]
BENNET: [sighs] You’re going to have to be a little more specific, Suresh.
MOHINDER: [as the screaming is suddenly cut off and replaced by gurgles] Sylar just pushed Peter off the rooftop into a group of zombies!
SYLAR: [in background] I just wanted to see how well his regenerative ability worked. Think of it as a scientific experiment, professor.
MOHINDER: Shut the hell up! [to Bennet] We are now stranded up here with no way out, and those...those things have Peter! They’re trying to eat him! My God, they’re ripping him in half!
SYLAR: [in background] I know. It’s so cool.
MOHINDER: Did I or did I not tell you to shut the hell up?!? [to Bennet] What am I supposed to do now?
BENNET: You’re resourceful. Just calm down. I’m sure you’ll think of something.
MOHINDER: How do you expect me to calm down and think when I’m standing next to a brain-stealing psychopath on top of a building that’s surrounded by the brainless howling undead?
SYLAR: [in background] Wait a minute. They’re literally ripping him in half. And he regenerates. So does this mean...if they rip him exactly in half...and each half regenerates...
MOHINDER: Just...just...SHUT. UP. [to Bennet] I don’t know how you expect me to be able to get inside this building and...wait a minute... [to Sylar] Where do you think you’re going?
SYLAR: [in background] I have to get down there and rescue him. Or at least what’s left of him. If you think I’m going to put up with two Peters whining at me -
MOHINDER: Bennet?!? Bennet, I need backup!
BENNET: Peter will be just fine, I’m sure.
MOHINDER: Fine? Fine? He’s...my God...
PETER: [faintly, from below] I’m not dead yet!
MOHINDER: Um...
PETER: [faintly, from below] I’m getting better!
MOHINDER: Uh...
SYLAR: [in background] On the other hand, if there are two of him, then that means I could have one. I could cut his head open and... [long silence] Why are you looking at me like that? You’d still have the original Peter! And I’d have all his shiny, lovely toys -
MOHINDER: Bennet!!!
BENNET: Look, I’m sure it’ll all work out in the end. But just in case it doesn’t, you should probably get off the phone. If Peter does wind up getting permanently killed, you’re not going to have any way of recharging the battery.
MOHINDER: Bennet, don’t you dare hang up on me! Bennet! Hello?
* * * * * * *
Diary entry, Nakamura Hiro, 27-Jun-2008
Today I was very happy to meet again Peter Petrelli. But very surprised because now there are two of him! This is good thing because it means more people who can travel in time and find way to stop zombies from being made. I asked if there is way for us to make four of him, or maybe even eight, to fight zombies even more, but he did not want to talk about it.
I also meet Brain Man, who is called Sylar. He is person who killed Charlie, but if Peter Petrelli think we need to work with him to save people, I will do it. I make joke about how zombies take even more brains than him, but he does not have sense of humor. He did tell me that he could show me how to make more copies of Peter, but Dr. Suresh get angry and have words with him.
Also I find out that Flying Man was eaten by zombies. I was very sad. Tomorrow morning, I eat frozen waffles in his honor.
* * * * * * *
Diary entry, one of the Peter Petrellis, 02-Jul-2008
I am so tired of him lording it over me. Just because he has the original brain, he likes to say that he’s the “real” Peter Petrelli and I’m just a copy. But I have all the same memories as him. I even have the same birthmark on my left buttock. If the two of us were standing there naked next to each other, you’d never be able to tell us apart. And yet he keeps trying to insist that he’s somehow more authentic than me!
This morning, as we were going down to breakfast, he tried to claim that Nathan would have loved him more! I told him that Nathan would have loved both of us exactly the same way - that he would have been overjoyed to have both of us. I must have been too loud, because everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at us. Except for Claire, who pulled out a BlackBerry and started typing something. I asked her what she was doing, and she just said she was writing a story. I asked if I could read it and she turned really red and said, maybe later.
I hope it’s a romance story. I kinda have a soft spot for those.
* * * * * * *
Diary entry, Sylar, 07-Jul-2008
[Initial note at the top of the page] I do so love keeping this journal of my innermost thoughts and feelings. If only that horrible, mean Dr. Suresh would stop invading my privacy and emotionally assaulting me by reading it when he thinks I can’t hear him doing so.
[Beneath this, in neatly-printed capitals in a different handwriting] I KNOW YOU FIND YOURSELF EXTREMELY AMUSING, BUT REST ASSURED, YOU AREN’T.
So you’re admitting that you read my diary, then?
THE ONLY REASON I READ YOUR DIARY IS BECAUSE, AFTER THAT FIASCO WITH THE UNDEAD SPECIAL, SOMEONE HAS TO KEEP TABS ON WHAT YOU’RE UP TO.
What do you mean, ‘fiasco’? He was already dead. Who cares whether or not I took his ability? You ought to be thanking me - it prevented him from possibly using it against live humans.
AND YOU COULD HAVE INFECTED YOURSELF WITH WHATEVER IT WAS THAT TURNED HIM INTO A ZOMBIE. YOU ENDANGERED US ALL FOR YOUR OWN SELFISH GAIN.
‘Selfish’? And what, exactly, would you call reading someone else’s private diary while justifying it with morally vague reasons that coincidentally suit your own personal wants and needs?
I REFUSE TO DISCUSS THIS ANY FURTHER.
So you admit I’m right, then?
I AM NOT ADMITTING ANYTHING. I SIMPLY REFUSE TO ALLOW YOU TO TWIST MY WORDS.
Am I twisting your words? Or pointing out facts that are inconvenient because they disrupt your world view, in which you are a paragon of good and I’m horrible and evil?
I HARDLY PRETEND THAT I AM PERFECT. BUT I THINK THAT THE AVERAGE PERSON, UPON EXAMINING YOUR ACTIONS AND MINE, WOULD CONCLUDE THAT MINE ARE MORE ACCEPTABLE AND CONTRIBUTING MORE TOWARDS THE PRESERVATION AND SALVATION OF THE HUMAN RACE.
Interesting. Despite your previous comment to the contrary, we seem to still be discussing this. In fact, you appear to have snuck into my room multiple times to read my diary and continue a discussion that you purported to no longer want to participate in. Would you care to enlighten me on your reasons for doing so?
[No further comments appear on this day’s page.]
* * * * * * *
Diary entry, Sylar, 08-Jul-2008
Well. That seems to have taken care of Suresh. Now I just need to draw some “pictures” of “the future” that show the Peters dying in various horrible ways, and hopefully that will stop them from snooping around in my journal, too.
Rating: PG
Words: 1850
Characters: Ensemble (Sylar, Mohinder, Nathan, Peter, Hiro, Claire, Noah Bennet)
Warnings: Crack. Crack. More crack. Probable OOC behavior. Some implied character deaths, but nothing graphic.
Spoilers: Through the end of S2
Disclaimer: Not my characters, not writing this for profit.
A/N: What happens when you're kind of down, and you drink a couple glasses of wine, and then decide to write some crack? Apparently, this is what happens.
Summary: What if zombies suddenly started taking over the world, and the various Heroes were working together to fight them? And kept diaries as they did so? Maybe, it might go something like this.
Handwritten note found in the main hallway of the Petrelli mansion, 16-Jun-2008
I, Nathan Petrelli, being of sound mind and body...well, that’s not exactly true, is it? Otherwise, I wouldn’t be writing this. If you ever find this, Peter, just know that I’d rather you didn’t try to save me. Messing around with timelines is what got us into this mess in the first place - at least, that’s what Ma tells me. And she appeared to have tears in her eyes when she told me that, so I tend to believe her. I think.
Actually, Pete, if you do find this, you should probably go to look for her. When they first broke down the door, I fought as hard as I could, but they overwhelmed me pretty quickly. Then Ma came down the stairs and stared at them, and they took one look at her and ran. Well, they shambled off as quickly as they could. She followed them and I could hear their moans retreating back down the street. That was four hours ago, and I haven’t seen her since. And...well, I can’t wait much longer. I’m starting to think that that Sylar guy had the right idea when he started eating brains.
Don’t worry about things, Pete. I know you can take care of yourself. You’re the strongest of us - at least, that’s what Ma tells me. And she only rolled her eyes a little bit when she told me that, so I tend to believe her. I think.
There’s just one more thing I need to tell you. You remember a few months ago, back when all this was starting, when I stopped by your place and you were with that pretty African-American girl? Well...I did her. Maybe two years ago. Met her at one of Dad’s deadly boring cocktail parties. Heidi was away on a church retreat for a week, and I’d had a couple of drinks, and before I knew it, we were in the upstairs bedroom. It never happened again - she said she’d only done it because she’d had a fight with her boyfriend, and then she said something about him getting a smack, or something - but you seemed to really like her, and I’ve felt a little guilty about never being honest with you about it.
Wow. I feel a lot better now that I’ve gotten that off my chest. Don’t you?
* * * * * * *
Diary entry, Claire Bennet, 19-Jun-2008
Life is so unfair. Things finally quieted down after Dad left us to go work for the Company, and I got my new cheerleading outfit. We were spending the day working on a new formation down at school, so that we won’t get out of practice over the summer, and all of a sudden these creatures, who smelled like they were rotting or something, came walking out onto the football field. And instead of watching me lead the cheer, everyone started screaming and running away. Mom had come down to watch, and even she did it. She grabbed Mr. Muggles and ran off and left me there. I had to walk all the way home because stupid West still won’t talk to me when I call him. And to top it all off, I think I’m getting a pimple.
* * * * * * *
Transcript of cell phone call, 24-Jun-2008
BENNET: Hello?
MOHINDER: Bennet? Where are you? You need to get Hiro, and get back here now.
[In the distance, screams can be heard]
BENNET: What’s the problem?
MOHINDER: Things are totally out of control here! [More distant screaming]
BENNET: [sighs] You’re going to have to be a little more specific, Suresh.
MOHINDER: [as the screaming is suddenly cut off and replaced by gurgles] Sylar just pushed Peter off the rooftop into a group of zombies!
SYLAR: [in background] I just wanted to see how well his regenerative ability worked. Think of it as a scientific experiment, professor.
MOHINDER: Shut the hell up! [to Bennet] We are now stranded up here with no way out, and those...those things have Peter! They’re trying to eat him! My God, they’re ripping him in half!
SYLAR: [in background] I know. It’s so cool.
MOHINDER: Did I or did I not tell you to shut the hell up?!? [to Bennet] What am I supposed to do now?
BENNET: You’re resourceful. Just calm down. I’m sure you’ll think of something.
MOHINDER: How do you expect me to calm down and think when I’m standing next to a brain-stealing psychopath on top of a building that’s surrounded by the brainless howling undead?
SYLAR: [in background] Wait a minute. They’re literally ripping him in half. And he regenerates. So does this mean...if they rip him exactly in half...and each half regenerates...
MOHINDER: Just...just...SHUT. UP. [to Bennet] I don’t know how you expect me to be able to get inside this building and...wait a minute... [to Sylar] Where do you think you’re going?
SYLAR: [in background] I have to get down there and rescue him. Or at least what’s left of him. If you think I’m going to put up with two Peters whining at me -
MOHINDER: Bennet?!? Bennet, I need backup!
BENNET: Peter will be just fine, I’m sure.
MOHINDER: Fine? Fine? He’s...my God...
PETER: [faintly, from below] I’m not dead yet!
MOHINDER: Um...
PETER: [faintly, from below] I’m getting better!
MOHINDER: Uh...
SYLAR: [in background] On the other hand, if there are two of him, then that means I could have one. I could cut his head open and... [long silence] Why are you looking at me like that? You’d still have the original Peter! And I’d have all his shiny, lovely toys -
MOHINDER: Bennet!!!
BENNET: Look, I’m sure it’ll all work out in the end. But just in case it doesn’t, you should probably get off the phone. If Peter does wind up getting permanently killed, you’re not going to have any way of recharging the battery.
MOHINDER: Bennet, don’t you dare hang up on me! Bennet! Hello?
* * * * * * *
Diary entry, Nakamura Hiro, 27-Jun-2008
Today I was very happy to meet again Peter Petrelli. But very surprised because now there are two of him! This is good thing because it means more people who can travel in time and find way to stop zombies from being made. I asked if there is way for us to make four of him, or maybe even eight, to fight zombies even more, but he did not want to talk about it.
I also meet Brain Man, who is called Sylar. He is person who killed Charlie, but if Peter Petrelli think we need to work with him to save people, I will do it. I make joke about how zombies take even more brains than him, but he does not have sense of humor. He did tell me that he could show me how to make more copies of Peter, but Dr. Suresh get angry and have words with him.
Also I find out that Flying Man was eaten by zombies. I was very sad. Tomorrow morning, I eat frozen waffles in his honor.
* * * * * * *
Diary entry, one of the Peter Petrellis, 02-Jul-2008
I am so tired of him lording it over me. Just because he has the original brain, he likes to say that he’s the “real” Peter Petrelli and I’m just a copy. But I have all the same memories as him. I even have the same birthmark on my left buttock. If the two of us were standing there naked next to each other, you’d never be able to tell us apart. And yet he keeps trying to insist that he’s somehow more authentic than me!
This morning, as we were going down to breakfast, he tried to claim that Nathan would have loved him more! I told him that Nathan would have loved both of us exactly the same way - that he would have been overjoyed to have both of us. I must have been too loud, because everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at us. Except for Claire, who pulled out a BlackBerry and started typing something. I asked her what she was doing, and she just said she was writing a story. I asked if I could read it and she turned really red and said, maybe later.
I hope it’s a romance story. I kinda have a soft spot for those.
* * * * * * *
Diary entry, Sylar, 07-Jul-2008
[Initial note at the top of the page] I do so love keeping this journal of my innermost thoughts and feelings. If only that horrible, mean Dr. Suresh would stop invading my privacy and emotionally assaulting me by reading it when he thinks I can’t hear him doing so.
[Beneath this, in neatly-printed capitals in a different handwriting] I KNOW YOU FIND YOURSELF EXTREMELY AMUSING, BUT REST ASSURED, YOU AREN’T.
So you’re admitting that you read my diary, then?
THE ONLY REASON I READ YOUR DIARY IS BECAUSE, AFTER THAT FIASCO WITH THE UNDEAD SPECIAL, SOMEONE HAS TO KEEP TABS ON WHAT YOU’RE UP TO.
What do you mean, ‘fiasco’? He was already dead. Who cares whether or not I took his ability? You ought to be thanking me - it prevented him from possibly using it against live humans.
AND YOU COULD HAVE INFECTED YOURSELF WITH WHATEVER IT WAS THAT TURNED HIM INTO A ZOMBIE. YOU ENDANGERED US ALL FOR YOUR OWN SELFISH GAIN.
‘Selfish’? And what, exactly, would you call reading someone else’s private diary while justifying it with morally vague reasons that coincidentally suit your own personal wants and needs?
I REFUSE TO DISCUSS THIS ANY FURTHER.
So you admit I’m right, then?
I AM NOT ADMITTING ANYTHING. I SIMPLY REFUSE TO ALLOW YOU TO TWIST MY WORDS.
Am I twisting your words? Or pointing out facts that are inconvenient because they disrupt your world view, in which you are a paragon of good and I’m horrible and evil?
I HARDLY PRETEND THAT I AM PERFECT. BUT I THINK THAT THE AVERAGE PERSON, UPON EXAMINING YOUR ACTIONS AND MINE, WOULD CONCLUDE THAT MINE ARE MORE ACCEPTABLE AND CONTRIBUTING MORE TOWARDS THE PRESERVATION AND SALVATION OF THE HUMAN RACE.
Interesting. Despite your previous comment to the contrary, we seem to still be discussing this. In fact, you appear to have snuck into my room multiple times to read my diary and continue a discussion that you purported to no longer want to participate in. Would you care to enlighten me on your reasons for doing so?
[No further comments appear on this day’s page.]
* * * * * * *
Diary entry, Sylar, 08-Jul-2008
Well. That seems to have taken care of Suresh. Now I just need to draw some “pictures” of “the future” that show the Peters dying in various horrible ways, and hopefully that will stop them from snooping around in my journal, too.